


A Little Dick Goes A Long Way

by Inkandquills, writersstudy



Series: Roleplay Fics [9]
Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Drunk Sex, Friends to Lovers, M/M, and they were ROOMMATES, homphobia, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:47:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22043797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkandquills/pseuds/Inkandquills, https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersstudy/pseuds/writersstudy
Summary: College is the best place to make new friends, find your passion, and in Youngkyun's case, discover yourself.[[PLEASE NOTE THAT WE, THE AUTHORS, HAVE NOT GIVEN PERMISSION FOR THIS WORK TO BE RE-POSTED ANYWHERE EXCEPT DIRECTLY ON AO3. IF YOU SEE THIS WORK ANYWHERE ELSE, PLEASE REPORT IT FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT AND NOTIFY US AT LIVING.LENIENTLY@GMAIL.COM. THANK YOU.]]
Relationships: Kim Youngkyun | Hwiyoung/Yoo Taeyang
Series: Roleplay Fics [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1256117
Comments: 11
Kudos: 46





	A Little Dick Goes A Long Way

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my God they were roommates

Youngkyun had arrived before his roommate. He looked back and forth between the two beds before finally deciding to take the one on the left. He set his suitcase on the floor and was almost immediately shoved aside by his mother, who insisted on putting everything away for him. 

Taeyang was struggling down the hall on his own. He had no help for moving in, so it was just him and his giant suitcase. When he finally found his room, the door was already open and there were boxes scattered on the floor. “Hello?” he said, stopping in the doorway.

Youngkyun glanced up when he heard someone in the door. This must be his roommate. Before he could return the greeting, his mother was already fussing over the other freshman. “You must be Taeyang! Youngkyunnie’s told me all about you. It’s so nice to meet you. Are your parents here to help you too?” she asked. Youngkyun rubbed his forehead. “Mom, can you please move so he can get into his room?” he said, already annoyed.

“Ah, no, it’s just me,” Taeyang said, pulling the giant trunk over to the empty bed. He lifted it onto the mattress with some difficulty and popped it open, letting it all but explode on the bed. 

“Oh, honey, do you want some help with that stuff? I’m almost done making the bed,” she offered. “Mom, I’m pretty sure we can both handle putting our stuff away and organizing it how  _ we  _ want it,” Youngkyun grumbled. “And what happened to all the help you wanted before we left?” she asked. Youngkyun said nothing and instead turned around and grabbed a handful of clothes to throw into one of the drawers.

“That’s okay, I’m sure I can figure it out,” Taeyang said with a smile. Mrs. Kim was very kind, but he wanted to prove he could do it himself. No rich kid stigma for him.

“Well, I’ll be here for a while if you need any help,” she said pleasantly. She turned back around and immediately took over for Youngkyun, folding his clothes and organizing everything on his desk. After what felt like ages, but was really only a couple of hours, Youngkyun was completely moved in. “Do you want me to walk you out?” he asked. “No, no,” his mom said with a sniffle, “I’ll be able to find my way out. You go meet your neighbors.” Youngkyun rolled his eyes and after dodging his mother’s kisses and extra last minute reminders as best he could, she finally left. “I am so sorry. I should have warned you ahead of time she can be totally overbearing,” he apologized to Taeyang. 

“She seems nice,” Taeyang said. He had already unpacked all of his clothes and put his suitcase away. He didn’t have anything else with him, since he wouldn’t have been able to take more than one bag on the train with him. His plan was to go to the nearest store and just buy the essentials once his clothes were away.

“She’s  _ so  _ much,” Youngkyun complained, “you were smart to come alone. I know she means well but she forgets I’m not a kid anymore.” He groaned when his phone buzzed from its spot on the desk. 

Taeyang snorted. Sure. Smart. “I’m going to go find a department store and get the rest of what I need if you want to come along,” he offered, grabbing his wallet out of his backpack. 

“Oh yeah, I’ll take a ride,” Youngkyun agreed. He snagged his phone from the desk and followed Taeyang out of the building. 

“Oh, I don’t have a car,” Taeyang said, “I mean, not here. I was just going to take a train.”

“That’s fine,” Youngkyun said with a shrug, “whatever gets us there works for me. It’s not like we have to be back that quickly anyway.”

Taeyang led the way from the campus back to the train station he’d gotten off at before. His phone told him the closest store was three stops away, which was a little farther than he’d hoped but still doable. 

Youngkyun dropped into the seat next to Taeyang, still typing away on his phone. “A couple of my friends are moving in across campus today and they invited us over tonight. You don’t have to decide now but I’m gonna go if you want to tag along,” he said. 

“Yeah, that sounds fun,” Taeyang said, “are they friends from high school or orientation or something?”

“I know them both from home but I only went to high school with one of them,” Youngkyun explained. He texted his friends that they’d be over whenever they got back and pocketed his phone. 

Taeyang nodded in understanding. Most of his high school friends had gone abroad for college, to the States, but he was happy to stay in Seoul. He did have a few friends still around, but none that were students at the university. They reached the store not long after that and Taeyang pulled up the list he had prepared. 

Youngkyun couldn’t help but notice how long Taeyang’s list was. “Whoa, it’s a good thing I came ‘cause there’s no way you’d be able to get all of this back yourself,” he said. 

“I could have always come back to get other stuff tomorrow,” Taeyang said, “I just didn’t have room for literally anything else in that suitcase.”

Youngkyun hummed. “I don’t know how you did it with one suitcase. Like how did you even narrow down what you were going to bring enough to fit it in one suitcase?” he asked. 

“I live in the city so I just left everything I wouldn’t need yet at home,” Taeyang explained, “heavy winter clothes, stuff like that. And I definitely stuffed the suitcase to the brim too.”

“You’re lucky that thing didn’t open on you on the stairs,” Youngkyun said with a laugh, “I don’t even know how you made it up the stairs with it.”

“Honestly, I don’t either,” Taeyang said with a laugh, “I’m lucky we don’t live any higher in the building or it would have taken even longer.”

“If we lived any higher, I would have waited in the long ass line for the elevator. That many stairs is not worth it,” Youngkyun said. 

“Pretty sure it would have been the same amount of time as it took to just climb the stairs,” Taeyang said with another shrug. His cart was quickly filling up and he knew he was going to have to come back the next day regardless. 

“It is too hot to be climbing that many stairs,” Youngkyun said. Speaking of climbing stairs, it was going to be quite interesting to see how the two of them were going to get all of this stuff back to the dorm. He actually felt kinda bad that Taeyang had to buy so much of this. 

“Hopefully, the elevator line will be gone by the time we get back,” Taeyang said as he steered the cart toward the checkout line. He felt bad for whichever poor cashier was going to have to scan and bag all of this.

“Boy, I hope so,” Youngkyun said quietly. Quite a few minutes and a decent amount of money later, they were on the train back to the dorm. Both of their arms were covered in bags and Youngkyun could already feel the lines where they were digging into his skin. 

“Thank you so much for helping me carry all this,” Taeyang said once he had collapsed into a seat on the train. He definitely would have had to make many more trips if he went alone.

“No problem. It would have taken you all semester to get all this stuff if you didn’t have help. I don’t mind taking another trip tomorrow to help you with the rest,” Youngkyun offered. 

“There’s not much left, so I can probably handle it, but you’re more than welcome to tag along,” Taeyang said. They finally reached their stop and started to lug everything back to the room.

“Yeah, that’d be fun. It’d be nice to get off campus during the day so we’re not stuck in our room. Although they have some stuff for freshman tomorrow night on the quad I think,” Youngkyun said. 

“Oh, that should be fun,” Taeyang said. He really was excited for the whole freshman experience. Taeyang would be the first to admit he was more than a little sheltered. It would be a miracle if he could put his bedsheets on without embarrassing himself.

They finally made it up the seemingly unending flights of stairs and into their room. Youngkyun put the bags on the floor with a loud sigh. He walked over to his side of the room and collapsed onto the bed. “Sorry, man, but you’re on your own with putting all that away,” he panted. 

Taeyang made sure all of his bags were clearly in his side of the room before all but collapsing into his bed. His arms were so sore. He set an alarm on his phone for half an hour and warned Youngkyun before passing out. 

Youngkyun got up a few minutes later and went to wander the building. Pretty much everyone was moved in by now and there were quite a few doors open. He glanced into the rooms but didn’t poke his head into any of them. It was too early for that.

Taeyang nearly fell off his bed when the alarm went off. Groggily, he sat up and started rummaging through the bags for his sheets and blankets. That was priority right now. 

When it started getting near dinner time, Youngkyun headed back to the room. “Hey, I’m gonna go grab something to eat,” he said when he saw Taeyang was awake, “do you want to take a break and come with me?”

“That would be lovely,” Taeyang said, dropping the shoe rack he was trying to put together. Most of his things were away now, but he still had a few organizers to assemble. 

Youngkyun didn’t want to admit he still didn’t know where everything was. He fell into step with Taeyang and hoped his roommate knew how to get to the dining hall.

Taeyang had a vague recollection from orientation of where the dining hall was, so it took them probably twice as long to get there. It seemed that a lot of people had a similar idea, because the place was packed. “Should we see if your friends are here?” he asked. 

“Yeah, let me text them. It’s gonna be a nightmare to try and just find them,” Youngkyun said. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick message. 

“If they’re far enough ahead in one of these lines, we should see if they can grab plates for us,” Taeyang said, “minimize our wait times.”

“That’s a good idea.” Youngkyun texted back and forth for a moment before turning back to Taeyang. “They’re gonna grab us plates and they gave me vague instructions on how to find where they’re sitting,” he said. He passed his phone to Taeyang in hopes his roommate could decipher the text. 

Taeyang stared at the text for a moment. “I think they’re over there,” he said, pointing off in a corner, but I don’t know what they look like so I can’t be sure.”

Youngkyun walked across the cafe trying to figure out which table his friends were at. He turned around when he heard his name and was relieved to see his friends coming to their rescue. 

Taeyang was relieved to see two boys walking toward them, waving to Youngkyun. Those must be his friends. 

“That’s Dongyeol and Chanhee,” Youngkyun said, pointing to each of his friends, “they can be a little bit much sometimes but I promise they’re cool.” He followed his friends pointing and took a seat at their table. 

Taeyang followed Youngkyun over to the table and took a seat next to him. He smiled gratefully when a plate of food was pushed over to him.

Youngkyun snagged his plate gratefully. “You’re  _ welcome _ ,” Dongyeol teased as he sat down. Youngkyun rolled his eyes and ignored him. “This is my roommate, Taeyang,” he said instead, “I already warned him about you so don’t try anything.” 

“Thank you for grabbing us food,” Taeyang said kindly. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Dongyeol said with a wave of his hand, “where are you from?”

“Seoul,” Taeyang said a little vaguely. He didn’t want these boys to write him off already. 

Youngkyun stayed quiet, opting to eat instead and make sure Dongyeol didn’t ask anything too invasive yet. “So what’s your major?” Dongyeol asked. Youngkyun was awfully suspicious with how tame his friend was being but he supposed that would all change tonight. 

“Oh, I’m a visual arts major,” Taeyang said, “what about you guys?”

“Oh, hey, me too!” Dongyeol said excitedly, “we’re probably gonna have a bunch of classes together.” He glanced at Youngkyun. “You all know mine,” Youngkyun said through a mouthful of food. “I’m a computer science major,” Chanhee piped up quietly.

“Oh, that’s cool,” Taeyang said excitedly. It would help to have a familiar face in at least some of his classes. “I’m taking a lot of gen eds this semester though.”

Dongyeol groaned. “Don’t get me started on all these stupid fucking classes we have to take that don’t even matter,” he said. Youngkyun snickered. “Oh, excuse me, Mr. I have a million transfer credits,” Dongyeol snarked. Youngkyun raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not the one with a million transfer credits,” he said, glancing at Chanhee. 

“I mean, I’m sure they’ll be fine,” Taeyang said with a shrug, “but I’d rather just paint, y’know?”

Dongyeol nodded. “I don’t even have any sculpting classes this semester because of all the stupid prerequisites,” he complained. Youngkyun was actually grateful that Taeyang was getting along with Dongyeol so far. Hopefully it stayed that way so they could be one big friend group. 

“I have one drawing class, which is fine, but it’s not my preferred medium,” Taeyang said, “I much prefer paint or digital.”

“You guys are gonna have the best decorated room on campus,” Dongyeol commented. Youngkyun snorted. “Whatever you need to tell yourself so you don’t come trash it,” he said. 

“Only if I can get studio time, which I’ve heard is impossible for freshmen,” Taeyang said, shaking his head. 

“A friend of mine’s brother is a senior this year and he said don’t even bother trying,” Dongyeol said sadly, “I might ask him if he has any friends that can sneak me in though.”

“One of my hyungs is in the graduate art history program so I might see if he can swing me some studio time over there,” Taeyang said.

“If he gets you in, do you mind if I tag along?” Dongyeol asked, “I want to be able to do my own art without a professor breathing down my neck about it.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Taeyang said, “I don’t know what kind of studio space he’ll be able to get us though so you might have to steal some clay.”

“That’s fine,” Dongyeol said with a wave, “as long as I get into the studio, getting clay won’t be a problem.” “If you get kicked out of the program for stealing, I’m not petitioning for you to get back in,” Youngkyun warned. 

“We really should be entitled to the materials and the spaces,” Taeyang said, “we’re the ones that pay for it all.”

“That’s true, but you know how seniors and grads get. As long as the professors are chill, we’ll be fine,” Dongyeol said nonchalantly. 

“Ugh, enough about school though,” Taeyang said, “I don’t want to think about it until classes start.”

“You ready for this weekend?” Dongyeol asked with a devilish grin on his face. Youngkyun groaned. Nothing could ever prepare you enough for a weekend with Dongyeol, especially the first weekend at college.

Taeyang looked between the two. “What’s this weekend?” he asked. 

“It’s our first weekend! And Chanhee and I scored a suite so it’s perfect to have people over. My roommates are going tonight to stock up our fridge,” Dongyeol said, like it was obvious, “you do like to party, right?”

“I mean, I drink a little,” Taeyang said, “I was never exactly allowed to party in high school and I could never have gotten away with sneaking out or anything.”

“Oh, you poor thing,” Dongyeol said, “we’ll take care of you, don’t worry.” Youngkyun shook his head. “There is no ‘we’ in this. You are not going to be taking care of anyone this weekend,” he said. 

“Sounds fun,” Taeyang said, “I could definitely use a chance to relax though.”

“There will be plenty of time to relax, don’t you worry,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun rolled his eyes. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he said, standing up and picking up his plate, “did you get your Xbox set up yet? I wanna play.”

Taeyang could tell already that Dongyeol and Chanhee would probably be in their room a lot. Dongyeol seemed nice and it was definitely nice to know someone in his major, but Chanhee seemed...more his speed.

They followed Dongyeol to his and Chanhee’s room and after the grand introduction to their roommates, they settled on the couch to play some video games. Eventually, Youngkyun and Taeyang headed back to their own room. If the rest of college went as smooth as today, it was going to be a good four years. 

Taeyang was glad to have made his friends, even if Dongyeol seemed a little rough and tumble. “Thanks for introducing me to them,” he said to Youngkyun when they got back to their room.

“Yeah, no problem,” Youngkyun said, “I know Dongyeol’s a lot but I promise they’re both a lot of fun. Chanhee’s kinda shy but he’s a really good kid. I think you two would get along really well.”

“Yeah, he seems nice,” Taeyang said. He gathered his stuff up and disappeared down the hallway to take a shower. 

Youngkyun collapsed into bed. He had met up with Dongyeol and Chanhee, Taeyang was as nice in person as he was over text, and he had finally managed to convince his mom he was fine. Today really had been a great day. 

By the time Taeyang got back from the bathroom, Youngkyun seemed asleep, so he laid down to sleep. The next day was Saturday and he ended up having to go back to the department store for the rest of the stuff on his list.

By the time Youngkyun woke up, Taeyang was already gone. He dragged himself out of bed, slipped on his shower shoes and reluctantly dragged himself and all his stuff down the hall. He definitely wasn’t excited to share a bathroom with a floor of other people but he’d get over it eventually. 

It was a bit of a struggle, but Taeyang managed to get everything back to the dorm on his own. Once he had it all set up or put away, he fell onto his bed, still not quite feeling like he was prepared for the year to start.

When Youngkyun returned to the room, Taeyang was back. His roommate was lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. There were a couple of new things on his desk and some plastic bags at the foot of the bed. He must have gone to get the rest of his things. 

Taeyang glanced up when Youngkyun entered the room. “Am I the only one not ready for Monday?” he asked, almost rhetorically.

“Not at all,” Youngkyun replied, “I don’t want to go to classes yet. I don’t know what to expect except they’re going to be pretty hard.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m excited for classes to start, but I just wish I had had any modicum of help to get set up,” Taeyang admitted.

Youngkyun dried his hair and tossed his towel over the back of his chair. “I’m sure we’ll end up meeting some upperclassmen at some point that’ll help you get settled in and used to everything,” he said. 

“I certainly hope so,” Taeyang said. He needed some sort of guiding force, especially since the only one he had was busy with grad school.

“Have you thought about joining a frat? There’s a bunch of guys out there who’d probably be happy to help you adjust,” Youngkyun said. 

“I am not straight enough to join a frat,” Taeyang said with a snort, “and I doubt I’ll have the time. It’s a lot of commitment, and a lot of drinking.”

Youngkyun raised his eyebrows. Well, there went that idea. “I’m sure there’s something out there for you,” he said awkwardly. 

“There’s a club fair this week, right?” Taeyang asked, “hopefully, I’ll find something there. I’m not worried about settling in, I just wished I felt more prepared now. I mean, I showed up with clothes and nothing else.”

“Yeah, I think it’s on Wednesday.” Youngkyun said, “that was pretty chaotic of you but it’s hard to move yourself in. I would offer for you to borrow my mother but I would never do that to you. And now you know for next year.”

“Oh, I’m sure my parents will be busy again next year,” Taeyang said lightly, “you could ask me what country they’re in right now and I would never be able to tell you.”

“They went on vacation instead of helping you move in?” Youngkyun asked incredulously, “I’m sorry, that was rude.” He turned his head down and continued to put his shower stuff away.

“They’re working,” Taeyang muttered, “forever and always.” Sure, he was going to school with no loans and had a nice Gangnam apartment to go home to, but he would much rather have his mom around. His parents hadn’t even bothered to come to his graduation.

“I’m really sorry, man. That sounds tough,” Youngkyun said sympathetically. As annoying and overbearing as she was, his mom was always around for him and supportive of him.

Taeyang shrugged and didn’t say anything else. He wanted to say that he loved his parents but he barely even knew them. There had been a number of messy years of cheating and fighting before they decided to simply never be around each other, without thinking of the toll such a decision would have on their only son. 

Youngkyun let the subject drop. He felt bad for Taeyang. He couldn’t understand why his parents would treat him so poorly. Despite his situation, he really was a nice kid. Trying to distract himself, he started reorganizing his stuff. 

The rest of the weekend was fairly lazy for both of them. There were a few events, but neither of them was particularly motivated to go. When Monday rolled around, Taeyang had to be up early for an 8 am class. 

Youngkyun was grateful he didn’t have any early classes. There was no way he’d be up and functional for anything earlier than 9:30. When his first class finally rolled around, he grabbed his backpack and books and headed off. 

Overall, the first day of classes was fairly easy. It was all icebreakers and syllabi, which made it easy for Taeyang to zone out. In fact, the entire week was like that, leaving him feeling even less prepared for when the learning actually started. 

Youngkyun considered it a small victory when he made it through the first week. He took advantage of the shortened classes and the extensive reading of the syllabi. Everything was going to get a lot harder from here on out. 

“It’s over,” Taeyang said when he collapsed into his bed on Friday afternoon. The first week of classes was complete. He was so ready for a drink, and they hadn’t even done anything difficult yet. 

Youngkyun chuckled when Taeyang made a beeline for his bed. “And it only gets worse from here,” he said, “hey, are you coming with me tonight? I’m going over to Dongyeol’s for a party.”

“Shit, yeah,” Taeyang said. It was the first weekend at college, prime time to learn how to get fucked up.

Youngkyun smiled. “We still got a couple of hours if you need to pick out something to wear,” he said. Last weekend he had stayed sober and hadn’t spent a lot of time at Dongyeol’s, opting to keep an eye on Taeyang. But tonight he wasn’t holding anything back. He was ready to finally have some real fun at college. 

“Oh, god, I don’t need that long,” Taeyang said, “I’m ready for a nice fat nap first.”

Youngkyun chuckled. “Alright, enjoy your nap,” he said. He took a seat at his desk and started organizing his papers from the week. 

Taeyang was more tired than he expected and passed out almost as soon as he got comfortable. When he woke up, he immediately went for a shower before getting dressed and ready for the party.

Youngkyun stood in front of his mirror, combing his hair back. His button down was open halfway down his chest and his silver chain sat around his neck. He wore a plain pair of jeans. His outfit was simple but he still wanted to look good. There were quite a few girls coming according to Dongyeol and he was not going to squander an opportunity to impress one of them. 

Taeyang dressed in a black button down tee that was so thin it was almost sheer, with the top few buttons undone, and a pair of ripped black jeans. He styled his hair back and even tossed on a bit of concealer and eyeshadow to pull it together. “Are you ready to go?” he asked once he was done. 

Youngkyun did a double take when he looked at Taeyang. He didn’t know his roommate had it in him to pull off an outfit like that. “Yeah, let’s go,” he said. He unplugged his phone and led the way out of the room. 

Taeyang walked next to Youngkyun across campus. He wished they had pregamed a bit, to cut the nerves, but neither of them had acquired any alcohol yet.

Youngkyun barely made it in the door before Dongyeol barreled over to him and handed him a beer. He passed it to Taeyang and helped his friend stay upright. “Jeez, man, you couldn’t even wait for me to show up?” he asked. Dongyeol ignore him and instead dragged him towards the mini fridge in the corner of the room. “You need to do some shots ASAP!” he declared.

Taeyang took the beer, sniffing it suspiciously before deciding it was probably safe. It wasn’t like Dongyeol would try to drug Youngkyun. He took a sip of it as he followed the pair. 

Two shots and a drink in hand later, Youngkyun was actually ready to meet some new people. He noticed Chanhee sitting on the couch and pointed him out to Taeyang. 

Taeyang dragged Youngkyun over with him, feeling awkward approaching Chanhee on his own. He was on his second beer now, having downed the first one as quickly as he could. If he wasn’t hungover tomorrow, what was the point of even going to college?

“Take it easy, rookie,” Youngkyun warned, “there’s a lot of weekends ahead. Hi, Chanhee! I figured you might want some company.” He gently pushed Taeyang towards the couch. Chanhee smiled pleasantly. “Hey, Taeyang. I wasn’t sure if you were gonna come or not,” he said. 

“Damn, do I seem like that much of a prude?” Taeyang asked rhetorically. His tongue was much looser with some alcohol. 

Youngkyun raised his eyebrows. “No, I just know you’re a lightweight and I definitely don’t want you to throw up in some bushes on your first night,” he said. He glanced over his shoulder when he heard his name called and saw Dongyeol waving him over to the small drinking game that was set up. “Duty calls.” He downed his drink and made his way over to his friends. 

Taeyang sat talking to Chanhee for a bit before he realized his drink was empty. He excused himself and headed to the table where the bottles were. He knew how to mix a couple different drinks, so he tried his hand at one of them. Granted, his hand was probably a little heavy, but he didn’t care. The more alcohol, the better. 

Youngkyun glanced up and saw Taeyang mixing a drink. Oh, this poor kid was in for a rough night considering he was mixing alcohol. He shrugged and turned back to the game; everyone had to learn somehow and he was not sober enough for babysitting. 

Once Taeyang had his drink, he wandered over to where Youngkyun and Dongyeol were playing some sort of game. “How do you play?” he asked. 

Youngkyun leaned back against the wall and pushed his hair out of his face. “You gotta get the ball in the cup before the other person or else you gotta chug,” he explained vaguely. “It’s so hard but at least I’m better than Dongyeol,” he added with a giggle. It was getting harder and harder considering he had to support himself with something and his vision hadn’t been clear in three or so shots.

“Oh, you’re adorable when you’re drunk,” Taeyang said candidly. He took a long sip of his own drink before taking the ball from Youngkyun’s hand and stepping up to the table. 

“Hey, give that back!” Youngkyun said with a pout. He pushed himself off the wall and ended up leaning on Taeyang, trying to get the ball back. “And I’m not drunk! I’m barely tipsy.”

Taeyang laughed and tossed the ball before Youngjyun could barrel him over. To his complete surprise, it actually went into a cup. 

“He’s on my team for beer pong!” Youngkyun announced. Unfortunately, he wasn’t quick enough to explain to Taeyang that he had to pass the cup and move on before a new cup was shoved in his face. “Do it again! Do it again!” he instructed, pointing to the new cup.

Taeyong grimaced as little as he realized how sticky the ball was now. He tossed it again and watched it bounce a few times before landing in a cup. 

Youngkyun had draped himself over Taeyang’s back, his own drink long forgotten. He tried to explain that Taeyang needed to be faster but it wasn’t long before Dongyeol was overtaken again and had to drink whatever mixture was in one of the cups. Youngkyun laughed loudly when Dongyeol’s face screwed up in disgust. “If it’s so funny you try it,” he challenged. “Fine,” Youngkyun said. He reached over Taeyang to snag a cup and down it in one go. He was definitely gonna be feeling this in the morning. 

Taeyang wasn’t a particularly touchy person, but he found that he didn’t mind the heat of Youngkyun against his back. He finished his drink and took the next cup they lost, chugging it down quickly. He could already feel his impending hangover. 

Youngkyun watched the game for a few more minutes before he started to get bored. “I’m tired,” he whined in Taeyang’s ear, “I wanna go back.”

“We have two more cups left to win,” Taeyang said, “let’s win and then we’ll go back, okay?” He tossed the ball, eliminating one of them off the bat. 

“Get Dongdongie out again,” Youngkyun whispered conspiratorially. He rested his head on Taeyang’s shoulder so he could see what was going on.

Taeyang tossed the ball and successfully landed it in the other cup. “Let’s go back,” he said, stepping back from the table. 

Youngkyun said his goodbyes to Dongyeol and shouted to Chanhee. He was in absolutely no position to walk on his own so he clung onto Taeyang. He tripped on the stairs and nearly sent them both tumbling. He caught himself on the railing and had to stop for a moment because he was laughing so hard. 

“You’re so fucked,” Taeyang taunted right before tripping himself. “I’m so fucked,” he added gleefully, before whining, “ugh, I wish I was fucked.”

Youngkyun groaned. “We  _ both _ could have gotten someone to bring home,” he whined, “next time don’t let me play games for so long.” They finally made it down the stairs and outside. Youngkyun did his best to stay upright and inconspicuous during their walk across campus. 

Taeyang clung to Youngkyun, trying to keep them both upright. He giggled to himself at absolutely nothing. By the time they made it back to their dorm, they were no more sober than when they left Dongyeol’s. 

Youngkyun kicked his shoes off and immediately tumbled into bed, dragging Taeyang with him. “Sorry,” he said with a laugh. He tried to help his roommate stand but he wasn’t very successful. 

Taeyang was all too happy to let himself flop on top of Youngkyun. His body felt like Jell-O and he would lay down wherever he could. 

“You’re lucky you’re not heavy or I would’ve dumped you on the floor by now,” Youngkyun groaned. He let his head fall back against the pillow. His head was still spinning and he knew he was in for a rough morning.

Taeyang sat up in his elbows, prepared to move off of Youngkyun and stumble over to his own bed, when he got distracted. “Your hair is really pretty,” he said, reaching out to tug on a strand.

Youngkyun’s eyes flew open. “Thanks, I grew it myself,” he joked, running a hand through it.

Taeyang tugged on the strand again, completely mesmerized. Youngkyun’s hair was pretty and soft, just like the rest of him. 

“You can play with it if you want,” Youngkyun said before he could stop himself, “I love people playing my hair.” He giggled shyly and dropped his eyes. 

Taeyang rolled off of Youngkyun to lay in the tiny space next to him. He ran his fingers through the long strands, methodically pulling out any knots that caught him. 

Youngkyun tilted his head into his roommate’s hand. It had been ages since anyone had played with his hair. When Taeyang’s fingers got caught in a knot and he tugged on it, a quiet moan slipped past Youngkyun’s lips. He hadn’t even realized what he had done. 

Taeyang giggled when he heard Youngkyun moan. It was so funny to him. Of course the boy with long pretty hair would like getting it pulled. He tugged again, wanting to see if his theory was right. 

Youngkyun hummed happily. “That feels so good, Taeyang,” he breathed. His eyes slowly closed again and he reveled in the feeling of his roommate’s fingers in his hair. This wasn’t quite how he imagined his night going but he wasn’t complaining. 

Taeyang continued combing through Youngkyun’s hair, intent on finding and tugging out every knot he could. He had half a mind to tease Youngkyun now, but he was sure this would be a funny story for the morning, so he would save his teasing for then. 

“Is that all you’re going to do?” Youngkyun goaded. He cracked one eye open and stared up at Taeyang. 

“You  _ want  _ me to do more?” Taeyang asked. He raised an eyebrow. 

“I did not get this drunk to not get at least a little action,” Youngkyun said. He whined when Taeyang’s hand stopped moving.

“I mean yeah, but I’m a guy,” Taeyang said cautiously. Even drunk, he didn’t want Youngkyun to regret any of this in the morning. 

“Oh my God, just get over here and do something,” Youngkyun whined. He grabbed Taeyang and pulled his roommate back on top of him. Granted, it wasn’t that coordinated of an endeavor and he almost sent poor Taeyang toppling off the bed. 

Taeyang’s hands flew to Youngkyun’s biceps to keep himself from falling off the bed. Without thinking about it, he straddled his roommate properly and leaned down to kiss him.

Youngkyun hummed happily. It had been much too long since he had done something like this. It wasn’t the...smoothest experience of his life - half of their clothes ended up still in bed with them and he sent a small pile of papers tumbling to the floor in his attempt to get at his desk drawer - but he was too drunk to care. The rest of the night was a blur but Youngkyun didn’t regret any of it until he woke up the following morning with a raging headache. 

Taeyang woke up to a sharp pain in his head and a sharper pain in his backside. He sat up with a small groan and his eyes widen when he realized he was very naked, in bed with Youngkyun, who was equally naked. Oh, this was not good at all.

Youngkyun stilled when he felt movement against his side. He didn’t bring anyone home, he definitely would have remembered that. The only thing he remembered was getting to Dongyeol’s and then stumbling home clinging onto Taeyang. Oh. Youngkyun laid stock still and kept his eyes closed, hoping Taeyang thought he was still asleep. It dawned on him that they were both completely naked and his whole body filled with dread.

Taeyang climbed out of bed as carefully as he could. He found his underwear and pants on the floor and pulled them on before sneaking out to the bathroom. His head was reeling. Youngkyun was  _ straight _ , wasn’t he?

Youngkyun let go of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding when Taeyang left the room. He brought his hands up to his face. This was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just a drunken mistake that they were  _ not  _ going to talk about and that was  _ never  _ going to happen again. He rolled over to grab a water bottle and felt his stomach turn. He took a small sip and laid back down with a groan. He felt disgusting but there was absolutely no way he was getting out of bed anytime soon so he burrowed under his blankets and tried to forget what happened. 

Taeyang splashed his face with cold water and stared at himself in the mirror for a moment. He felt terrible. Had he forced Youngkyun into something? He had absolutely no recollection. He trudged back to the room and carefully climbed into his own bed. 

Youngkyun whimpered when the door slammed shut. At least it sounded like the door slammed. He tugged the blankets tighter around him and tried to ignore his still spinning head. “Why did I drink so much?” he mumbled pitifully.

“I’m never drinking again,” Taeyang moaned into his pillow, already knowing it was a lie. He would just never drink around Youngkyun again. 

“Aw, you say that now, rookie,” Youngkyun said. Maybe if he just pretending everything was fine, they could both forget and move on faster. It’s not like he could even talk to Dongyeol about it. His friend would  _ never  _ let him hear the end of this. 

“Too loud,” Taeyang whined, “god, my head is exploding. My brain is leaking out my nostrils.”

“Water,” Youngkyun said, reaching a hand out from under the safety of his blankets and haphazardly waving it towards his fridge. “Drink water.”

“Can’t move,” Taeyang mumbled, “hurts too much.” He was not going to mention why and only hoped he didn’t have a limp when he did finally get up again.

Youngkyun knew he would throw up if he tried to stand so that was out. He debated giving Taeyang his own bottle but he didn’t trust his aim. Guess they were both stuck in their positions for a while. He pulled his hand back under his blanket and curled up in a tiny ball. Hopefully a nap would fix everything. 

Taeyang fell back asleep and slept through the day until Youngkyun’s phone started blaring his ringtone across the room. “Fuck you,” he groaned. 

Youngkyun jumped awake when his phone rang. He smacked around on his desk but it wasn’t there. Where the hell could his phone be? The last he had seen his phone was before they left for the party. Which meant it was in his pants pocket, which were on the floor, across the room. He was absolutely not getting up to get it, especially considering he was still naked. 

Taeyang all but rolled out of bed to shut off the incessant ringing. “‘S Dongyeol,” he mumbled, tossing the device on Youngkyun’s bed. He tried to stand up, but his head started spinning and he barely had time to lean over the trash can before he was heaving. 

Youngkyun grimaced in disgust and only reached a hand out again to get his phone for a distraction. Just as he grabbed it, it started ringing again. He answered it quickly and put the phone to his ear. “What the hell do you want?” Youngkyun mumbled. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” Dongyeol said, “you were worse than I was.” “I was not! How the hell are you even functioning right now?” Youngkyun groaned. “You know I don’t get hangovers, man,” Dongyeol replied. Youngkyun huffed in frustration.

“Shut up,” Taeyang whined miserably. He took himself and his vomit-filled trash can to the bathroom, snagging a towel on his way past. He needed a good, long rinse. 

“We’re going off campus next weekend,” Youngkyun decided, “I won’t drink as much if we do.” “Whatever you say,” Dongyeol said with a laugh, “but come on, it’s almost two and I know you’re still in bed. Chanhee and I are having a gaming marathon.” Youngkyun groaned. “I’m not gonna make it over there,” he said. “Fine, we’ll come to you,” Dongyeol decided. Before Youngkyun could protest, the phone clicked off. He finally dragged himself out of bed, albeit slowly, and got dressed. He took his sheets and his clothes from the night before and threw them in the washer. 

Taeyang still felt gross when he got out of the shower, but at least he wasn’t covered in it. He carried his dirty clothes, which he had rinsed in the sink, and held a towel tightly around his waist to go back to the room. 

Youngkyun had curled back up in bed after his laundry was started. When the door opened again, he let his eyes fall closed. He had put his phone on silent and left it sitting on his desk, out of reach. 

Taeyang got dressed in comfy clothes. They were a little heavy for the weather, but they made him feel warm and secure. “I’ll be back,” he told Youngkyun, popping on a pair of sunglasses and grabbing his phone and wallet. 

“Be careful,” Youngkyun said unnecessarily. A few minutes later, Dongyeol burst into his room and made himself comfortable at the edge of the bed. Chanhee sat in the desk chair with a shake of his head. “You don’t look so great,” he commented. “Gee, thanks,” Youngkyun said, cracking his eyes open. 

Taeyang trudged down to the campus shuttle stop and got on the bus heading in the direction of graduate housing. He got off a little early to grab a coffee and a greasy breakfast sandwich before continuing to his hyung’s apartment. 

Before Dongyeol could launch into how his night went, Youngkyun went to switch his laundry. When he sat back in bed he got a very detailed recap on how the night went. He had no idea how Dongyeol even remembered half of what happened. 

Youngbin looked confused when he opened the door to find Taeyang leaning on his door frame, incredibly hungover. “Hyung,” the freshman whined, “I fucked up.”

“How the hell do you remember any of this?” Youngkyun asked. “Because  _ I  _ didn’t get that drunk,” Dongyeol said. “How do I know you’re not making it up?” Youngkyun asked next. “Because I was there,” Chanhee said, “you guys were actually pretty entertaining, I have to say.” 

Taeyang spilled the entire story to Youngbin, or at least as much as he could remember. “What do I do, hyung?” he asked pitifully. “You have to clear the air,” the older man said, “just get it out there.”

“Well I’m glad you got a kick out of it,” Youngkyun mumbled. Chanhee reached over and rubbed his friend’s back soothingly. “It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll get your revenge somehow,” he said. “The only one I need revenge on is Dongyeol,” Youngkyun grumbled. Dongyeol laughed at that. 

“He’s straight, hyung,” Taeyang complained, “I don’t want to make this any more awkward than it already is.”

Youngkyun eventually kicked his friends out, claiming he had to fold laundry. He messily made the bed and took a long gulp of water before laying back down. He couldn’t believe he was actually looking forward to classes on Monday. At least they’d be a good distraction. 

“Look, I can’t solve this for you,” Youngbin said, “just be prepared for the fallout the longer you keep ignoring it.”

Youngkyun dozed off again. Before he fell asleep, he started getting worried about Taeyang. He hoped his roommate was with a friend or someone he knew. He wasn’t doing that great this morning. 

Despite his disapproving attitude, Youngbin didn’t protest when Taeyang decided he was staying the night. They hadn’t seen each other in quite a while anyway.

When Youngkyun woke up again it was dark out. He sat up slowly and glanced over at Taeyang’s bed. His roommate still wasn’t back and now he was really starting to worry. “Hey, just wanted to make sure everything’s okay,” he texted. 

Taeyang was surprised that Youngkyun had texted him. “Yeah, I’m with my hyung,” he responded, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Alright. See ya then,” Youngkyun replied. He felt better that Taeyang was with someone. That was probably the best thing for them anyway. Hopefully, everything would go back to normal in the morning. 

Taeyang and Youngbin ended up ordering food and watching Netflix for the rest of the evening. Once it got late, Taeyang fell asleep on the couch, hoping things would be normal in the morning.

Youngkyun wasn’t surprised that Taeyang wasn’t back when he woke up. He got up and cleaned up his half of the room before going to meet Dongyeol and Chanhee for breakfast. 

Youngbin kicked Taeyang out around noon the next day. Given that he was wearing gross, sweaty sweatpants, he forewent getting coffee and just went straight back to the dorm. 

Youngkyun decided to go back to his room after breakfast. He had to get ready for the week. When he entered the room he couldn’t tell if he was relieved or not to see Taeyang. “Hey, are you feeling better?” he asked politely. 

“Barely,” Taeyang said, “my head is still killing me, but I’ll get over it.”

“Do you want some Advil?” Youngkyun asked. He grabbed his stuff for a shower. He felt completely disgusting and his hair was so greasy. 

“I already took some but thank you,” Taeyang said, “I’m just gonna lay down for a bit.”

“Alright, I’ll be quiet,” Youngkyun promised. He grabbed his laptop and tossed it on the bed before disappearing down the hall. 

Taeyang grunted in acknowledgement as he climbed into bed. He shoved his face into a pillow and did his best to fall asleep. 

Youngkyun took his time in the shower. He scrubbed his whole body and took extra time washing his hair. By the time he finally got out, he was pruny and his skin was bright red. He tied his hair up and got dressed before going back to the room. He opened the door and moved around quietly so he didn’t bother Taeyang. 

Taeyang cracked an eye open when the door opened and sighed heavily when he saw Youngkyun. He was so fixated on that pretty fucking hair. 

Youngkyun felt bad when he heard Taeyang sigh. He did his best to be as silent as possible and ended up sitting at his desk instead of trying to climb onto his squeaky bed. 

Taeyang wanted to run his fingers through Youngkyun’s hair, even though he was about eighty seven percent sure that that was what had gotten them into this mess to begin with. With a huff, he turned his head the other way. 

Youngkyun plugged in his headphones and made sure his music wasn’t too loud. He didn’t have a done of work to catch up on, thank goodness, but he needed to get a head start if he didn’t want to fall behind the following weekend. 

Taeyang slept for the rest of the afternoon and his stomach was growling when he woke up. “Wanna go eat?” he asked Youngkyun groggily. 

Youngkyun pulled his headphones off when he heard what sounded like talking. “I’m sorry. Did you say something?” he asked.

“Food,” Taeyang mumbled, barely even making an effort to move, “wanna get food?”

“Oh, yeah sure,” Youngkyun said. He closed his laptop and stood up. “Are you gonna make it or do I have to bring some stuff back for you?” he asked. 

“No, I’m good, I’m good,” Taeyang said, forcing himself up and out of bed. “I’m just half asleep still.”

“I see that,” Youngkyun said lightly. He didn’t really like to wear his hair up, even when it got hot, so he let it down and grabbed his towel to dry it enough so it didn’t drip anymore. When he was all set, he grabbed his phone and slipped on some shoes. 

Taeyang shoved his feet into a pair of sandals and grabbed his wallet. He trudged down the hallways behind Youngkyun and across the quad to the dining hall. His plan was just to get food and bring it back to the room. 

Youngkyun filled up a plate and when to find Taeyang. “I’ll grab us a table,” he said. The dining hall wasn’t that busy yet but he wanted to beat the rush. 

“Oh, I was just planning on taking it back to the room,” Taeyang said, “I don’t really want to look like this in public.”

“That works too,” Youngkyun said, “I’m gonna go pay and I’ll grab us some utensils then.” He walked over to the registers and grabbed a drink from the fridge on his way over. 

Taeyang picked up the greasiest sandwich he could find. It wasn’t going to feel great later, but it would help with what was left of his hangover now. 

Youngkyun waited for Taeyang to pay before leading them back to the room. “I can’t believe the weekend’s already over,” he commented. 

“I know, it’s crazy,” Taeyang said. The weekend had gone so fast, but also not nearly fast enough. 

“I think Sundays are gonna be my least favorite day of the week,” Youngkyun said. He let them back into their room and sat back down at his desk. 

Taeyang climbed back into his bed and opened his sandwich. “Oh, this is so good,” he moaned after the first bite. 

Youngkyun chuckled. “You are very excited about that sandwich,” he commented lightly. He poked around his plate for a moment before finally taking a bite of his salad. 

“It’s really good,” Taeyang said, “and I feel like shit and I might  _ cry  _ over this fucking sandwich.”

“Please, don’t cry,” Youngkyun said, a little concerned. He definitely wasn’t enjoying his dinner as much as Taeyang was. 

“I won’t,” Taeyang promised. He wasn’t that weak yet. He would need a couple more rough weekends to get that bad.

Youngkyun hummed. “Oh good,” he said, “you know you’re having a day when you cry over cafeteria food. Although it is a lot better than I was expecting.”

“I’ll probably never say this again in my life, but thank god tomorrow’s Monday,” Taeyang said, “I’m so fucking bored.”

“Bored?” Youngkyun asked incredulously, “I don’t know how you would rather be in class than having a lazy Sunday.”

“I mean, I wish I could be in a studio painting for the entire day, but that’s not an option right now,” Taeyang said with a shrug, “class is the next best thing.”

Youngkyun hummed. “Have you talked to your friend about getting you in yet?” he asked. 

“No, I completely forgot,” Taeyang said, “I’ll ask him next time I see him.”

Youngkyun nodded. “I won’t tell Dongyeol if you end up getting in. He’s not that bad if he’s focused but I still wouldn’t do that to you,” he said. 

“I wouldn’t mind him joining if Youngbin hyung can get him in too, but it all depends,” Taeyang said. His fingers were itching to draw now, so he leaned over and grabbed his sketchbook.

Youngkyun nodded. He let the conversation drop when Taeyang picked up his sketchbook. He reached over and opened his laptop again. 

Taeyang sketched mindlessly, not even paying attention to what he was drawing until he realized with a start that it was Youngkyun. God, why couldn’t he let it go and move on?

Youngkyun finished up a couple of things before closing his laptop again. He flopped down and absentmindedly scrolled through his phone. 

Taeyang ripped the page out and crumpled it up before slamming his sketchbook closed and tossing it on the floor. What the hell was wrong with him?

Youngkyun jumped when Taeyang’s sketchbook hit the floor. “Is everything okay?” he asked hesitantly. He glanced over his phone at his roommate. 

“Yeah, just...didn’t like my drawing,” Taeyang said, tossing the ball of paper in the trash. “Sorry for the noise.”

“No, no that’s okay,” Youngkyun said, looking back down at his phone, “it just caught me by surprise.”

Taeyang frowned and grabbed his own phone, flopping back against his pillows. He wished he had a friend around his age to rant to about this. Youngbin just didn’t get it. 

When it started getting later, Youngkyun got up and headed to the bathroom to wash up and get changed. He was not looking forward to classes tomorrow but there was nothing he could do about it other than try and get a good night’s rest. 

Monday was a blessing in disguise. Taeyang was out all day for classes and had managed to secure some group studio time in the evening. He usually hated working around other people, but he needed the studio time more. 

Youngkyun ended up heading to Dongyeol and Chanhee’s room for a little while at night. He grabbed a controller and sat back against the couch. It was surprisingly comfortable and he had a feeling he would be crashing here quite a few nights this semester. 

Taeyang was the last one of the group in the studio and he didn’t get home until almost midnight. To his surprise, Youngkyun was nowhere to be seen. Taeyang considered texting him, but he figured he was probably with his friends, so he let it go. 

Youngkyun eventually dragged himself back to his room. He would save his couch crashing privileges for another night. He snuck into the room quietly, not bothering to turn on any lights, so he didn’t bother Taeyang. 

Tuesday was a bit of an earlier day, with Taeyang returning right after class and diving into his homework. It didn’t escape his notice that he and Youngkyun seemed to be avoiding each other, intentionally or not. 

Youngkyun realized he hadn’t really seen Taeyang that much in the past couple days so he decided to go back to his room after his afternoon class. “Hey, do you wanna grab some dinner in the cafeteria tonight?” he asked. 

“Oh, I ate earlier, I’m sorry,” Taeyang said, “I can go with you though, if you want.”

“No, no it’s okay,” Youngkyun said, “I don’t want to drag you back out. I just figured I’d ask to give you a break.” He tossed his backpack on his bed. 

“I really should have done this three days ago,” Taeyang said, looking down at his assignment. He was struggling a bit and had half a mind to go to the tutoring center and get some help with it. 

Youngkyun glanced over Taeyang’s shoulder. “Do you want some help?” he asked cautiously. He didn’t want to offend his roommate but judging by his scattered notes, he was struggling a little bit. 

“Oh, no, I don’t want to bother you,” Taeyang said, “I’m sure someone at the tutoring center can help me.”

“I mean if you’d rather have them help that’s fine, but I really don’t mind,” Youngkyun said. He walked closer to get a better look. “Oh, this isn’t that bad at all. Let me show you a shortcut to make your life easier.” He reached over Taeyang and grabbed his pencil before copying one of the problems from the book and writing out some notes. 

Taeyang sat stiffly, not wanting to even breathe too much and risk touching Youngkyun. “It’s really alright,” he said quickly, “I’ve been wanting to check out the tutoring service anyway.”

“Oh, okay,” Youngkyun said quietly. He dropped the pencil on the desk and backed away. “Sorry. If you ever need help in a pinch, let me know. Chanhee’s really good at math too and he’d be happy to help you.”

Taeyang hurriedly gathered up his things and shoved them in his pocket. “Thanks,” he tossed over his shoulder before he all but ran from the room. 

Youngkyun deflated a little as Taeyang left the room. He was just trying to be a good roommate. He hadn’t meant to upset Taeyang. He definitely wouldn’t offer help anymore. 

“Hi, I need someone to help me with calculus,” Taeyang said when he approached the desk at the tutoring center. The girl at the desk typed a few things into her computer, asking for his name and the class. “Room 215,” she said finally, “Jaeyoon oppa is in there, or he will be in a few minutes.”

Youngkyun didn’t want to be in the dorm room so he left to get some dinner. Maybe he would go hang out at Dongyeol and Chanhee’s later. 

Jaeyoon, as it turned out, was a senior pre-law student who happened to be a math prodigy. Taeyang had never understood math better than when Jaeyoon was explaining it to him in his honeyed voice. It didn’t hurt that he was unfailingly attractive either. Taeyang even got his number, just in case. 

Youngkyun shook off Taeyang’s odd behavior and welcomed the distraction of hanging out with his friends. He made sure he didn’t get back to the dorm too late so he could take a shower. 

When Taeyang got home, he was surprised to see that he had a text from Jaeyoon, making sure he got back to his dorm okay. He replied with a cute emoji. 

Youngkyun was glad to see that Taeyang was in the room when he got back from his shower. “How was the tutoring center? Were they helpful?” he asked politely. 

“Oh, it was great!” Taeyang said, “I’ve never understood math better in my life.”

Youngkyun mustered a small smile. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad it helped,” he said. He put his laptop away for the night and climbed into bed. 

Taeyang slid into his own bed and giggled at the cat meme Jaeyoon had sent him. The older man was fun to talk to and he could see them becoming great friends. 

Youngkyun glanced up when he heard Taeyang giggle. He hadn’t seen his roommate this happy since they moved in. After a few more minutes of scrolling through his phone, he set his alarm and rolled over to go to sleep.

Taeyang stayed up talking to Jaeyoon for a while before passing out on top of his phone. The attention was just that nice. 

Usually, Taeyang was up earlier than Youngkyun but not this morning. Youngkyun quietly sneaked around the room to get ready and then left for his morning class. 

Taeyang very nearly missed his morning class, by virtue of not setting an alarm. When he told Jaeyoon this, all he got was a teasing response about not getting distracted. 

When Youngkyun was done with his classes, he hunkered down in his bed to do some work. It was so much more comfortable to sit in bed rather than his desk. He leaned against the headboard and had his legs bent so he could lean his laptop against them. So far this semester he hadn’t really needed his glasses but all the work he had done on his laptop was putting a strain on his eyes so he was wearing them today.

Taeyang returned to the room and had to do a double take. “I didn’t know you wore glasses,” he said. Youngkyun looked fucking adorable. 

Youngkyun looked up when the door opened and pushed the stray pieces of hair out of his face. “Oh yeah. I don’t really wear them as much as I should but my laptop’s been killing me lately,” he said.

“They suit you really well,” Taeyang said, “and they look really cute with the hair.” On top of Youngkyun’s head was the tiniest ponytail, holding just the topmost strands of hair out of his face. 

Youngkyun’s eyebrows shot up and he had to take a moment to register what Taeyang said. “Oh, uh, thanks,” he said. He dropped his eyes back to his laptop, slightly embarrassed. Did Taeyang just say his glasses looked cute?

“How did your classes go today?” Taeyang asked. He settled in his bed and grabbed his sketchbook. 

“Pretty good. They’re already starting with the real work though,” Youngkyun said with a sigh, “how were yours?”

“They were good,” Taeyang said, “definitely starting to get real though.”

Youngkyun was surprised with how naturally their conversation flowed until they both got back to work. It was nice to be able to actually have a conversation that wasn’t awkward again. Hopefully everything would stay this way. 

Fortunately, classes were still fairly easy. The rest of the week went smoothly, although Taeyang did meet with Jaeyoon again for some more tutoring. 

When Saturday night finally rolled around, Youngkyun found himself in front of a mirror checking his outfit. Freshman were finally allowed on the shuttles and Dongyeol had been itching to go out all week; now it was finally here. 

Taeyang had decided to stay in that weekend. He was still recovering from the previous week and definitely didn’t want to risk a repeat. “You look good,” he commented, idly watching Youngkyun get ready. 

“Thanks,” Youngkyun said with a small smile. “I doubt it’ll happen tonight but I’ll text you a warning if I end up bringing a girl back here.”

Taeyang grimaced. “Please do, I’ll find alternate shelter,” he said. That was the last thing he wanted to see. 

Youngkyun laughed at that. He tucked his hair behind his ear and glanced in the mirror one last time. “Alright, I’m out of here. I’m not sure when I’ll be back so I’ll probably see you in the morning,” he said. 

“Sounds good,” Taeyang said, “have fun!” With Youngkyun gone, he could finally hunker down and do some drawing. 

Youngkyun stopped at Dongyeol’s room to do a couple of shots before going to get on the shuttle. By the time they got to the club, he was already starting to feel it and after another drink he was good to go. He stuck together with Dongyeol and it didn’t take long for them to both find some girls to dance with. 

Taeyang was angry with himself. He wanted to draw something,  _ anything _ but Youngkyun, but that was what he kept coming back to. God forbid the younger man ever go through his sketchbook, or his trash can. 

The music was blasting and Youngkyun wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the girl he was dancing with. As the night went on, he had a couple more drinks, but nothing like the previous weekend. When it was almost time for the club to close, he dragged Dongyeol out with him, not without getting the girl’s snapchat, and headed home. 

Once again, Taeyang fell asleep with the lights on and his sketchbook in hand. As he slumped into his pillows, the book dropped and landed on the floor, still open. 

Youngkyun wasn’t quite sober when he got back but he had enough common sense to not stomp around. He was surprised the light was still on. It made his life that much easier though. He got dressed and was just about to leave to wash up when he caught of Taeyang’s sketchbook on the floor. Deciding to be a good roommate, he went to pick it up and got distracted looking at the picture. It looked oddly familiar. He turned the sketchbook around and gasped when he got a proper look at the picture. Was that him? No, that couldn’t be right. His drunk mind was seeing things. With a shake of his head, he went to wash up and then get some sleep.

When Taeyang woke up the next morning, his sketchbook was on the desk. He didn’t remember putting it there, but he didn’t remember a lot of things when he was tired. 

Youngkyun had no idea what time it was when he finally woke up. He whined tiredly, not ready to face reality yet, and rolled over to get a little more sleep. 

“How hungover are you?” Taeyang asked when he heard Youngkyun groan. It was pouring outside and he had no intentions of going any further than the front door of the building. 

“My head hurts,” Youngkyun whined childishly. He hadn’t had nearly as much to drink as last weekend but he also hadn’t had any water. 

“I’m ordering breakfast,” Taeyang said, “how greasy do you want it?” He already had a nearby diner’s website pulled up on his phone. 

“Very,” Youngkyun mumbled, “want a sandwich.” He pulled his blanket over his head and burrowed beneath the covers. 

“Cute,” Taeyang muttered, “how spicy do you like your sausage?”

“Not,” Youngkyun mumbled, “wake me up when it gets here.” He was more than happy to fall asleep for a few more minutes, especially now that he heard the rain outside of their window.

Taeyang ordered them both greasy sandwiches, along with some pancakes for himself. “Twenty minutes,” he said, not sure if Youngkyun was even still awake. 

Youngkyun whined quietly in response. Between the gentle sounds of the rain and his warm blanket, it didn’t take much longer than that for him to fall back asleep. 

When the driver called him, Taeyang rushed downstairs and grabbed the food, leaving him with a large tip. “Food’s here,” he announced when he got back. 

Youngkyun groaned when Taeyang came back. Reluctantly he pushed the covers off and sat up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and pushed his hair out of his face. Blearily, he reached for his fridge to grab some water. 

Taeyang tossed Youngkyun’s sandwich onto his bed. “I got you bacon instead of sausage,” he said, “I wasn’t sure how spice sensitive you are.”

“Thank you,” Youngkyun said quietly. He opened the sandwich and took a bite. He hummed happily and reached around for a napkin to wipe the grease from his chin. “What do I owe you?” he asked through a mouthful of food. 

“Oh, don’t even worry about it,” Taeyang said, “I have a fucking black card, I don’t need your cash, man.”

Youngkyun nearly choked on his sandwich. “Holy shit,” he mumbled to himself. He remembered Taeyang mentioned his parents were always working and it made sense now. “Thanks a lot,” he said a little louder. He took another bite of his sandwich. 

“Yeah, no problem,” Taeyang said. He wondered why he had so suddenly admitted that. Normally, he tried to hide it. 

Youngkyun hadn’t realized Taeyang was so well off. He certainly didn’t act like most of the snooty rich kids. “Why did you come here?” he asked curiously, “you could have gone to any elite school in the country. Hell, you could have gone abroad. Why here?”

“I didn’t want to go anywhere else,” Taeyang said with a shrug, “all I want to do is paint. I don’t need to go to Harvard for that, or even SNU. And I wanted to go somewhere where no one would know my family.”

Youngkyun whistled lowly. “I’d never have pegged you for a rich kid,” he admitted, “not by how you act at least.”

“You know Yoo Cosmetics? That’s my parents,” Taeyang said, “I don’t need a bunch of sorority girls begging me for the newest whatever the fuck.”

“That’s your family?” Youngkyun asked incredulously, “damn, man. I never would have guessed.” Taeyang could have a private tutor for all he wanted but here he was. 

“Trust me, I really wish it wasn’t,” Taeyang said, a little sadly, “your mom may have felt a little overbearing during move in, but at least she was there. I can’t even remember the last time I saw mine.”

Youngkyun felt bad. It was obvious how much this bothered Taeyang. “I’m really sorry,” he said, “I hope they come around soon.” His roommate was such a nice kid. He didn’t deserve to be sidelined liked this.

“I doubt it, but thank you,” Taeyang said quietly. He didn’t like talking about his relationship with his parents, especially with someone he really barely knew. 

Youngkyun dropped his eyes back to his sandwich. “I won’t say anything,” he said, “no one will know but me.”

“I just don’t like people thinking I’m some spoiled rich kid who has never had to work for anything in life,” Taeyang said, “I mean, I haven’t  _ needed _ to, but I’ve done the work anyway.”

Youngkyun’s eyes flicked up. “I wouldn’t have known if you didn’t say anything,” he said, “you don’t act like a spoiled rich kid at all.”

“I’m sorry for dumping this all on you,” Taeyang said, finally unwrapping his sandwich. “I normally don’t talk about it at all.”

Youngkyun shrugged. “It’s alright. I’m here to listen to whatever you need to talk about,” he said, “it doesn’t sound like you’ve really had someone to talk about this with before.”

“I have everything anyone could ever want,” Taeyang said, a little bitterly, “what could I possibly have to complain about?”

Youngkyun paused for a minute. “No matter how much ‘better’ your life may be than other people’s, it doesn’t mean you can’t complain about stuff,” he said carefully, “I’ll always be here to listen if you ever need someone. I can imagine it’s hard enough not having your parents around.”

“I’ve got Youngbin hyung,” Taeyang said, “not that he has much time right now.”

Youngkyun hummed. He remembered what happened when he tried to overstep helping Taeyang with math so he decided to back off. “I’m glad you have someone. I hope you get to see him more often,” he said. 

“Yeah, I hope so,” Taeyang said, “Jaeyoon hyung, my tutor, had been really helpful too.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Youngkyun said. He finished the last bite of his sandwich and reached for his water. At least Taeyang had some people he could go to. 

Taeyang finished up his sandwich and grabbed the pancakes. He almost regretted getting them, but he hated wasting food and he knew they wouldn’t reheat well, so he shoveled them down regardless. 

Youngkyun was fine with the silence. He downed the rest of his water and decided to go take a shower before trying to be productive.

Taeyang grabbed his tablet when he was done eating, intent on putting some of his non-Youngkyun drawings into digital. It helped him to better plan the colors for when he actually painted it. 

Youngkyun grabbed his phone when he heard it buzz. He dodged Dongyeol’s attempt to come over before silencing it and tossing it to the side. He finally stopped procrastinating and pulled at his laptop, hissing quietly when the bright light hit his eyes. 

“You should get one of those plug-ins to yellow your light,” Taeyang commented, “it’s a lot better for your eyes, especially in the dark.”

Youngkyun turned the brightness all the way down as quickly as he could. “Thanks, I’ll look into it,” he said. It wasn’t really that critical and he had his glasses if it got bad. 

“I have one on my laptop, I can show you how to install it if you decide you want it,” Taeyang offered. 

Youngkyun glanced at his glasses on his desk and then back to his laptop. “That would be great actually,” he said. He wasn’t the greatest with computers so he didn’t like to mess around with them too much. 

“It doesn’t have to be now, just whenever you want,” Taeyang said, “I don’t have any plans this weekend.”

“I’ll let you know,” Youngkyun said, “thanks, really.” For now, he snagged his glasses and got to work finishing up his assignment for the week.

Taeyang managed to get all of his sketches digitized and finish all of his homework except the math by the time the weekend was up. He texted Jaeyoon, asking if they could meet for tutoring on Tuesday. 

Youngkyun got ahead on his work so that he could spend most of the night in Dongyeol and Chanhee’s room. It was nice to live vicariously through his friends and enjoy their suite every once and awhile. 

On Tuesday, Taeyang and Jaeyoon met up in the evening for some tutoring. They had been texting nonstop and it felt just like two old friends studying together. When they finally got up to leave, Taeyang decided to shoot his shot. “Hey, would you maybe want to go out for coffee sometime?”

Youngkyun laid sprawled out on Dongyeol’s couch, laughing as his friend cursed him up and down for winning. It was nice to be able to play video games with his friends for an afternoon and forget all the responsibilities of his classes. 

“Oh, Taeyang,” Jaeyoon said kindly, “you’re cute, but you’re really just a kid to me. We can definitely go out for coffee, but not in a romantic way, okay?” Taeyang nodded, trying not to let his face fall. 

Youngkyun stayed late into the night, only leaving when Dongyeol’s roommates started going to bed. He finally left the comfort of the suite and walked home, taking advantage of the nice weather as long as possible. 

Taeyang trudged back to his dorm, trying not to feel too disappointed. He had known it would be a long shot, but Jaeyoon had just been so nice about it! How was he supposed to stop liking him when he was so damn kind all the time?

Youngkyun’s small smile fell off his face when he caught sight of Taeyang. His roommate looked upset and he wasn’t quite sure if he could ask or not.

Taeyang didn’t even bother changing before just flopping in bed and calling it a night. He had no energy for anything else. 

Youngkyun chewed on his lip. “Is everything okay?” he asked cautiously. At least he’d he able to say he tried. 

Taeyang sighed. “Thursday,” he mumbled, “we’re gettin’ toasted.”

Youngkyun’s eyes shot up. “You? Wanted to get plastered? On a Thursday? Wouldn’t you rather wait until Friday?” he asked incredulously. Whatever happened was definitely pretty bad. 

“Thirsty Thursday, fuck it up,” Taeyang said, raising one fist sarcastically. He really just wanted to be sad. 

“Whoa, okay,” Youngkyun said quietly, “Dongyeol’ll be happy to hear that.” He got changed and climbed into bed with a shake of his head. This definitely wasn’t like his roommate at all.

Thursday rolled around and Taeyang didn’t feel any better. He felt lonely, and sad. When they finally got to the club they were planning on spending the evening at, he made a beeline for the bar and immediately tossed back three shots, no chaser. It was  _ horrible  _ but boy did it help. 

Youngkyun got himself a drink and just sipped it. “I think I’m gonna keep an eye on him tonight. He’s definitely not taking it easy,” he said to Dongyeol. “Come  _ on _ , man. It’s no fun just babysitting for the night,” Dongyeol pointed out. 

Taeyang finally ordered a mixed drink and carried it back over to his friends. He could tell he looked angry and miserable, but he didn’t care. It was time to fucking wallow. 

Youngkyun gave Taeyang one look and shook his head. “You look like you need to dance and I not drunk enough for that,” he said. “I am though!” Dongyeol announced loudly. He grabbed onto Taeyang’s hand and dragged him into the middle of the dance floor. 

Taeyang groaned but let Dongyeol pull him into the dance floor. He danced for a while before pulling away to get another drink and go sit down. 

Youngkyun tossed back his drink and got another one. Now that he was starting to feel the alcohol he was ready to dance. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught Taeyang walking to a table. “Whoa, what are you doing? The dance floor’s that way!” he said, grabbing onto his roommate’s arm. 

“No,” Taeyang whined, “let me be fucking sad already!”

“You can be sad in the dorm room later. You can’t dance with hot gi- guys at home,” Youngkyun said, “come on, I wanna dance!” He pulled Taeyang away from the table.

Taeyang pulled away from Youngkyun, accidentally spilling his drink all over himself. “I don’t want to!” he said again insistently. 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” Youngkyun said, trying to wipe Taeyang’s shirt off. “You don’t have to come but will you at least let me buy you another drink?”

“This was a mistake,” Taeyang said with a pout, “why won’t you just let me get plastered and throw up my feelings into the storm drain outside?”

Youngkyun stepped back. “I just offered to buy you another drink?” he said, slightly confused, “and I wouldn’t be a very good roommate if I did that.” He grabbed Taeyang again and dragged him towards the bar.

Taeyang stumbled behind Youngkyun, empty glass forgotten in his hand. He needed the strongest thing that they had. 

Youngkyun glanced back at Taeyang. He giggled quietly before ordering them each two tequila shots. This would definitely push him over the edge. 

Taeyang took both shots together, once again not bothering with the chaser. “Oh, that was terrible,” he moaned, “why did I do that?”

“Because it’s going to fuck you up,” Youngkyun said candidly, tossing his lime piece back onto the bar. “I’m going to dance with Dongdongie. Don’t leave without me,” he said. With that, he was moving through the crowd to the dance floor. 

Taeyang stumbled back over to the empty table and sat down heavily. He watched his friends dancing and wished he felt good enough to join them. Being sad sucked. 

Youngkyun had a lot of time to make up for. Thankfully he found Dongyeol quickly and wasted no time joining him. One of his talents he was most proud of was being able to dance to the beat of a song no matter how drunk he was. He never remembered how most of his nights out went but at least he knew he danced well. 

Taeyang laid his arms on the table and his head on his arms, watching his friends with a pout on his face. He couldn’t even call them friends really. They were just acquaintances through his roommate.

Youngkyun wasn’t paying attention to anything around him, except the girl he was dancing with. He wasn’t even sure if Dongyeol was still around and he had lost track of Chanhee a long time ago. 

Taeyang made a face when he saw the girl dancing all over Youngkyun. Straight people were so gross, always shoving their affection right in his face. 

Youngkyun could almost forget about Taeyang being miserable until he looked up and caught sight of his roommate. Maybe it was time to go home. He whispered his goodbyes to the girl he was dancing with and gave her a kiss before stumbling over to Taeyang. “I wanna go home,” he whined.

Taeyang grunted and got up, immediately clinging onto his roommate. “Let’s go home then,” he mumbled. 

Youngkyun smiled victoriously. He clung onto Taeyang and somehow managed to get them both out of the club without falling over. “I am not sober enough to support you,” he said with a laugh. 

Taeyang pulled out his phone and unlocked it, almost dropping it in the process of passing it to Youngkyun. “Call Uber,” he said, knowing he was way too intoxicated to navigate the app.

Youngkyun squinted to see the phone and after a few missed clicks managed to call an Uber. They tumbled into the back when it arrived and he was never more happy to not have to give the driver their address. 

Taeyang leaned his head on Youngkyun’s shoulder, quieting down a bit as they drove. “Why doesn’t anyone want me?” he finally asked. 

Youngkyun was surprised when Taeyang leaned on him. “There’s tons of people that want you,” he assured. 

“Where? Who?” Taeyang demanded. “Girls don’t, guys don’t, even my own fucking parents don’t.”

“You have your Youngbin hyung and your tutor, Jae whatever his name was,” Youngkyun listed, “you have me.”

Taeyang snorted. Yeah fucking right. Youngbin was too busy, Jaeyoon had rejected him, and Youngkyun...was straight. 

Youngkyun rolled his eyes. He was so happy when they finally got back to campus. “Come on,” he whined, practically dragging Taeyang back to their room, “I’m going to make you feel better.”

“Good fucking luck,” Taeyang muttered, “I’m really fuckin’ grumpy.”

Youngkyun ignored that. When they got back to the room, he pulled Taeyang into bed with him. He wrapped himself around his roommate, trapping him to the bed. “You look like you need a hug,” he mumbled. 

Taeyang all but collapsed, clinging to Youngkyun tightly. He hadn’t been held like this in a long, long time. 

Youngkyun hummed and buried his face in Taeyang’s neck. His roommate’s cologne smelled really good and he made a mental note to ask to borrow it sometime. “Better?” he mumbled.

“No,” Taeyang mumbled, “I’m still sad. Still lonely.”

Youngkyun pouted. “Aw, Taeyang, you’ll find someone I promise you’ll find someone that wants you. You’re smart, you’re nice, you’re pretty, how could someone  _ not  _ want you? You’ll find your person, I’ll make sure of it,” he said. 

“They just want me for my money,” Taeyang complained, “no one wants me for me. Not even you!”

That stung a little. “I don’t want you for your money!” Youngkyun defended, “I like you for you.”

“No, you don’t,” Taeyang said, “you ignored me!”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Youngkyun asked, starting to get a little annoyed, “I’ve offered to help you so many times and you’re the one that doesn’t want it. I don’t ignore you for no reason.” 

“You’re doing it again!” Taeyang said, pulling away from his roommate, “you won’t even acknowledge what happened!”

Youngkyun looked at Taeyang slightly confused for a moment before it clicked. “Oh, Taeyang, that was an accident. We were both  _ very _ drunk and obviously not thinking. There’s nothing really to talk about,” he said. 

“I  _ know  _ it was an accident!” Taeyang cried, “everything about me is a fucking accident. That’s why it  _ hurts _ !”

Youngkyun frowned. He didn’t like seeing Taeyang this upset. “Hey, hey that’s not true. Not everything about you is an accident,” he said gently. 

Taeyang snorted. If only Youngkyun knew. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, “you still hate me anyway.”

Youngkyun looked up at Taeyang with sad eyes. “I don’t hate you,” he said quietly, “I don’t hate you at all. I’m really sorry you think that.”

“You should,” Taeyang said, “that’d make things so much easier.”

Youngkyun pouted. “But you’re my roommate and my friend. I don’t want to hate you. That’d make living here horrible for both of us,” he said. 

“I would deserve it,” Taeyang said miserably, pulling away from Youngkyun again. 

Youngkyun tightened his grip so Taeyang couldn’t move away. “No, you wouldn’t,” he said firmly, “you don’t deserve that at all.”

“I wouldn’t?” Taeyang asked, “why not? I’m a terrible person and a terrible friend.”

“You are not a terrible person and you are not a terrible friend,” Youngkyun assured. He tugged Taeyang to lay back down. “Just relax and let me help you feel better.”

Taeyang let himself be pulled to lay down. He didn’t know what Youngkyun was going to do but he was tired and sloppy and didn’t want to fight anymore. 

Youngkyun buried his face in Taeyang’s neck again and held his roommate close. He took a deep breath and immediately relaxed. “You smell really good,” he commented. 

“Thanks,” Taeyang mumbled, “it’s women’s perfume.”

“It’s nice,” Youngkyun murmured, “it suits you.” He was so close to Taeyang that his lips brushed against his roommates neck as he talked. 

Taeyang shivered as Youngkyun’s lips brushed his neck. “What are you doing?” he breathed. 

Youngkyun smirked when he felt Taeyang shiver. “Just talking,” he said innocently, “why? Is there something you want me to be doing?” 

“You’re very close to just be talking,” Taeyang said, “and I’m really hot and these clothes are really sweaty.”

“Then take them off,” Youngkyun said easily. He sat up, taking his own shirt off in the process.

If Taeyang had been even the tiniest bit more sober, he would have said no, would have pulled away from Youngkyun and gone to his own bed and said good night. But he was drunk and touch starved, so he shucked off his jeans instead. 

When Taeyang was more comfortable, Youngkyun pulled him back to lay down again. He tucked his head into his roommate’s neck again. He wondered how much it would take to cheer him up a little bit. Instead of saying anything, he gently dragged his teeth across the base of Taeyang’s neck. The small sober part of his brain was screaming at him to stop, but the tequila shots were egging him on. 

Taeyang exhaled shakily. This was going in a very dangerous direction, but he was the last person that was going to say no right now. He just needed someone. 

“You’re so tense, Taeyang,” Youngkyun whined, “you gotta let go, man.” He paused. “Do you trust me?” he whispered. His hand dropped to Taeyang’s thigh.

Taeyang’s hand immediately dropped to cover Youngkyun’s. “Yeah,” he breathed out. 

Youngkyun smiled. He effortlessly flipped them both over and hovered over Taeyang. “Don’t worry. I’ll make you feel better,” he said. His original intention was just to cuddle a little bit but they both definitely needed more than that. And his drunk mind was happy to oblige. This time was much less uncoordinated, albeit still sloppy. Youngkyun was less drunk than last time but that still didn’t mean he was thinking straight. 

When Taeyang woke up once again naked and sore in Youngkyun’s bed, he felt like crying. How had he let this happen again? What was  _ wrong _ with him?

Youngkyun felt movement against his side and was not ready to get up. He pulled whatever was next to him close and tightened his grip. There was no way he was getting to class so he decided to just sleep in. 

Taeyang grunted when Youngkyun suddenly yanked him against his side. This was clearly not going to go as smoothly as the last time. 

Youngkyun cracked his eyes open when he heard a grunt. He nearly choked when he realized his face was millimeters from Taeyang’s. How had this happened? He just wanted to make his roommate feel better. But definitely not like this.

Taeyang’s eyes widened when he realized Youngkyun was awake and looking at him. “Morning,” he said weakly. 

Youngkyun let go of Taeyang and sat up. “Morning? Morning!? This can’t be happening. This  _ cannot _ be happening,” he said miserably. He buried his face in his hands. What were they going to do?

Taeyang sat up slowly, wincing as pain ran up his spine. “Are we gonna talk about it this time?” he asked tentatively. 

“No, no way, absolutely not,” Youngkyun said. He got out of bed and put on his boxers as quickly as he could. Throwing on an old t-shirt and shorts too, he started grabbing his stuff to take a shower. 

“What?” Taeyang said, stunned, “this is the second time, Youngkyun, clearly something’s going on that we need to discuss.”

“There’s nothing to discuss. We’re just clearly too desperate to get drunk around each other,” Youngkyun said. He couldn’t even look at Taeyang. 

“If I’m remembering things correctly,  _ you’re  _ the one that initiated everything,” Taeyang said, “and  _ you’re  _ the one that gets to walk away like nothing happened.”

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. But that being said, we can both walk away. One night stands happen all the time and there’s no reason to get stuck on this,” Youngkyun said. 

“You shoved your entire penis up my asshole, Youngkyun,” Taeyang said bluntly, “I’m not  _ walking  _ away from anything. God, did we even use a condom?”

“I was drunk!” Youngkyun defended, “and I always use condoms no matter what. You need to walk away from this. There’s nothing going on here, I’m sorry.”

“You’re an asshole,” Taeyang said, stealing the younger man’s blanket to cover himself so he could finally get out of bed, “I was even more drunk than you were but at least I’m trying to acknowledge that it happened and maybe it wasn’t a mistake.”

Youngkyun scoffed. “Wasn’t a mistake? I’m sorry, I know this is how you roll but it’s not how I do. I’m sure you’ll find your someone who cares about you a lot and likes you romantically but it’s not me,” he said. 

“How I roll?” Taeyang repeated incredulously, “what the fuck is  _ that  _ supposed to mean?”

“I’m not gay,” Youngkyun clarified, “I’m just a little too desperate to find someone to hook up with and who doesn’t think when they’re drunk.”

“Oh,  _ fuck you _ ,” Taeyang said. He finally found his underwear and yanked them on before throwing the blanket back at Youngkyun. “You took advantage of me being upset and lonely to get your rocks off and that’s a dick move.”

Youngkyun caught the blanket and put it back on his bed. “I’m sorry. For the last time, I’m sorry. This is why it would be better for us to just move on and forget this happened,” he said. 

“Obviously, you’re fucking not,” Taeyang spat. He pulled the rest of his clothes on hurriedly and grabbed his phone and wallet before shoving past Youngkyun toward the door. “You’re just a predatory fucking whore. I can’t  _ believe _ I trusted you. Don’t come near me again.” With that, he stormed out. 

Youngkyun’s breath caught in his throat and he took a hard seat on the bed. Predatory? No, no that wasn’t right. He didn’t mean to hurt Taeyang, he really didn’t. This was horrible and he couldn’t even talk to Dongyeol about it. Blindly, he pulled out his phone and texted Chanhee, asking if he was alone in the room. 

Taeyang probably could have run to Youngbin’s apartment on the adrenaline alone if his back and thighs weren’t killing him. He didn’t even want to look at the damage. As it was, the adrenaline was wearing off and the need to cry was setting in. How  _ dare  _ Youngkyun use him like that?

When Chanhee texted back an affirmative, Youngkyun stood up and made his way across campus. He hadn’t even registered the walk and before he knew it, Chanhee was opening the door. “Whoa, you don’t look good at all,” Chanhee said. “I fucked up,” Youngkyun whispered. 

Taeyang was already crying when Youngbin opened the door. Fortunately, the older man knew better than to ask questions and simply took the freshman inside. 

Chanhee walked Youngkyun into his room and closed the door. He guided his friend to his bed and sat down next to him. “What happened?” he asked calmly. “I-I slept with Taeyang,” he whispered, “twice. I was drunk and I wasn’t thinking and I told him it didn’t mean anything and...and…he’s so  _ angry.  _ He thinks I did it on purpose and I don’t know how to fix it. But whatever you do, you can’t tell Dongyeol.” As he said it the door swung open. “Can’t tell me what?” Dongyeol asked with crossed arms. Youngkyun froze. 

“It h-happened again,” Taeyang sobbed, “and he b-basically called me a brainless sl-slut and a-acted like it was the b-biggest mistake of h-his life.” Youngbin sighed heavily and held Taeyang tightly. The poor kid didn’t deserve this. 

“N-Nothing,” Youngkyun stuttered, “it’s nothing.” He stood up and tried to leave the room but Dongyeol stopped him. “Absolutely not. What’s going on? You never hide stuff from me,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun couldn’t help it and he immediately broke down sobbing. Dongyeol carefully guided Youngkyun to sit back down. “It’s fine. I’m f-fine,” Youngkyun stuttered, “I just...I can’t lose you too.” 

“I swear to god, if I ever see that little punk,” Youngbin started, but Taeyang quickly cut him off. “No,” he said, “d-don’t do anything to him.” 

“Lose me? What the fuck are you talking about?” Dongyeol asked. Youngkyun hid his face in his hands and sobbed harder. “I-I-I,” he took a deep breath to try and calm himself down, “I s-slept with Taeyang.” Dongyeol paused. “Like  _ slept with _ slept with?” he asked. Youngkyun nodded, still too scared to look up. 

“I j-just feel so used,” Taeyang said, finally starting to calm down, “he took advantage of me.”

“Please, please don’t hate me,” Youngkyun choked out, “I didn’t mean to and we were drunk and I swear I’m not into guys. It was just a mistake and I-” Dongyeol quickly cut him off. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Youngkyun, you gotta breathe. I don’t hate you at all. I take it he didn’t take this well though.” Youngkyun finally looked up. “You don’t?” he asked in a small voice. “Of course I don’t. You’re my best friend. I would never hate you for something like this and neither would Chanhee,” Dongyeol assured. Their younger friend nodded in agreement. 

“He did,” Youngbin agreed, “and that was really fucking gross of him. If you want to stay here for a while, I’m okay with that.”

“We would never hate you for liking guys,” Dongyeol said. It made sense now why Youngkyun had gone to talk to Chanhee first. “But you don’t understand, I  _ don’t  _ like guys,” Youngkyun said. “You could be bi too, Youngkyunnie,” Chanhee said, “I know you still like girls but you don’t sleep with your roommate twice and not have any sort of feelings, drunk or not.” “I’m sorry Chanhee. I love you a lot but that’s not me. I’m not bi, I’m not gay, I’m not any of it,” Youngkyun insisted. “It’s okay if you are,” Dongyeol said gently. “No, it’s not! My mom would  _ kill  _ me,” Youngkyun said desperately.

Taeyang didn’t say anything. He just sniffled and let Youngbin hug him tighter. As much as everything hurt, he still couldn’t find it in him to hate Youngkyun. 

“No, she wouldn’t. Your mom loves you,” Dongyeol assured. “You don’t understand,” Youngkyun said harshly, “she threatened me before I left. She’d put me on the street in a heartbeat and I can’t afford that.” “You have us,” Chanhee piped up. “I know I do but neither of you can afford that either,” Youngkyun said with a sniff. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and gratefully accepted the tissue Dongyeol handed him.

“I should have gone for a single,” Taeyang bemoaned, “I have the money, I might as well have flexed it.” “You know you would have been miserable,” Youngbin said. 

Dongyeol aside. “Your mother aside, do you want to tell us what actually happened?” he asked gently. Youngkyun teared up again. “The first time was that first weekend here after the party in your dorm. I don’t really remember it but we both didn’t talk about it. But then last night he was upset about something and I tried to comfort him and I guess that led us to having sex again. He called me out on it this morning and I tried to explain that it was just an accident and that’s not how I feel and he got  _ so  _ upset. He yelled at me and called me… called me predatory and…” he voice broke, “am I?” He looked up at his friends with big eyes.

“Less miserable than this,” Taeyang said, “I got rejected twice in one week. How stupid is that?”

“I wouldn’t go that far but you definitely aren’t innocent,” Dongyeol said, “you need to sit back and really think about how you feel.” “I  _ don’t  _ like him,” Youngkyun said, slightly annoyed. “No, I asked how  _ you _ feel, not how your mom told you to feel,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun didn’t reply. 

“I would have been fine with him calling it a mistake if he hadn’t been so…callous about it, and if he hadn’t insulted me in the process,” Taeyang said. “What exactly did he say?” Youngbin asked. “He said he was just desperate to hook up with someone who doesn’t think when they’re drunk,” Taeyang mumbled. Youngbin’s fists visibly clenched.

“I think you really need to sit back and think everything through. Take a couple days to calm down, process, and go from there. You definitely need to apologize to him at some point too,” Dongyeol said. “He doesn’t want to be around me and I don’t blame him,” Youngkyun said miserably. “Then you’re going to have to wait until he’s ready because you  _ cannot  _ leave this unresolved,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun nodded. 

“You’re staying here,” Youngbin decided, “until that little bitch grows the balls to apologize. No one treats you like that on my watch.”

“I have to go to class but are you okay here?” Chanhee asked. Youngkyun nodded. “Yeah, I am. Thanks, Chani,” he said. His younger friend smiled softly before standing and grabbing his backpack. “Do you want to stay here tonight?” Dongyeol asked. Youngkyun nodded. 

“Give me your card,” Youngbin said, getting up, “I’m gonna go get your books and some clothes.” Taeyang handed his wallet over wordlessly. “Get some pizza too,” he mumbled. 

“Come on, let’s take a walk to get you some stuff for the weekend and you can just stay here the whole time,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun nodded again and stood up to follow his friend across campus. 

“Don’t do anything if you see him please,” Taeyang called after Youngbin. He knew it wouldn’t stop his friend but at least he made an attempt. 

Dongyeol leaned against the dresser as Youngkyun gathered his stuff. He threw a bunch of clothes in a bag and grabbed some stuff for a shower. He didn’t want to bring any homework but he had no choice if he didn’t want to get behind. 

Youngbin let himself into Taeyang’s room and wasn’t surprised to see Youngkyun there. He was surprised that he was packing a bag. “Running away?” he sneered. 

Youngkyun whipped around when he heard a voice behind him. “N-No,” he stuttered, “just going somewhere else for the weekend.” He backed away from the intimidating man. This must be Taeyang’s friend. 

Youngbin started going through Taeyang’s wardrobe, grabbing the comfiest clothes he could find. “I hope you know how fucked up what you did and said was,” he said harshly. 

Youngkyun flinched. “I know,” he said quietly, “and I don’t ever expect his forgiveness. But you can tell him I’ll be talking to someone about moving out soon.”

“Or you could stop being a little bitch and apologize like a man,” Youngbin said unkindly, “but that doesn’t seem to be your style, does it?”

Youngkyun turned his head down. “He doesn’t want me around right now. I’ll apologize whenever he’s ready to hear it. And for the record, I tried to apologize already,” he said. 

“Oh yeah, calling him a brainless slut is a really stellar apology,” Youngbin said as he grabbed Taeyang’s bookbag. “Just forget it. You don’t deserve him anyway.”

“I  _ never  _ said that,” Youngkyun bit out. He would take what he deserved but he was not going to let things he didn’t do be held above his head. “And I don’t want him.” Dongyeol stood up straight and grabbed Youngkyun’s arm. 

Youngbin gave Youngkyun a look of disdain. “You only want to fuck people who don’t think when they’re drunk? You might as well have called him that,” he said, “I don’t want to hear any more bullshit. Stay away from Taeyang until you can apologize for real.” With that, he left. 

Youngkyun stood still, mouth open in shock. “I never said that,” he said quietly, “I never said that. I would  _ never  _ say that. He misunderstood me.” Dongyeol rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “You need to apologize sooner rather than later,” he said. 

Taeyang had migrated to Youngbin’s bedroom, where the comfy bed was, and was all but buried under the comforter when the older man got home. “I got your pizza,” he said quietly, “wanna come out and eat then we can cuddle and watch a movie?”

Youngkyun finished packing and followed Dongyeol to his room. He was going to text Taeyang first thing in the morning, when his head was clearer, and explain the misunderstanding. That was at least a good place to start. 

Taeyang carefully unburied himself from the comforter and took the pizza box into his lap. “You’re so good to me,” he said with a sniffle, “What did I ever do to deserve a friend like you?”

Dongyeol sent Youngkyun to take a shower while he talked to his roommates. They were more than happy to let Youngkyun stay for the weekend and one of them even offered an air mattress he had. 

Despite his earlier hunger for it, Taeyang couldn’t finish more than one piece of the pizza. Youngbin put the box in the fridge and put the movie on. “You never told me why you were upset to begin with,” he said after a while. Taeyang sighed. “I asked a guy out and he rejected me,” he said, “and I told Youngkyun about my parents too.”

Youngkyun plodded out of the shower and back into Dongyeol’s room. “I feel disgusting,” he whispered. Dongyeol smiled sympathetically. “Come lay down,” he said, patting the bed. Youngkyun obediently laid down and curled up in a ball, facing the wall. “Just get some rest,” Dongyeol said, moving to sit at his desk. Youngkyun couldn’t do that. His mind was racing with what to do and trying to figure out what had even happened. He stared blankly at the wall, letting his mind run away with him, and stray tears roll down his cheeks. 

“He doesn’t know I got rejected though,” Taeyang said, “he just thinks I was lonely. Which I was, and sad. Is it so much to ask for more than one person to give a fuck about me?”

Chanhee returned to the room to find Youngkyun curled up in Dongyeol’s bed. His roommate nodded to him so he gently sat down on the edge of the bed. He reached out and gently ran his fingers through Youngkyun’s hair but froze when his friend grabbed his wrist. “Not today. I don’t want to be touched right now,” Youngkyun whispered. Chanhee pulled back his hand and stared at Dongyeol. Youngkyun had never reacted like this, even in his worst moods. 

“I think you just need to give it a few days and then if he approaches you, be willing to talk it out,” Youngbin said, “don’t let this be the thing that ruins your year, okay?” Taeyang nodded. “Thanks, dad,” he mumbled. 

Youngkyun didn’t move for the rest of the day except to climb down onto the air mattress. He refused the food that Chanhee had brought him and opted to sleep instead. It was going to be a long couple of days trying to organize his thoughts.

Taeyang stayed the rest of the weekend in bed at Youngbin’s, only getting out when the older man forced him to shower. “You shouldn’t skip class,” he said on Sunday night, “especially since you skipped Friday.” Taeyang sighed. He was right.

“I think you should meet up tomorrow after class to talk. At least explain yourself, apologize for real and then you can go from there,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun nodded. He reached for his phone and with shaky fingers relayed the message to Taeyang. 

“He texted me,” Taeyang said, dropping his phone on the table for Youngbin to see. “What do I say? I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

Youngkyun tossed his phone to the side. Worst case scenario, Taeyang wasn’t ready to meet yet. If he was being honest that wasn’t that horrible of an outcome. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was even ready to meet up himself. 

“Meet up with him,” Youngbin said, picking up the phone and texting back. “See what he has to say for himself and if it’s nothing good, I’ll help you move.”

Youngkyun tensed up when his phone buzzed. He picked it up and was filled with a mixed feeling of dread and relief that Taeyang agreed. “I’ll see you after classes back in the room,” he replied. 

“I don’t want to meet him in private,” Taeyang said, reading over Youngbin’s shoulder. “I don’t trust him in private right now.”

Youngkyun tensed up when he saw the next message. “Tell me where you want to meet and I’ll be there,” he replied. 

The meeting was set up for the cafeteria and Youngbin informed Youngkyun that he should find somewhere to sleep because Taeyang would be going back to their room that night. He had run out of clothes to wear and quite frankly just needed to regroup himself. 

Youngkyun chewed on his lip. He couldn’t stay in Dongyeol’s room on a weekday and he didn’t have any other friends whose rooms he could crash in. With a sigh, he typed back an agreement. This was what he deserved after all.

Taeyang pouted the entire way when Youngbin drove him back to campus. He didn’t want to go in that room and be forced to remember the mistake he made. 

Youngkyun sat in the cafeteria the next evening, nervously waiting for Taeyang. Dongyeol and Chanhee sat at a table across the room, just in case something went south.

Taeyang was not excited for this conversation at all, but he still dropped himself into the cafeteria chair across from Youngkyun with a loud sigh. “Please buy me coffee first, I have a raging headache,” he said. 

“Yeah of course,” Youngkyun said, slightly flustered. He went to get both of them coffee and sat back down. “The first thing I want to clear up is the miscommunication. I  _ never  _ said that I wanted to sleep with someone who doesn’t think when they’re drunk. I said that  _ I  _ don’t think when I’m drunk which is what lead us here. I would  _ never  _ say that of anyone I slept with and I would never take advantage of someone like that. That being said, that doesn’t excuse what I’ve done to you,” he rambled. 

“That’s what you said though,” Taeyang said, “you said you looked for someone to hook up that doesn’t think when they’re drunk. What else was I supposed to think, Youngkyun? And you still conflated me being gay with me being promiscuous, which is a whole bag of nonsense that I don’t even want to touch.”

Youngkyun sighed. Oh, this was a disaster. It wasn’t even worth it to explain himself. It would just seem defensive anyway. “I’m really sorry for how much I hurt you,” he said instead, “you didn’t deserve that, especially after everything you’ve been through. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I want you to at least know that I truly didn’t mean to hurt you. And I’m not sure if your friend told you but I’m going to be moving out. I already sent in the request and it should be processed soon.”

“That’s not what I want,” Taeyang said, “I don’t want to lose your friendship over this, but you don’t seem to realize how much this is really hurting me. I was down and upset and you used that to get off, whether you meant to or not, then treated it like nothing. That really hurt.”

“I don’t know if it’s good for us to stay friends,” Youngkyun said quietly, “I’m scared I’m going to hurt you again. And you’re right. That was incredibly selfish of me and I wasn’t thinking. I really did want to make you feel better but I turned it into something that benefited me. That was horrible of me and I don’t know how to fully apologize.”

“I mean, as far as I know, I got off too,” Taeyang said, “but it’s not like I’m going out every weekend and bringing home guys and sleeping around with no care. I’m not like that and it really hurt that you insinuated that what we did together shouldn’t matter to me.”

Youngkyun chewed on his lip. “But why would it?” he asked carefully, “I just don’t understand how a drunken one night stand with your roommate could matter. When you’re with someone you care about and who treats you right, that’s when it should matter to you.”

“Because it’s still sex,” Taeyang said, “no matter how drunk I was, I wouldn’t have slept with you if I didn’t trust you. In fact, I remember you asking me if I trusted you and saying yes. I gave you something very intimate to me and that matters. I don’t do one night stands, I don’t do sex on the first date, I don’t do any of that, so all of this really matters to me.”

Youngkyun dropped his eyes. Now he felt even more guilty. “I...I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t more careful and that I didn’t take how you felt into consideration until now,” he said. He wished more than anything he could go back and undo everything, but of course it wasn’t that easy.

“It matters because we’re friends,” Taeyang said quietly, “and if we keep not talking about it, we’re going to lose that. And I wish we had this conversation on Friday morning instead of you freaking out at me, but there’s not much I can about that now.”

“Isn’t it already gone?” Youngkyun asked sadly, “I hurt you in the worst way possible. I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to stay friends with me.” His chest ached as he said it. He didn’t want to lose Taeyang as a friend but he had blown that to bits. 

“I was hurt, yes, but I’ve also had a few days to think about it and I think the biggest problem was just that we have different ideals about sex,” Taeyang said, “I don’t want to offend you, but it seems that promiscuity is much more commonplace for you, in the same way that homosexual attraction is more commonplace for me. We have differing opinions about them both because we have different ways of seeing them.”

Youngkyun nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry that we weren’t able to talk about all of this before everything happened,” he said. He knew he sounded like a broken record but there was nothing else he could do.

“What’s done is done, as far as I’m concerned,” Taeyang said, “I was mad and now I’m not. Maybe in the future we just avoid drinking around each other. Although, alcohol doesn’t magically make you queer,” he added, “that’s your own can of worms.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Youngkyun agreed. “But I...I told you already. I’m not gay,” he added a little too quickly. 

“I’m not saying you are,” Taeyang said simply, “there’s stuff other than gay. I’m just saying you might want to really think about why drunk you was so willing to jump into bed with a guy that you did it twice. No one ever has to know the answer but you, but I guarantee having an answer will make you much happier.”

_ I’m desperate and wasn’t thinking _ . But he couldn’t say that. That’s what got them into this whole mess in the first place. “I already have an answer and I’m very happy with it,” he said politely. 

“Then that’s that,” Taeyang said, “water under the bridge. And god forbid it does happen again, we have to talk about it rationally, alright?”

“It won’t happen again, I promise,” Youngkyun said sincerely. And he really did. “I’m going to be staying somewhere else tonight and I’m not sure when I’ll be out of your hair completely but I’ll let you know.” 

Taeyang sighed. If Youngkyun wanted to move out, there wasn’t much he could do to stop him. “I’ll miss having you around,” he said. 

Youngkyun was confused by that but he shook it off. “It’ll be better. You’ll be happier, I promise. And I’m not disappearing altogether. If you ever need something and your friend isn’t around, I’m here,” he said. 

“Well, until they process the request, don’t, like, be afraid of the room,” Taeyang said, “you live there too.”

Youngkyun nodded. “I won’t,” he promised. He stood up and grabbed his coffee. “Thank you for meeting with me. I’m glad we were able to talk.”

“I am too,” Taeyang said, “I’m sorry to run, but I actually have tutoring to get to.”

“Oh of course,” Youngkyun said, “I’ll see you later.” He stood up and walked across the cafe to find Dongyeol and Chanhee. “It went a lot better than I thought,” he said, answering their unasked question. 

Taeyang hurried across campus to the tutoring center. He was glad that they had been able to talk; it was much easier to focus now. 

“So you’re okay?” Dongyeol asked on their walk back to his dorm room. “I think so. Most of it was miscommunication that I didn’t think it was worth to try and clarify. He’s not mad anymore and at least I can be in the room for the week. He wants to stay friends though but I kept trying to tell him that’s not a good idea,” Youngkyun replied. 

Taeyang was a little nervous to go back to the room after tutoring, but he had no other choice. To his surprise, or maybe not, Youngkyun wasn’t back yet, so he grabbed his shower supplies. 

Youngkyun had stayed with Dongyeol and Chanhee until it started getting late. He was actually relieved that Taeyang wasn’t in the room when he got back. He got changed quickly and organized his stuff the best he could for now before climbing into bed and curling up into a ball. 

Taeyang got back from his shower and could make out the lump of Youngkyun in his bed. Quietly, he turned on his lamp and got changed before getting into his own bed. 

Youngkyun hated this. He didn’t know what to think or what to do. He just had to do his best to make this week as normal as possible. 

Taeyang sighed heavily as he buried himself into the pillows. It was barely even a month into the semester. What was going wrong?

Youngkyun gradually relaxed in the room again. By Friday, he was sitting up in bed working on his homework, headphones and glasses on. As he was typing, an email came through regarding his room change request. He switched over to his email and his heart sank as he read it. It was denied. He had to stay here for the rest of the semester and boy was it going to be a long few months. 

Taeyang was feeling bouncy as he made his way back to the room. He had actually had a good day, including a coffee and tutoring session with Jaeyoon. “How was your day?” he asked Youngkyun when he got back.

Youngkyun read the email again and again, making sure he didn’t read it wrong. He glared up at Taeyang when his roommate bounced into the room like nothing was wrong. “Oh, just great,” he said sarcastically, “just my request to move got denied but you probably knew that already.”

“What are you talking about?” Taeyang asked slowly. He knew nothing about Youngkyun’s transfer request at all.

“You mean to tell me that after you said you didn’t want me to move and happen to have a substantial amount of money that you had nothing to do with my request to get denied for absolutely no reason?” Youngkyun asked incredulously, “I don’t buy it.”

“I would  _ never _ do that,” Taeyang said firmly, “if you want to move, I’m not going to make you miserable and stop you. You know I would never use my money like that.”

“Well, there’s gotta be  _ some  _ reason this happened,” Youngkyun said desperately. He looked back at the email and read it again. Was this his karma?

“Well, it’s not me,” Taeyang said. He was trying very hard to not get upset. Did Youngkyun really think he would throw his weight around like that?

Youngkyun knew that, he did. It was just hard to believe that they really rejected him for no reason. “I just don’t know what happened. There has to be  _ something _ ,” he said. 

“Did you give them a reason when you requested the transfer?” Taeyang asked.

“I just told them it wasn’t a good match,” Youngkyun said, “I debated telling them it wasn’t safe but I didn’t want them to try and investigate.”

“That would probably be why,” Taeyang said, “they’re not going to move you just because we don’t get along. It has to be a health or safety hazard or something.”

Youngkyun sighed sadly and leaned his head back against the wall. If he lied and said it was health, they’d probably catch on and if he said it wasn’t safe, his mom would find out what happened and he definitely couldn’t have that. “I don’t know what to do,” he said, defeated. 

“You could always talk to the RA,” Taeyang said, “no guarantees, but you could explain what happened.”  _ Or you could stay _ .

“I might try that,” Youngkyun said. He chewed on his lip nervously. Was it worth the possible consequences just to move a room for a few months? Maybe he should talk to Dongyeol first. 

“Up to you,” Taeyang said with a shrug. His good mood was shot now, so he gathered his stuff to shower.

Youngkyun slammed his laptop closed and put it on his desk. He laid down with a huff and curled into a ball, with his back to the room. 

Taeyang took an extra long shower, trying to avoid Youngkyun as long as possible. When he couldn’t stand the cold water any longer, he finally got out and got dressed.

Youngkyun was dozing off when Taeyang came back. He barely registered what was going on but was awake enough to hear his roommate climb into his own bed. 

Taeyang sighed heavily as he settled into bed. He really hoped Youngkyun ended up deciding to stay. 

Youngkyun didn’t set an alarm for the following morning. When he finally woke up, he dragged himself out of bed to take a shower and head over to Dongyeol’s.

Taeyang slept in for once, all the way to noon. When he finally woke up, he texted Jaeyoon, asking if the older man wanted to study at the dorm instead of the library, since he could make free coffee and not get out of bed. 

Youngkyun stretched out across Dongyeol’s bed. “I don’t know what to do. I can talk to the RA but I can’t afford to get in trouble. And he said that he had nothing to do with this when I asked and he really isn’t the type to flaunt who he is. I just don’t understand wh-,” he rambled until he was cut off. “Youngkyun, dude, you  _ gotta _ relax. Just stay in the room. You’re psyching yourself out. He’s not a bad guy, you’re not a bad guy. It’s just been a little awkward and I know you can get over that,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun sighed and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” he said quietly.

Thankfully, Jaeyoon agreed, so Taeyang gave him the door code for the building and propped the door so he could get in the room. He made them both some coffee while he waited. 

“You also need to stop hiding from him. Go take your homework back to the room and do it there. Even if you both have headphones in,” Dongyeol said. Youngkyun groaned and despite his protests was all but kicked out of the room by his friend. He begrudgingly trudged across campus back to his room. 

Taeyang and Jaeyoon ended up both laying on their stomachs in Taeyang’s bed to work on his math set. It was the easiest place for them to set up. 

Youngkyun opened the door slowly when he heard talking. He had to do a double take when he saw someone he didn’t recognize lying next to Taeyang in his bed. It left him with an unsettled feeling in his stomach but he ignored it. “Oh, I...I’m sorry I just forgot something,” he lied. He rushed over to his desk and kept his head down, rifling around for something small he could take with him. 

“Oh, Youngkyun!” Taeyang said, turning around with a smile, “this is my tutor, Jaeyoon.” Jaeyoon waved over his shoulder before placing a hand on his back and guiding him back to their math questions. 

Youngkyun glanced up to catch Jaeyoon’s hand land on Taeyang’s back. Yeah, tutor. He smiled tightly and nodded a greeting before finally just snagging a small textbook. “I’ll see you later,” he said, turning around to leave the room. 

“See you!” Taeyang called before turning back to his equations. He was slowly starting to get it, between the coffee and Jaeyoon’s patient help. 

Youngkyun stomped his way to the library, feeling grumpy. Why was he so upset Jaeyoon was there anyway? Of course Taeyang was allowed to have his own friends and talk to whoever he wanted. He shook the thought of Jaeyoon’s hand on his roommate’s back from his mind. He was being ridiculous and definitely needed a distraction. Even after he found a spot in the library and got to work, he couldn’t shake the unsettled feeling. 

Once Taeyang and Jaeyoon had finished studying, they decided to watch a movie on Taeyang’s laptop. They had to sit close together to both be able to see, and Taeyang couldn’t help but think that he was a little glad Jaeyoon had rejected him. He liked this level of their friendship and seeing it go any further wasn’t really something he was actually interested in. 

Youngkyun finally couldn’t find a reason to stay in the library. He texted Dongyeol asking if he could go back and his friend adamantly refused. With a huff, he decided to be an adult and go back to his room, which he realized was a mistake the moment he opened the door. Jaeyoon and Taeyang were cuddled up in bed, happy as clams, watching a movie. His stomach twisted and he had to turn around. He hoped Taeyang wouldn’t see his frown. 

Taeyang was half asleep, his head laying on Jaeyoon’s shoulder as he just barely paid attention to the movie. He glanced up when the door opened, but barely registered Youngkyun standing there. 

Youngkyun grabbed his stuff and had to refrain himself from slamming the door closed. He trudged off to the bathroom and leaned against the counter. He stared at himself in the mirror and frowned more. What was wrong with him? He was jealous of Taeyang, that was the easy part. But why? He thought for a moment. He wanted someone to cuddle in bed with to watch movies too. And there was nothing he could do about that until he started talking to someone himself. With a determined nod, he finished getting ready for bed and texted Dongyeol that he wanted to go out the following weekend. 

The movie wasn’t quite finished, but Taeyang was fast asleep, so Jaeyoon carefully extracted himself and shut the laptop. He did his best to make sure Taeyang was laying down comfortably and to organize his things. 

Youngkyun came back to find Taeyang asleep and Jaeyoon putting everything away. He ignored the tutor in favor of putting his stuff away and climbing into bed. Once he had an alarm set, he laid down, scrolling through his phone to kill time. 

“Hey, can you just let him know that I left his equation card in the textbook?” Jaeyoon asked in a whisper as he shrugged on his coat. 

“Yeah, sure,” Youngkyun agreed distractedly. He hadn’t fully heard what Jaeyoon asked but he didn’t particularly care. 

“Thanks, man,” Jaeyoon said, “I’ll see you later.” He headed out after that, taking care to close the door quietly. 

Youngkyun scoffed. He wouldn’t be upset if he never saw Jaeyoon again. The following morning, he passed on what of the message he remembered and headed to Dongyeol’s. Eventually classes rolled back around and he got busier with homework. He had been getting a lot closer with one of his lab partners and had invited her over to his room to study and hang out, which was where they were now. 

Taeyang had been stretched thin all week. He had a giant project due, as well as work for all of his other classes. By the time he got home, he had a raging headache and just wanted to go to bed. That wasn’t going to happen though, because Youngkyun had some giggling girl in his bed. 

Youngkyun looked up when he heard the door open. “Hey, Taeyang,” he greeted politely, “this is one of my lab partners, Bora. And this is my roommate.” Once everyone was introduced, he turned back to his notes that were propped up on his legs. 

Taeyang waved half heartedly and dug around in his desk drawer for some ibuprofen. He popped two in one go and chased them with some water. Once he had taken the pills, he hauled himself into bed and pulled out his homework.

Studying for lab eventually turned into watching Netflix which eventually turned into ignoring the movie in favor of talking. Youngkyun tried to keep the noise and laughing to a minimum but it was hard. Bora was so easy to get along with and he couldn’t believe they hadn’t hung out until now.

Taeyang fought his way through his homework before slumping down in bed. He tried everything to block out the noise, from headphones to a pillow, but he eventually couldn’t take it anymore. “God, could you two  _ shut up _ ?” 

Youngkyun jumped a mile at Taeyang’s outburst. “Come on, let’s go get some dinner,” he said gently. He closed his laptop and moved his notes out of the way before climbing out of bed and helping Bora down. “I’m sorry. He’s not usually like this,” he apologized as they left the room. 

Taeyang groaned and buried his head under a pillow once they were gone. He just wanted this week to be over. 

Youngkyun was actually a little bit annoyed. He had stayed out of Taeyang and Jaeyoon’s way and didn’t say two words. He forgot about that while he ate dinner with Bora and talked for a little while longer. They parted ways after a while with a promise to hang out again. Youngkyun was actually the happiest he had been since he moved in and he wasn’t about to let Taeyang’s sour mood ruin that. 

Taeyang had just finally started to fall asleep when the door opened and Youngkyun came waltzing in. He groaned and pulled another pillow on top of his head. He couldn’t breathe but it was fine. 

Youngkyun rolled his eyes and ignored Taeyang. Hopefully whatever was bothering his roommate would be gone by tomorrow. He grabbed his stuff, went down the hall to get ready, and came back to flop down in bed. He smiled when he read a text from Bora saying how much she enjoyed hanging out. Things were finally starting to look up, hopefully it stayed this way. 

Taeyang was not feeling much better the next day. He spent all of his time not in class at the studio, trying to finish this painting before the midterm exhibition entries closed. 

Youngkyun could Taeyang was still in a pissy mood so he continued to ignore his roommate. If he had moved out, he wouldn’t have had to deal with this. But it was what it was, so he just continued about his day and waited for Taeyang to talk to him. 

Taeyang didn’t get back to the dorm until almost midnight. He was covered in paint and a little high from fumes, but he did his best to stay quiet. He didn’t want to disturb Youngkyun, especially after he knew he had been so rude the night before. 

Youngkyun was still on his phone when Taeyang came back to the room. Judging by the paint on his clothes and cheek, he must have been at the studio. Youngkyun relaxed considerably and put his phone down. He didn’t know why he was even worried to begin with. 

Taeyang mumbled something about going to shower before shuffling out of the room. He grabbed a tiny black bottle on his way. Turpentine was the only thing that would get this off of him. 

“Be careful,” Youngkyun whispered after the door had closed. He had been so annoyed with Taeyang all day and now that his roommate was home, he was worried. What the hell was wrong with him?

It took awhile but Taeyang finally managed to get himself clean of paint and not smelling disgusting. He trudged back to the room and all but collapsed into bed. 

Youngkyun chewed on his lip. He didn’t want to bother Taeyang but something had clearly been wrong the past couple of days. “Hey, is everything okay? You’ve been acting weird lately,” he asked before he could stop himself. 

Taeyang sighed. “Yeah, I’ve just got a huge deadline on Friday,” he said, “I’m pretty sure my blood is coffee and paint at this point.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Youngkyun asked quietly. He definitely couldn’t help with Taeyang’s project but he could try and help his roommate not be so stressed. 

“Not really,” Taeyang said, “it’ll be better once this deadline passes, but then I’ll just be stressed about whether I got in or not.”

Youngkyun would normally have invited Taeyang out with them over the weekend as a distraction but that definitely wasn’t a good idea. “I’m really sorry. I know you’ll get in. You’re too talented not to,” he said supportively. 

“You’ve never even seen my art,” Taeyang said, shaking his head, “and it’s an anonymous submission so it isn’t like my name will sway it.”

Well, he  _ had  _ seen one of Taeyang’s sketches but he couldn’t admit that now. “But you work so hard. I know it’s gonna pay off. And if for some reason it doesn’t, you have a lot of time for it too,” Youngkyun said supportively.

“If I don’t get a piece in at least one exhibition this semester, I fail the class,” Taeyang said, although it was more of a distressed moan, “I can’t afford to not make it.”

“That’s bullshit,” Youngkyun said candidly, “they don’t give freshmen access to the studio but they’ll fail them if they don’t get their art selected for an exhibition?”

“It’s not a freshman level class,” Taeyang said miserably, “I’m like three credits shy of sophomore status because of the way my high school worked.”

Well, that made sense why Dongyeol wasn’t complaining about this. “I’m really sorry they threw you into such a tough class to begin with,” Youngkyun said sincerely. He felt bad that he couldn’t really help. 

“Sophomore level classes but no sophomore level privileges,” Taeyang grumbled, “and it’s a requirement too.”

Youngkyun didn’t notice the pout that slipped onto his lips. “Are you going to take the extra credits next semester so you can skip a year?” he asked. 

“I don’t know,” Taeyang said with a pout, “I don’t want to miss out on the full college experience, y’know?”

Youngkyun hummed. He could understand that. At least from Taeyang’s perspective. “Please don’t draw yourself too thin,” he said quietly, “it’s not worth it.”

“I think I’ll take a lighter course load next semester and see where that puts me,” Taeyang said, “once I find out about this exhibition, I’ll feel different probably, but that’s my plan right now.”

Youngkyun nodded even though Taeyang couldn’t see him. “That sounds like a good idea,” he agreed, “you should get some rest. I’m sorry for keeping you up.”

“It’s okay,” Taeyang said, “and I’m sorry for snapping at you guys last night. I just had a raging headache, but that’s really no excuse.”

“Thanks for the apology. But I’m sorry if we made your headache worse,” Youngkyun said quietly. 

“No, you guys weren’t even that loud,” Taeyang said, “I was just miserable.”

“Well, I hope you start feeling better soon with your project almost being over,” Youngkyun said. His earlier annoyance at Taeyang had been completely replaced by sympathy for how much stress he was under. 

“Yeah, I hope so too,” Taeyang said, “but I haven’t even asked how your classes are going.”

“Oh, they’re fine,” Youngkyun said vaguely, “kinda hard but it’s what I signed up for.” He wasn’t about to start complaining about his classes now, especially when they weren’t nearly as bad. 

“You can complain if you want,” Taeyang said, “I just bitched to you for like half an hour.”

“No, it’s okay. All of my problems are my own fault anyway,” Youngkyun said, “and you need some sleep. I can complain another time.”

“Dude, I haven’t talked to another human in like 48 hours,” Taeyang said, “sleep can wait.”

Youngkyun sighed quietly. “I, um, might have to change my major,” he said, “but I have to figure out how to do that without getting put behind.”

“Wait, why?” Taeyang asked, sitting up and turning on the light, “did something happen?”

Youngkyun winced and blinked a couple times when the light suddenly got turned on. “I bit off more than I could chew,” he said simply, “I thought I could handle the workload but I was wrong. It’s okay though. I’ve been looking at other options and I’m gonna try to meet with my advisor next week when I have a plan.”

“Are your classes too hard?” Taeyang asked, “I’m sure Jaeyoon hyung has some tutoring friends that could help you.”

“Yes but no. The classes are hard but I’m just not smart enough for the major,” Youngkyun explained, “my guidance counselor in high school told me that the bio program would be too hard but I wanted to prove them wrong. Definitely not one of the better decisions I’ve made in my life.”

“Hey, no, you’re plenty smart,” Taeyang said, “I’m sure with a little help you’ll be right back on track.”

Youngkyun chuckled wryly. “You give me too much credit,” he said, “but studying with Bora so far has been helpful so I’m hoping that works but we’ll see. As long as I can figure out something that doesn’t put me back and that my mom won’t find out, I’ll be okay.”

“She’s that strict about school?” Taeyang asked sympathetically. “They can’t legally tell her your grades or any changes you make to your classes or your program, you know.”

“She’s that strict about everything,” Youngkyun grumbled, “I know. I just want to get it all figured out before I go home. Or she decides to visit.”

“Well, you’re always welcome to come hide in Gangnam if she gets mad,” Taeyang offered.

“Be careful, I might take you up on that offer,” Youngkyun said, only half joking, “all things considered though, she’s not that bad. And she’ll support whatever I choose to do as long as I don’t get set back and I pick a path that’s gonna land me a decent job.”

“That’s good,” Taeyang said, “I don’t even think my parents know what my major is.”

Youngkyun frowned. “I’m really sorry they’re so absent,” he said gently, “I wish we could fuse our parents together and get the right balance of support but also freedom.”

“What’s your dad like?” Taeyang asked. He had never heard Youngkyun mention his father at all and he hadn’t been at move-in either. 

Youngkyun stilled. “Oh, uh, I’m not really sure,” he said quietly, “he hasn’t been around since I was little and I haven’t tried to reach out to him.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Taeyang said. He sat up more comfortably so Youngkyun could have his undivided attention. “I hadn’t realized.”

“It’s fine,” Youngkyun assured, “it’s not a sore spot. For me at least. I’ve tried to ask my mom about him a couple times and it never really went well.”

“Must have been a pretty rough break up,” Taeyang said sadly. His parents were at least still together, but no one was really happy about it. 

Youngkyun shrugged. “Yeah I think so. I don’t really remember anything,” he said. He reached for a pillow and wrapped himself around it. He hadn’t even thought about his dad in so long and it usually hurt to do so but for some reason it was so easy to talk to Taeyang. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t move. “I’m sorry. I talked for way too long. You need to get some sleep.”

“It’s okay,” Taeyang said again, “you know I understand perfectly what it’s like, so you can always talk to me if you need to.”

Youngkyun relaxed. “Thanks, Taeyang. I really appreciate it,” he said sincerely, “that goes for you too.” After everything that had happened, he really didn’t deserve how good his roommate was to him.

Taeyang smiled brightly and reached over to turn the light off. “Night, Youngkyunnie,” he said. 

Youngkyun smiled to himself and whispered his own good night. When Saturday night finally rolled around, he found himself drunk and dancing with anyone he could at the club. He lost track of Dongyeol a long time ago but he wasn’t worried. And when a tall, fairly attractive guy invited him over, Youngkyun was far too gone to say no. He followed the guy out of the club, giggling the whole way, and somehow sending a text to Dongyeol that he was leaving. 

Inseong really wasn’t planning on bringing anyone home, but Youngkyun was cute and he lived alone. Unfortunately, the younger man didn’t seem to handle his alcohol as well and was out like a light before they had even really done anything. Inseong cleaned him up, covered him, and laid down to get some sleep. 

Youngkyun groaned quietly when he woke up. He tried to sit up but it was then that he realized he was trapped to the bed by a strong pair of arms. His eyes flew open and he quickly realized he was not in his own room. Where was he? And why did his head hurt so bad? He could have sworn he didn’t go overboard last night. 

Inseong woke when the body in his arms started to move. “You good? You gonna throw up?” he asked, voice gravelly. 

Youngkyun felt his heart drop when he heard a voice behind him. A guy. He went home with a guy. He nearly burst into tears on the spot. This couldn’t be happening. “Who are you?” he asked shakily, “where are we? Oh my God, what did we do?”

“Nothing,” Inseong said, “you barely got past foreplay before you passed out. You’re at my apartment; it’s like three blocks away from the bar.”

“I-I have to get home. I can’t stay here,” Youngkyun mumbled. He pushed himself up on shaky arms and pulled himself out of the man’s arms. When he finally managed to stand, he turned around and gasped quietly when he finally got a good look at the man’s face. He couldn’t deny that he was fairly attractive. He shook his head and looked around for his phone and wallet. What was wrong with him?

“Your stuff is on the kitchen table,” Inseong said, “I didn’t know how comfortable you would be with me dressing you so I...didn’t, but your clothes are in the bathroom.” The kid looked really distraught and he thought that it maybe wasn’t such a good idea to let him leave yet.

Youngkyun rushed into the bathroom to get dressed. He splashed some water on his face but it didn’t help. This was supposed to have been a fun night out to try and forget about school, how did it end up like this? When he had calmed down a little, he wandered through the apartment to find the kitchen. 

“Dude, are you actually gonna be okay to get home?” Inseong asked, following Youngkyun out to the kitchen once he had located his own sweatpants. “You’re pretty worked up; why don’t you just breathe for a second?”

Youngkyun jumped a mile when the man finally appeared in the doorway. “No, no, I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry but I really can’t stay,” he rambled. He put his wallet and his keys in his pocket and grabbed his phone. 

“Alright, just be careful,” Inseong said. Thinking quickly, he grabbed a Sharpie off the counter and scrawled his number on Youngkyun’s arm. “Call me if you ever need anything, cutie.”

Youngkyun stared at the number at his arm. How was he going to hide this now? With another mumbled apology, he blindly found his way outside and called an Uber to bring him back to the dorms. He texted Dongyeol back, assuring his friend that he was okay. He was so distracted that he didn’t realize he had reached his room until he pushed open the door. 

Taeyang was fretting. He had known Youngkyun was going out with Dongyeol, but to wake up to him not being home was nervewracking. He debated texting him, but he wasn’t sure if that was his place to do so. As soon as he had made up his mind to do it, the door opened. 

Youngkyun didn’t even notice that Taeyang was in the room. He had no idea what time it even was. The only thing on his mind was taking a long hot shower and trying to forget the face of the pretty man he went home with. 

“Oh thank god, I was so worried,” Taeyang said, “are you okay? Is everything alright?”

Youngkyun jumped and whipped around when Taeyang started talking. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m really sorry for worrying you,” he said quietly. He turned back around to grab his stuff for a shower. He hated that he was so on edge. 

“Were you at least somewhere safe last night?” Taeyang asked. 

“Yeah, I was safe,” Youngkyun said quietly. All things considered, he was really lucky. He could have ended up somewhere a lot worse and possibly even hurt. 

“Okay, good, that’s good,” Taeyang said. He didn’t even realize that he had grabbed Youngkyun’s arm until he let go and came away with ink on his hands. Looking down, he saw a phone number scrawled on his skin.  _ Oh.  _

Youngkyun followed Taeyang’s gaze and quickly hid his arm. “It’s not what you think,” he said weakly. But it pretty much was… He grabbed his stuff and rushed out of the room. He couldn’t afford to breakdown in front of Taeyang. He wasn’t even entirely sure why he was so worried what his roommate thought about the number anyway. 

Taeyang was left standing in the middle of the room when Youngkyun suddenly rushed off. So that’s where he was. Off fucking some girl, probably Bora, and couldn’t even bother to shoot his roommate a text to let him know that he was alive. 

The first thing Youngkyun did when he stepped under the spray was scrub at his arm. No matter how hard he scrubbed or how much soap he used, the sharpie simply wasn’t coming off. He scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin was bright red and screaming at him for a break. It was a lot more faded now but it wasn’t enough. He finally all but threw the soap to the side and tried to hold back a sob but it was fruitless. He didn’t know how long he cried for but he finally pulled himself together when the door opened. Once he finally felt clean, he dragged himself out of the shower and back to his room. 

Taeyang had set up shop on his bed, sketchbook and pencil kit on his lap as he tried to decide what to draw. He needed to start working on his piece for the end of semester exhibition. 

Youngkyun kept his head down so Taeyang wouldn’t see his bloodshot eyes. He put everything away and grabbed his laptop. “I’m going to Dongyeol’s. I don’t know when I’ll be back,” he said quietly. 

“Okay,” Taeyang said, looking up and catching sight of Youngkyun’s red nose and blotchy cheeks. “Let me know if you’re staying over so I don’t think you’re dead, alright?” It wasn’t his place to ask. 

“I will,” Youngkyun promised, “I’m really sorry again about last night.” He used his laptop to cover his arm and made his way across campus to his friend’s room. The minute the door was closed, Youngkyun was sobbing into Dongyeol’s shoulder. 

Chanhee was hanging out in the common room when someone knocked on the door. Dongyeol had gotten up to answer it and Chanhee watched him stumble back a few steps when Youngkyun was suddenly attached to him. It took him a few seconds to register that Youngkyun was crying. “Let’s get him in our room,” he said, springing up to shepherd the two. 

Youngkyun allowed himself to be all but carried into his friends’ room. “I don’t know what to do,” he choked out between sobs. He thought he had finally figured everything out. Why was everything crashing down on him again?

Chanhee and Dongyeol exchanged concerned glances. The younger of the two grabbed a box of tissues off his desk and offered them to Youngkyun. “What happened?” he asked gently. 

Youngkyun took a tissue out of the box and held out his arm with the faded ink on it. “I-I went home with...with a guy last night,” he choked out.

Chanhee couldn’t help but feel a little sad and disappointed. Youngkyun was so vehemently opposed to the idea that he was at all attracted to men, and it hurt a little bit. “Did you sleep with him?” he asked. 

“He said we didn’t but I don’t remember,” Youngkyun said miserably, “I only remember leaving the club with him and then waking up in bed with him.”

Chanhee sighed. “Are you upset because it was a guy or because you don’t remember and you feel violated?” he asked. 

Youngkyun sniffed. “I don’t think he was lying. He seemed really nice. And he’s not even that unattractive,” he paused, “I think I’m just really scared.” As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t deny it anymore. Not after how his semester had gone so far. 

“Are you finally going to admit that you’re not straight?” Chanhee asked, “because you can’t just blame this on Taeyang anymore.”

Youngkyun pulled his arm back and hid his face more. “What do I do?” he asked in a small voice, “every time I get drunk I always go after a guy. I can’t keep doing this. Why is it only when I’m drunk?”

“Because you’ve so heavily repressed it when you’re sober that it just pours out when you’re drunk,” Chanhee said, “I bet if you went on a date with a guy, you would be just as attracted to him as when you’re drunk.”

“But I was never like this in high school!” Youngkyun protested, “what changed when I finally got here?” 

“Hm, let me think, who were you around in high school that you’re not around now?” Chanhee said a little sarcastically.

Youngkyun pouted. “But I wasn’t like this with any of the girls. Even at the parties we went to,” he said. 

“I was talking about your homophobic ass mother,” Chanhee said, “it’s almost like not being under her roof has made you repress yourself less or something.”

Youngkyun flinched. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. Dongyeol sighed and rubbed his friend’s arm. “Your mom told you how to think and act for a long time. And now that you have freedom here, you’re starting to figure out that some of that’s not you. And it’s okay,” he said soothingly. 

Chanhee softened. “You would never hate me or Taeyang for being attracted to guys,” he said, “so why do you hate yourself so much?”

Youngkyun finally loosened his grip on Dongyeol. “Because…because it wasn’t supposed to be me too,” he said quietly, “and I’d rather ignore it and not risk my mom finding out but I can’t anymore and I’m scared of what will happen.”

“You don’t have to tell her,” Chanhee said, “my parents still don’t know. Not being out is perfectly acceptable and valid.”

Youngkyun looked up at Chanhee with big eyes. “You won’t say anything to her, right?” he asked nervously. 

“Of course not,” Chanhee said, “I would  _ never  _ do that to you, Kyun.”

Youngkyun looked up at Dongyeol. “This is none of her business. And I’ll never say anything to her either,” Dongyeol assured. “Thank you guys for being so great,” Youngkyun said quietly, “and I’m sorry I’ve been so...difficult. It’s just been a lot.”

“I’m sure it has,” Chanhee said, “but you should really still talk to Taeyang. At least mention that he can’t say anything to your mom.”

Youngkyun nodded. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him tonight when I go back,” he said. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“So you’re okay? You’re good?” Chanhee asked, “you’re tentatively bisexual and going to be quietly proud of it?”

Youngkyun mustered a small smile. “Yeah, I think I’m good. It’s gonna take a little while to be proud but I’ll get there,” he said. He stood up and hugged Chanhee tightly. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I was in your shoes a year ago, I know how hard it is,” Chanhee said, hugging Youngkyun back tightly. “And you know, none of this is permanent. If you realize later on that you actually don’t like girls at all, that’s perfectly normal.”

Youngkyun nodded. “You’re the best,” he whispered. “Hey, I thought I was the best,” Dongyeol piped up, pretending to be offended. “You’re both the best but Chanhee’s a little higher at the moment,” Youngkyun said with a chuckle. “Alright fine. I can let it go for now,” Dongyeol agreed. 

“You’re the token straight friend now, Dongyeolie,” Chanhee teased. 

Dongyeol chuckled. “I guess so. That’s alright though. Someone’s gotta take one for the team,” he joked. 

“C’mon, Youngkyun, let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll go find food, alright?” Chanhee said.

Youngkyun nodded and pulled away from Chanhee. “God, I must look like a wreck,” he said quietly, “and your poor roommates must be so sick of me.”

“Your hair’s okay, you’re just a little splotchy in the face,” Chanhee said, “but some cold water should take care of most of that.”

“Thanks, Chani,” Youngkyun said quietly. He walked down to his friends’ bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. Everything was gonna be okay. It had to be. 

Another week passed before Taeyang finally got the email he was dreading. It was the email to let him know whether or not he made it into the exhibition. “Oh my god,” he said to himself as he read it, “oh my god! I made it!”

Youngkyun glanced up and took his headphones off when he saw Taeyang’s bright smile. “Good news?” he prompted. There was only one thing he could think of that would make his roommate this happy. 

“I’m in the exhibition!” Taeyang said excitedly, “holy shit, I can’t believe this.”

Youngkyun smiled widely. “That’s awesome! I knew you would make it,” he said happily, “alright, this calls for a celebration. No more homework for you today. Give me ten minutes to finish up my notes and then we’re cracking open some beers.”

Taeyang didn’t protest; he just beamed widely. The lingering anxious thought was that he had two days to figure out an outfit and some business cards before the event, but he ignored it for now. 

Youngkyun finished up his notes as quickly as he could. When he was done, he shut his computer off and went into his fridge. He opened two beers and handed one to Taeyang. “Cheers to making it into the exhibition,” he said, holding out his own bottle. 

Taeyang held out his bottle and tapped it against Youngkyun’s. “I still can’t believe it,” he said, “I didn’t even think the painting was all that good.”

“Well it has to be amazing if it made it in,” Youngkyun said knowingly. He glanced at Taeyang’s bed before deciding against it and sitting at his roommate’s desk instead. 

“Oh, I doubt that,” Taeyang said, “you know there’s always one piece that gets in by pity.”

“If you insult your art one more time, I’m gonna pour the rest of this beer on you,” Youngkyun threatened. He took another sip anyway.

“You’ve never seen it,” Taeyang said, “maybe I’m being honest.”

Youngkyun raised his hands in surrender. “Fine. How about you take me to the exhibition then and I can judge your painting for myself?” he suggested. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t ask you to do that,” Taeyang said hurriedly, “that’s such a waste of your time.”

“No, I want to go. I haven’t really seen any of your art yet,” Youngkyun said, “plus I need an unbiased source to judge your painting.”

Taeyang huffed but didn’t protest again. “You can’t go if I don’t tell you when it is,” he mumbled petulantly. 

“I’ll just ask Dongyeol to take me then,” Youngkyun said easily, “he has to go for one of his classes anyway.” He smirked and took another sip of his beer.

“Oh, fuck you,” Taeyang whined, “why can’t you let me be in peace?”

Youngkyun nearly choked on his drink trying to hold back a laugh. “Come on, why are you so against me supporting you? You’re making it very hard to be a good roommate,” he said. He finished his beer and pushed himself across the room to grab another. 

“It makes me so nervous,” Taeyang said, “I don’t care what the people I don’t know think, but you’re my roommate!”

“You really think that much of my opinion? There’s no way I’m not gonna like your painting,” Youngkyun said, “but if you really don’t want me to go, I won’t.” He opened his second beer and took a sip. He had to admit it was kinda cute how flustered Taeyang was. 

“I don’t want you to think it’s weird or bad,” Taeyang explained, “I can’t stop you from coming but I’ll be anxious the entire time.”

“I won’t think that. I promise,” Youngkyun assured, “but enough about this ‘cause I know it’s caused you enough stress. You’re supposed to be relaxing.”

Taeyang huffed but nodded. “I’m just so glad I finally know,” he said, “I’ve been having palpitations all week.”

Youngkyun pouted. “You don’t have to do anything else this stressful for the rest of the semester, right?” he asked hopefully. 

“No,” Taeyang said, “but I’m sure I’ll be just as stressed for the end of semester exhibition too.”

“Well if you can get into this one, I’m sure you can get into the next one,” Youngkyun said. He noticed Taeyang’s beer was almost empty so he got up to get his roommate a new one. “How’s everything with Jaeyoon?” he asked. As he said it, he felt his stomach twist. 

“What do you mean?” Taeyang asked, “he's just my tutor. He made that very clear.”

“Oh, I just saw you guys cuddling the other night watching a move so I figured you were talking,” Youngkyun said casually. He opened another beer and brought it over to Taeyang.

“He’s pretty affectionate but we’re just friends,” Taeyang said, “he’s the guy that rejected me a couple weeks ago.”

“Oh, I see,” Youngkyun said, taking his seat again, “I’m sorry about that but I’m glad you’re still friends.” He didn’t even notice how much he relaxed.

“Yeah, he’s a great guy,” Taeyang said, “he just sees me as a kid still I guess.”

Youngkyun’s nose scrunched up. “That’s stupid,” he mumbled, taking another sip, “is he a senior?”

“Yeah,” Taeyang said, “and he’s graduating a semester early, so I guess it’s for the best.”

“That’ll do it,” Youngkyun said, “you’ll find your person. There’s so many people at this school, I’m sure of it.”

Taeyang hummed. He already had, but Youngkyun didn’t need to know that. 

Youngkyun took another sip of his beer and nearly choked on it when he remembered what he wanted to ask. “Dongyeol hasn’t been bothering you at all right? I’m not even sure what classes you have together but I know he can be a pain in the ass sometimes,” he said. 

“No, he’s totally fine,” Taeyang said. “He really just keeps to himself in class.”

Youngkyun sighed in relief. He downed his second beer and went to grab a third. When he turned around his breath caught in his throat when his eyes landing on Taeyang. “You have really pretty eyes,” he said before he could stop himself. He slowly walked towards the bed. 

Taeyang looked up, blinking at Youngkyun slowly. “Yeah?” he asked, “you have really pretty hair.”

Youngkyun giggled shyly and turned his head down, unintentionally letting his hair fall into his face. He forgoed sitting at the desk again so he could sit next to Taeyang on the bed. After a moment he finally braved looking up again. He never really got a good look at his roommate until now. Taeyang was, to put it simply, absolutely stunning. Finally his eyes landed on Taeyang’s lips. Boy would he do anything to kiss them again. 

Taeyang could feel Youngkyun studying him. “You good, man?” he asked. 

Youngkyun blinked and turned his head down again. “Sorry, I’ve just never realized how pretty you are,” he said honestly. 

“Thank you?” Taeyang said, a little confused. “I think you’ve had enough.”

Youngkyun held his bottle out of Taeyang’s reach. “I’m not even drunk! I’m barely tipsy!” he defended, “if you want this bottle, you’re gonna have to do more than that to get it.”

“Oh, I’m not gonna cut you off, but you’re definitely more than tipsy there, buster,” Taeyang said. 

“I’m not, I swear! I’ve only had two beers and barely a couple sips of this one,” Youngkyun said, “I’ll even prove it to you!” He paused. He wasn’t really sure what he could do but his mind eventually made a decision. He leaned over and, not as gently as he had originally intended, pressed his lips against Taeyang’s. 

Taeyang froze when Youngkyun kissed him. If there was anything that was going to prove to him that Youngkyun was drunk, this was it. Eventually, he came back to himself and pushed the younger boy off. 

Youngkyun stared wide-eyed at Taeyang when he was shoved away. His hand came up to brush against his lips. Taeyang’s were so soft and he wanted nothing more than to kiss them for the rest of the night. “I-I promise I’m not drunk,” he said, “I promise I’m not gonna run away and I promise that wasn’t a mistake.”

“No, you’re so drunk, Youngkyun,” Taeyang said, setting his beer down and getting up. “I’m gonna go take a walk, you sober up, and - and we’ll never mention it again, alright? I’m not some straight boy’s pity fuck.”

Youngkyun reached out and grabbed Taeyang’s arm. “I’m not straight,” he whispered, “and I’m not drunk. I don’t want to keep running away and I especially don’t want a pity fuck.”

“Every time we’ve done this, you’ve acted like it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you,” Taeyang said, “I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“And I don’t want to hurt you again,” Youngkyun said sincerely, “I was lying to myself, thinking everything would be fine, and I was wrong. Now I’m done lying. I’m done hiding. And I want to prove to you that you’re more to me than a drunken mistake.”

Taeyang paused for a minute. “You’re really serious?” he asked, “because I swear to god, if this is a trick, I will never forgive you.”

Youngkyun put his beer down and gently pulled Taeyang towards him. “This isn’t a trick. This is tipsy me finally having the courage to own up to my feelings and not try to hide from them,” he said, “do you trust me?”

“You asked me that last time and I heavily regretted saying yes,” Taeyang said softly, “don’t make me regret it again.”

“I won’t,” Youngkyun assured. He pulled Taeyang close enough so that he could kiss his roommate again, much gentler this time.

Taeyang let himself relax into the kiss this time. He really hoped Youngkyun was telling the truth.

Youngkyun pulled Taeyang down to lay with him. He was nervous. Now that everything wasn’t rushed or drunkenly uncoordinated, he was worried about disappointing Taeyang. That aside, he knew he had to prove to his roommate that he wasn’t hiding anymore. And that he did. When the following morning rolled around and he woke up with Taeyang in his arms, he was more than content to stay there and the thought of trying to sneak back to his bed wasn’t even on his mind. 

The arms around Taeyang’s middle when he woke up was a good sign. An even better sign was the warm smile on Youngkyun’s face when Taeyang did finally open his eyes. “It was real,” the older boy breathed out. 

Youngkyun nodded. “You’ve been so kind and forgiving of me. I knew I had to prove to you that this wasn’t a mistake,” he said quietly, “I’ll stay here as long as you want but say the word when you want me to go back to my own bed.” He didn’t want to leave yet, but he was going to respect what Taeyang wanted. 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Taeyang said, closing his eyes again. Youngkyun was really warm and comfortable. 

Youngkyun smiled fondly. “I won’t,” he whispered. He tilted his head so that he could kiss Taeyang’s temple. 

Taeyang didn’t want to push it by asking what this made them. He knew Youngkyun was just barely okay with liking guys at all. Instead, he took advantage of the comfort. 

Youngkyun was glad that Taeyang was getting some more rest. He glanced down at his roommate. It was so surreal to finally have the boy he had been dancing around for the whole semester, wrapped up in his arms. He had come into college so strongly convinced he only liked girls and now here he was, finally realizing that wasn’t true. It was going to take some more adjusting to shake what his mom had drilled into his head but he was already happier than he’d been in years.

“So what made you finally accept that you’re not straight?” Taeyang asked quietly. 

Youngkyun sighed quietly. “The other night. When I came home in the morning with the number on my arm? I ended up going home with a guy. I don’t really remember anything other than waking up with him,” he said, “I freaked out but Chanhee helped me realize that it’s more than just me being drunk.”

“Well, I’m glad that you’re starting to accept yourself,” Taeyang said. 

“Thanks,” Youngkyun said quietly. His small smile slipped off his face. “I, uh, know you wouldn’t do this but can you not say anything to my mom? She hopefully won’t be around until the end of the semester but I don’t want her to know yet.” He chewed on his lip nervously. 

“I don’t know when I’ll ever see her, but I definitely won’t say anything,” Taeyang said, “that would be outing myself too.”

Youngkyun relaxed considerably. “Thank you so much,” he said, “and I won’t say anything either. That wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“Thank you,” Taeyang said quietly. Slowly, he sat up and stretched with a groan. 

Youngkyun regretfully let go of Taeyang. He really just wanted to spend the whole day cuddling in bed but he didn’t want to overstep.

“I’m meeting Youngbin hyung at noon for lunch if you want to come along,” Taeyang said. 

Youngkyun froze. “Oh, uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. He wasn’t that fond of me when we met,” he said sheepishly. 

“And now that I don’t hate you, you two should meet on better terms,” Taeyang said, “he’s my best friend.”

“If you’re sure,” Youngkyun said slowly, “I’m gonna need a shower first though.” He had to admit he was actually really nervous to meet Youngbin. 

“Oh god, so am I,” Taeyang said, “and some fuckin’ Icy Hot. I think you broke my spine.”

Youngkyun’s eyes widened and he sat bolt upright. “I hurt you? I-I’m sorry,” he said nervously, “I don't know if this is the best day to meet your friend for real.”

“You shoved your dick up my ass, of course it hurt,” Taeyang said, rolling his eyes, “it’s never going to not hurt. Chill out.”

Youngkyun pouted. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he mumbled quietly. 

“It’s cute that you’re concerned,” Taeyang said, patting Youngkyun’s cheek before slowly getting out of bed. “Naive, but cute.”

Youngkyun just pouted. “I’m not na-“ he paused. He definitely couldn’t argue this point yet. 

“Not naive,” Taeyang acquiesced, “just inexperienced.”

Youngkyun sighed quietly. “Yeah,” he mumbled. He finally dragged himself out of bed and stretched. He threw on a pair of shorts and grabbed his stuff to take a shower. 

“Hey, it’s not a bad thing,” Taeyang said, “I’m not exactly very experienced myself.”

“Really?” Youngkyun asked quietly, “that actually makes me feel a little bit better.” It was nice to know that he was in a similar boat as Taeyang. 

“Oh yeah, I only slept with one other guy before you,” Taeyang said, “I just accepted my sexuality much earlier.”

Youngkyun felt a small pang of guilt. “I wish I could have done that,” he said quietly, “I would never have hurt you.”

“I mean, I’ve never liked girls, so it was much easier for me,” Taeyang said, “not even when I was a little kid. I’m a baby queer from way back.”

Youngkyun cracked a small smile. “You’re still a baby,” he chided lightly. 

“I am not!” Taeyang said, slightly affronted, “I’m less of a baby than you!”

Youngkyun chuckled. “You absolutely are not. You’re still a baby and I bet your friend would agree,” he said. 

“Please. I couldn’t get you to touch bottoming with a ten foot pole,” Taeyang said, “and of course he would, but only because he’s old as dirt. Can we please go shower now before we’re late?”

“That doesn’t make me a baby,” Youngkyun said with a pout. “And if I wasn’t scared of your friend, I’d tell him you said that.” He grabbed his caddy and held the door open for Taeyang. 

“You can, he knows,” Taeyang said, heading down the hallway toward the bathrooms. “I tell him all the time.”

Youngkyun just rolled his eyes. Not long after they were both showered and on their way to meet Youngbin. Youngkyun grew more and more nervous the closer they got and he braced himself for Youngbin’s reaction. 

Youngbin had been a little wary when Taeyang told him that Youngkyun was coming to brunch, but he assumed that things were better between them now. At least they hadn’t slept together again or anything. 

Youngkyun all but hid himself behind Taeyang when he saw Youngbin. He was starting to regret agreeing to come but he kept reminding himself this was for his roommate. 

“Taeyangie!” Youngbin called out when he spotted them, waving them over. Once the pair were sat down, he immediately started fussing. “I haven’t seen you in forever,” he said. 

Youngkyun folded his hands in his lap and kept his eyes down. He felt like he was interrupting so he just stayed quiet. Maybe Youngbin would forget all about him. 

“Get off,” Taeyang whined, “Youngkyunnie, make him leave me alone.” He still hadn’t told Youngbin about the exhibition.

Youngkyun glanced up. His eyes darted between Youngbin and Taeyang nervously. What was he supposed to say? “Uh, um…,” he chewed on his lip.

“I see you two have patched things up,” Youngbin said conversationally, “that’s good.”

Youngkyun was surprised that Youngbin wasn’t drilling into him. Hopefully it stayed that way. “I’m really grateful for how understanding Taeyang is,” he said. 

“Oh, shut up,” Taeyang mumbled, “you sound like you’re talking to the president. Youngbin’s so not intimidating.”

Youngkyun wasn’t about to admit he was terrified of Youngbin. Not here at least. He dropped his eyes back to the table and reached for his drink. “You should tell him about your art,” he said quietly. 

“What about it?” Taeyang said innocently. Youngbin was the one who had convinced him to develop and pursue his art, and therefore the one he was most nervous to show it to.

“The good news you got about your painting last night,” Youngkyun said, “come on, it’s not my news to share.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” Taeyang said, looking away, “I don’t even paint.” Youngbin rolled his eyes. 

Youngkyun huffed. “Taeyang’s painting got into the art exhibition. I’m sure he’s already told you all about that,” he said. 

“I actually haven’t heard anything about that,  _ Taeyang _ ,” Youngbin said pointedly, “I didn’t even know you had entered anything.”

Youngkyun waited a moment and continued when Taeyang didn’t say anything. “It was required for a class,” he explained, “and it’s really hard to get art accepted into it.”

“What is the point of you being here doing this if you never tell anyone when you’re actually showing something off?” Youngbin questioned Taeyang, “you’re good, Taeyangie, I don’t know how you think you’re not.” “Am I good or am I rich?” Taeyang mumbled, hiding behind his hot chocolate.

“The pieces in the exhibition are picked anonymously,” Youngkyun said, “you’re really that good. I’m sure Youngbin-ssi knows that even better than I do.”

Youngbin sighed heavily. Taeyang had always had this insecurity about his art; that the only reason he was at all successful was because he had money and people were scared of upsetting his parents. Not that they ever would, but the public seemed to think that they actually cared about him. 

Youngkyun glanced between Youngbin and Taeyang. Oh, he should have never opened his mouth. He reached for his glass of water and almost knocked it over in the process. 

“It’s tomorrow night,” Taeyang finally mumbled petulantly, “and I don’t want either of you there, really.”

“I won’t go,” Youngkyun promised. If Taeyang really didn’t want him there, he wouldn’t push it.

“Yes you will,” Youngbin said calmly, “because Taeyangie’s art is incredible and I’ll be pissed if you don’t.”

Youngkyun looked up at Youngbin with big eyes. Well that settled that. “Oh okay,” he mumbled. He snuck a glance at Taeyang. 

Taeyang pouted. There really was no getting out of this. Why did his friends have to be so damn supportive?

“You won’t even know I’m there,” Youngkyun said. Hopefully that would make both Taeyang and Youngbin happy.

Taeyang pouted. “I don’t even know why you guys wanna go,” he said, “I’m probably gonna get shoved in a corner anyway.”

“We want to go ‘cause we want to see your painting,” Youngkyun said, “we’re just being supportive friends.”

Taeyang huffed. “Stupid,” he mumbled.

It was Youngkyun’s turn to pout. “You won’t feel like this tomorrow,” he said. 

“I’ll be even more nervous tomorrow,” Taeyang said, “it’s going to be awful.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Youngkyun assured. Without thinking he reached over and laid a hand on Taeyang’s thigh. “And if anyone tries to say anything bad, they’ll have to go through me.”

Taeyang flinched, but tried to play it off as a twitch by smiling. What was Youngkyun doing?

Youngkyun caught Taeyang’s expression and it took him a moment to realize what was wrong. He pulled his hand back and buried it in his lap. Keeping his eyes down, he reached for his drink again.

Youngbin eyed the two of them suspiciously before catching sight of a faint mark just under Taeyang’s collarbone. “You two fucked again, didn’t you?”

Youngkyun’s hand tightened around his glass. Here it was. The part where Youngbin ripped him apart and forbade him from ever talking to Taeyang again. “Yeah,” he mumbled. 

Taeyang nearly choked on his drink, flushing deeply. “What happened to you being straight?” Youngbin questioned Youngkyun. 

Youngkyun sighed quietly and looked up at Youngbin. “I’m not,” he said, “it just took me a little while and some of my friends to help me figure it out.”

“And you had to fuck with Taeyang in the process?” Youngbin said. “Cut it out,” Taeyang cut in.

“I-I didn’t mean to,” Youngkyun said sincerely, “and I already apologized for everything I did.”

“I’ve forgiven him,” Taeyang said before Youngbin could open his mouth, “and that’s what matters, right?”

Youngkyun heaved a sigh of relief. “It’s been a little rocky trying to figure everything out,” he said quietly, “but I promise I won’t hurt him again.”

“You’d better not,” Youngbin said simply. He knew Youngkyun could hear the threat. 

Youngkyun nodded immediately. He didn’t know how Taeyang didn’t think Youngbin was scary. He was terrified of the older man. 

“Oh my god, cut it out,” Taeyang said, swatting at Youngbin’s elbow, “you’re an adult, please act like it.”

Youngkyun glanced between Youngbin and Taeyang. He wondered how they became friends but he was definitely going to wait to ask that later. 

“Don’t yell at me, I birthed you,” Youngbin said, making Taeyang grimace. “Whatever you say, dad,” he said. 

Youngkyun smiled softly to himself. He was glad Taeyang had someone like Youngbin in his life. The older man was obviously a really good support system. 

Taeyang was glad when their food finally showed up and Youngbin could stop threatening his poor roommate. The rest of brunch went well, as did the rest of the day. In fact, everything was fine until about an hour before the exhibition on Sunday when Taeyang got a phone call. “Hello?” he answered the unsaved number. “Taeyangie, It’s Mother. Where are you?”

Youngkyun pulled out his own phone to respond to a message. He tried not to eavesdrop but it was hard not to. 

“I’m at school,” Taeyang answered calmly, setting the phone on speaker on his desk so he could finish tying his tie. “But it’s a Sunday,” his mother said, like that meant he should have been home, “why is your room empty?” “I live at school,” Taeyang said, “I told you I was going to be dorming. It’s too long of a commute from the apartment.” “But your school is right down the street,” his mother said, confused. “My high school was,” Taeyang said, “Mother, I’m in college.”

Youngkyun froze, fingers hovering over his own phone. He was surprised to hear that it was Taeyang’s mother who called. Snapping himself out of it, he started fumbling for his headphones. 

“That’s impossible,” Taeyang’s mother said, “I would have had your graduation in my calendar last summer if that was the case.” “You did,” Taeyang said, “along with six reminder emails in every inbox you have. Don’t pretend you didn’t know. I’m not an idiot.” “Do not speak to me like that, Yoo Taeyang,” his mother said, “I want you home as soon as possible.” She hung up.

Youngkyun paused. He looked over at Taeyang, but his roommate’s expression was hard to read. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly. 

Taeyang took a deep breath. “I’m fine,” he said firmly, “she’s just a bitch. I’m used to it.”

Youngkyun frowned. “I’m really sorry she’s like that,” he said. He couldn’t believe Taeyang’s mother really didn’t even know he was in college. 

Taeyang just shrugged. “I have to get down to the exhibition early so I’m leaving now,” he said, “I’ll see you later.”

“Do you want me to come with you? A little moral support,” Youngkyun offered. He sat up but didn’t get off his bed yet. 

“I mean, you can come through later if you want, but you’d just be bored now,” Taeyang said. “I’m leaving my phone here. If she calls again, don’t answer it.”

“I won’t,” Youngkyun promised, “be careful and I’ll see you later.” He leaned back in bed and picked his phone up again. 

Taeyang headed off to the building where the exhibition was. He couldn’t afford any distractions tonight. 

Youngkyun waited for a little while before getting up to get ready. He jumped a mile when Taeyang’s phone rang but didn’t move to answer it. He dressed nicely and headed off to the exhibition hall to meet Dongyeol. 

Taeyang’s painting had apparently been middle of the pack, as it had been stuffed in a quieter wing of the exhibit, not hidden but not displayed either. Fortunately, there were benches in that hall, so he could sit when no one was there. 

Youngkyun walked around with Dongyeol, listening to his friend explain some different pieces and jot down notes. When he saw Taeyang sitting on a bench, he snuck away from Dongyeol and went to sit next to his roommate. “How’s it going so far?” he asked. 

“It’s quiet,” Taeyang said, “there haven’t been many people over this way, which is fine by me.”

Youngkyun hummed. “Dongyeol has to write a paper for one of his classes and I told him he had to talk about your painting,” he said. 

“God, no, he shouldn’t,” Taeyang said, “it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Too late,” Youngkyun said, “he was really excited when I told him you made it into the exhibition.” As he said it, Dongyeol bounded over to the pair. “Congrats on making it in, Taeyang,” he said. 

“Thanks, Dongyeol,” Taeyang said with a smile, “don’t use it for your paper though. There’s literally no meaning to my painting.”

“Youngkyunnie will kill me if I don’t,” Dongyeol said, earning himself a punch in the arm. “Will you at least show it to us?”

“Yeah, it’s the blue one,” Taeyang said, gesturing behind him, “the product of three nights of no sleep.”

Dongyeol walked over to the painting and studied it for a moment before jotting some more notes down. “It’s really good,” Youngkyun whispered, glancing at the painting, “and I’m not just saying that to be supportive. I’ve gotten my fair share of lectures on how to tell if art is good or not from Yeolie.”

“It’s really not,” Taeyang said, “I definitely have stuff that’s better. I don’t like the color mixing at all.”

“Well now you know what you can change for the next exhibition,” Youngkyun said gently, “for three nights, it's really a solid piece of art. You’re really talented, Taeyang.”

“It’s delirious and so are you,” Taeyang said with a sigh. He checked his watch. One more hour until the event was over.

“I am not delirious,” Youngkyun said firmly, “I’m gonna teach you how to accept compliments if it kills me.”

“I can accept compliments, just not if they’re not true,” Taeyang said, “I don’t like to be lied to.”

Youngkyun was about to say he would never lie to Taeyang but he caught himself. “I just wanted to give credit where credit is due,” he said quietly. 

“Well, it’s not due here,” Taeyang said, “compliment me when I make something I’m actually proud of.”

“Okay, fine,” Youngkyun relented. He definitely didn’t want to make Taeyang upset today.

“Did my mother try calling again?” Taeyang asked. 

Youngkyun sighed. “Your phone rang again but I didn’t look to see who it was,” he said, “I’m really sorry about her.”

“Why?” Taeyang asked with a snort, “it’s not like it’s your fault she’s like that. She’s just a bad mom.”

“I know but I still feel bad,” Youngkyun said quietly, “everyone deserves parents that care about them.”

“Yeah, well, not everyone, apparently,” Taeyang said. If he was being honest, living without his parents was much better than living with them had been.

Youngkyun frowned. “Youngbin’s really good for you,” he said quietly, “he cares about you a lot and he’s definitely got the scary dad thing down pat.”

“I love him, but he’s not much better,” Taeyang said, “look around. Where is he?”

“Well, he said he was coming right? I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” Youngkyun said, trying to stay positive. 

“He doesn’t leave his apartment past eight thirty,” Taeyang said, “and it’s already nine. He’s not coming.”

Youngkyun pouted. “Well I guess I’m allowed to be pissed at him for not coming since that’s how he felt when I said I would stay home,” he said, crossing his arms. 

“He doesn’t do it on purpose,” Taeyang said, “he’s either so busy he forgot or he fell asleep in the middle of grading again. I’m not mad.”

“I am,” Youngkyun grumbled, “he promised he would come support you and he didn’t.”

Taeyang just shrugged. Shit happened, he knew that. He knew Youngbin still loved him and supported him anyway. His actual parents, he wasn’t sure. 

Youngkyun’s expression softened. He uncrossed his arms and reached over to rub Taeyang’s shoulder. 

Taeyang glanced at his watch again. As much as he wanted to stay to the end of the event, he was only required to stay until nine. “Let’s go home,” he said quietly. 

Youngkyun nodded. He stood up and looked around for Dongyeol but his friend was long gone. He turned his attention back to his roommate and walked silently next to him all the way back to their dorm. 

Taeyang got ready for bed quietly. He didn’t really want to talk about what had happened that evening. He resolutely ignored his phone buzzing on the desk. 

Youngkyun returned from his shower and frowned when he saw how upset Taeyang looked. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked. 

Taeyang shook his head. “I’m just gonna sleep it off,” he said, climbing into bed. 

Youngkyun pouted. “Alright,” he said. He reached over and silenced Taeyang’s phone for you. “Do you wa-,” he stopped himself. He didn’t want to overstep and make Taeyang even more upset. 

Taeyang settled himself in the middle of his mound of pillows, back facing the room. He just wanted to go to sleep. Now that he was down and unable to distract himself, he bit back a sob. What had he done to deserve so little care?

Youngkyun laid in bed and started dozing off. He wished he could do more to help Taeyang but nothing short of getting his parents to be more attentive was going to cut it. 

Once Taeyang thought Youngkyun was asleep, he let go and let himself actually cry. He hadn’t cried about his parents in a long time, because it served no purpose other than to make him angry at himself. He clearly didn’t need them, so why did it make him so upset?

Youngkyun’s eyes flew open when he heard Taeyang start to cry. His chest tightened. Taeyang sounded so distraught. What could he do? His roommate probably didn’t even realize he was awake. He decided to wait a few minutes before saying anything. 

Taeyang wiped at his eyes angrily. Crying was stupid, and crying over  _ them  _ was even more stupid. 

Eventually Youngkyun couldn’t take lying there anymore. “Taeyang? I’m really sorry about everything that’s going on right now. Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked quietly. 

Taeyang sniffled. He very desperately wanted Youngkyun to hold him, but he knew that was overstepping. The weekend had been going so well until his mother decided to show up again. 

Youngkyun sat up when his roommate didn’t answer. “Taeyang? You gotta talk to me so I know what to do,” he said quietly, “can I come over there?”

Taeyang hesitated before nodding. “Yeah,” he said quietly, voice thick.

Youngkyun stood up and walked across the room. He gently sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to rub Taeyang’s shoulders. “I’m really sorry today didn’t go that well,” he said sincerely. 

“It went fine,” Taeyang stressed, “I’m just being a little bitch.”

“No, don’t say that,” Youngkyun said gently, “it’s okay to be upset. And it’s okay to cry.”

“It’s been years,” Taeyang said, “I shouldn’t still be crying over their bullshit.”

“They’re your parents though. You’re always gonna care about them and what they think no matter how long it’s been,” Youngkyun said gently. 

“It’s been over a year since I’ve heard from or seen either of them,” Taeyang said, “they didn’t come to my graduation, they haven’t acknowledged my birthday since I was eleven, I have to  _ email  _ their fucking  _ PAs _ to have any sort of conversation with them. I don’t  _ care  _ about them.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Youngkyun said quickly, “it’s okay to be upset about how they treat you. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve this.”

“There’s no reason for them to treat me in any special way,” Taeyang said tonelessly, “blood means nothing.”

Youngkyun didn’t know what to do. Taeyang was practically inconsolable. “You still deserve love and respect from your parents,” he said quietly. 

“Why?” Taeyang asked, “what have I done to deserve any of that? Nothing remarkable.”

“You’re their son,” Youngkyun said, “that’s all that you had to do to deserve attention from your parents.”

“I got it when I needed it,” Taeyang said, “clearly, or I wouldn’t be here. They don’t owe me anything else.”

Youngkyun sighed. There was nothing he was going to say that would help so he dropped it. “Let yourself cry. You’ll feel better,” he said simply. He pulled his hand back and let it fall into his lap. 

“I’ll feel angry,” Taeyang said, “they don’t deserve my tears.”

Youngkyun was at a complete loss. “I don’t know what to do to help you,” he admitted. 

Taeyang huffed. “I’m sorry,” he said after a moment, “I know I’m being difficult. I just...it’s easier to pretend like it’s normal than to acknowledge that it’s not. My parents don’t love me.” His voice broke then. “Why don’t they love me?”

Youngkyun felt his chest tighten. He shifted on the bed and reached over to lay a hand on Taeyang’s shoulder again. “I don’t know but the important people in your life do and that’s what matters.”

“Youngbin isn’t them, though,” Taeyang said, wiping at his face again, “it’s not the same.”

Youngkyun stood up from the bed to get some tissues and handed them to Taeyang. He sat back down but was sure to give his roommate plenty of space. 

Taeyang sat up so he could blow his nose, then slumped there pathetically. God, he felt so embarrassed. 

Youngkyun grabbed some water for Taeyang and opened the bottle for his roommate. “Do you want to try and get some rest now?” he asked quietly. 

“Yeah,” Taeyang said. He felt even more worn out now. It was like all the fight had gone out of him. 

Youngkyun set the water bottle down and helped Taeyang lay down. “Do you...do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?” he asked carefully. 

“Would you?” Taeyang asked in a small voice. He could really use the comfort right now.

“Yeah, of course,” Youngkyun said. He waited until Taeyang was comfortable to sit back down. Hopefully Taeyang would feel better in the morning. 

Taeyang hesitated. “Could you lay down?” he asked tentatively. 

Youngkyun paused. “Sure,” he agreed after a moment. He laid down next to Taeyang and did his best not to overcrowd his roommate, although it was proving difficult in the small dorm bed. 

Taeyang leaned back just until he could feel Youngkyun behind him. With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes. 

Youngkyun relaxed when he finally heard Taeyang’s breathing even out. He thought about going back to his own bed but he didn’t want to risk waking Taeyang up. Hopefully his roommate wouldn’t mind if he stayed. 

Taeyang was surprised to feel Youngkyun curled up around him when he woke in the morning. A glance at the clock told him he had already missed his first and only class for the day, but it was warranted after his breakdown the night before. “Youngkyun,” he hissed, “you’re gonna be late.”

Youngkyun whined and blinked his eyes open when he heard his name. It took him a moment to register the rest of Taeyang’s sentence but when he did, he shot up. “Late?” He glanced at the clock and realized he only had fifteen minutes to get to class. He leapt out of bed to throw some clean clothes on and grab his backpack. Just as he was about to leave, he stopped and turned around. “Are you okay?” he asked, “I don’t want to leave you alone if you’re not.”

“I’ll be fine,” Taeyang said through a yawn, “I’m gonna sleep some more then decide if I want to call her or not.”

“Okay. Wait until I get back to call her if you decide to,” Youngkyun said. With that, he hurried off to class and made it just in time. 

Taeyang slumped back down in bed and almost immediately fell back asleep. He was exhausted. 

Youngkyun barely paid attention in class. He was actually a lot more worried about Taeyang than he thought he’d be. After class he rushed back to the room and was careful not to barge in too loudly. 

Taeyang had just gotten back from showering when the door opened. He yelped, hurrying to cover his dick before Youngkyun barged in.

“Sorry,” Youngkyun said sheepishly when he saw Taeyang in just a towel. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah,” Taeyang said as he grabbed his boxers and quickly pulled them on. “I’m so sorry for last night.”

“Don’t apologize. I get it. Everyone has their off days and yesterday was a lot,” Youngkyun said, “I’m sorry I stayed. I just didn’t want to wake you up again.”

“I asked you to,” Taeyang said, shaking his head, “sorry if I overstepped.”

“You didn’t,” Youngkyun assured, “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.” He set his backpack on the bed and opened it to get his laptop. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

“Thanks,” Taeyang said quietly, “I have to call her back. She’s called twice already.”

Youngkyun nodded. He pulled his laptop and headphones out and climbed onto his bed to get some work done. 

Taeyang sighed heavily before dialing his mother’s number. “Where the hell are you?” she answered, making Taeyang flinch. “I had an event last night and class today,” he said, “I’m not coming home, Mother.”

Youngkyun plugged in his headphones but didn’t turn any music on yet. He wanted to make sure that everything was okay first. 

“Of course you are,” Taeyang’s mother said, like it was obvious. “No, I’m not,” Taeyang said firmly, “I’m done with you and Father throwing me around. If you want to see me, you can come see me, but I’m done making sacrifices for you.”

Youngkyun was proud of Taeyang for standing up for himself. That was hard enough as it was, let alone when it was against your parents. 

“I will not tolerate this disrespect,” Taeyang’s mother screeched, making him pull the phone away from his ear with a grimace. “Well, you haven’t done anything to deserve my respect either,” he said, “until you decide to act like a mother, I’m not treating you as one. Goodbye, Jeongyeon.”

Youngkyun pulled his headphones out of his ears when Taeyang hung up. “You okay?” he asked hesitantly. 

“Yeah,” Taeyang said heavily, “I’ve been wanting to say that to her for a long time.”

“I’m glad you were able to,” Youngkyun said supportively, “is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not really,” Taeyang said, “we’ll see if she actually tries to show up or not.”

Youngkyun nodded. “Well I’m here if you need anything, especially if she decides to come,” he said. He put his headphones back in and finally turned his music on. 

Taeyang knew he should do his homework, but he really didn’t want to. Instead, he slumped into his pillows and secretly watched Youngkyun. 

Youngkyun wasn’t even paying attention to what songs were playing. He hunkered down and powered through a study guide for his upcoming lab exam. Bora had suggested turning his notes into a study guide so he was trying it out in hopes it helped him study better. When he was finally done, who knows how long later, he leaned back to take a break. He glanced over at Taeyang to make sure he was okay.

Taeyang had actually dozed off to the steady sound of Youngkyun typing. As annoying as the clacking could be sometimes, it made very good white noise. 

Youngkyun smiled softly when he saw that Taeyang was asleep. He was glad his roommate was getting some rest, he needed it. 

Taeyang slept clear through the rest of the afternoon, which was great except that it meant he wouldn’t get any sleep at night. He also realized, upon waking up, that Youngbin had yet to contact him. 

Youngkyun looked up when he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. “Hi, sleepyhead,” he said. He pulled out his headphones and stretched. 

Taeyang groaned and sat up. “God, what time is it?” he asked. 

Youngkyun squinted to see the clock in the bottom corner of his laptop. “It’s almost eight,” he said. 

“Fuck,” Taeyang said, falling back onto his pillows, “I’m never gonna get back to sleep now. Why’d you let me sleep so long?”

“You need the rest,” Youngkyun said, “and to be honest, I kinda lost track of time.”

“I need the rest at the proper resting time,” Taeyang said, “how long has it been since you’ve taken a break?”

“Uh, I’m not sure,” Youngkyun said quietly, “I’ve been taking little breaks here and there. Oh, actually I made myself a cup of ramen about an hour ago so I took a break to eat then.”

“Come here,” Taeyang whined, “you need to take an actual break.”

Youngkyun was about to protest but his eyes would probably kill him if he stared at the screen any longer. “Alright, alright,” he relented. He moved his laptop to the side and climbed out of bed. He stretched to crack his back and threw out his ramen cup before finally walking over to Taeyang. 

When Youngkyun reached him, Taeyang took his wrist and tugged him down, forcing the younger man to topple onto him. “You’re gonna cuddle with me and you’re gonna like it,” he said. 

Youngkyun gasped when Taeyang suddenly pulled him into bed. He quickly moved over so he wasn’t lying on top of his roommate. “Oh, uh, okay,” he said, slightly distracted. 

Taeyang threw an arm over Youngkyun’s waist and burrowed closer to him. “You’re cute when you’re flustered,” he said. 

Youngkyun felt his cheeks heat up. “Knock it off,” he grumbled. He felt himself stiffen a little when Taeyang pressed closer. No one had ever left him this flustered before. 

Taeyang found himself incredibly distracted by Youngkyun mouth. It was  _ right there _ , so easy to just...smooch.

Youngkyun took a deep breath and forced himself to relax. It was just some cuddling. He’s done this before. It wasn’t complicated. 

Taeyang forced himself to close his eyes. This was about getting Youngkyun to relax, not about making him more nervous. 

Youngkyun found his eyes beginning to droop. He did his best to keep them open. He couldn’t afford to take a nap. He still had more studying to do. 

Taeyang started subconsciously rubbing Youngkyun’s waist and his hand slowly but surely made its way under the younger man’s shirt. He just wanted him to relax. 

Youngkyun stiffened for a moment but after a little while he actually found Taeyang’s hand on his waist to be soothing. Taeyang was making it really hard to stay awake. “You’re gonna put me to sleep,” he mumbled. 

“Good,” Taeyang murmured back, “you need it. The bags under your eyes are heavier than my trunk.”

Youngkyun frowned. “I don’t have bags under my eyes,” he whined. Were his past few all nighters really that obvious?

“Yes you do,” Taeyang said, “and as cute as they are, I’m starting to worry about you.”

“I’m fine,” Youngkyun insisted, “this is just part of college. You gotta worry about you first.”

“Oh, I do plenty of that too, don’t worry,” Taeyang said, “can’t you just let me take care of you?”

Youngkyun was about to protest again but he stopped himself. It would be really nice to have someone take care of him for a change. “Okay,” he agreed. He relaxed under Taeyang’s arm and pressed a little closer. 

Taeyang’s hand flattened against the skin of Youngkyun’s waist. His head was resting near the younger boy’s collarbone, so he tested the waters by pressing a soft kiss there. 

Youngkyun laid stock still when Taeyang kissed just under his collarbone. He wasn’t quite sure what his roommate was doing but he wasn’t going to complain. 

Taeyang didn’t feel Youngkyun protest, but he didn’t relax either. With a soft sigh, he let his forehead rest against that spot instead. What was this?

Youngkyun hesitantly reached an arm around Taeyang and pulled him closer. He definitely wasn’t going to get back to studying tonight. But that was more than okay with him. He was too comfortable to move anyway. 

Taeyang didn’t want to overstep any boundaries. They weren’t dating, after all, no matter how much he secretly wished they were. Youngkyun would never date someone like him.

“If I fall asleep, wake me up when you want me to go to my own bed,” Youngkyun mumbled. It was still early but who knew what would happen. 

Taeyang almost snorted. As if he was going to do that. He’d go sleep in Youngkyun’s bed himself before he woke the younger man up. 

Youngkyun should have set a timer on his phone but it was across the room somewhere. Oh well. Hopefully Taeyang would wake him up in a little while. He let his eyes close and he finally started to relax. 

Taeyang continued to gently rub Youngkyun’s side, hoping it was enough to help him fall asleep. If he were really smart, he would have played with his hair, but he didn’t want to start anything. 

Youngkyun hummed quietly. He slowly began to drift off to sleep. He definitely needed this. He mumbled an incoherent “thank you” before finally falling asleep. 

Taeyang smiled softly at Youngkyun’s tiny word of thanks. He was glad that the younger man actually fell asleep. Lord knows he needed it. 

Youngkyun had absolutely no idea what time it was when he woke up. All he knew was that it was still dark out and therefore too early to be functional. He whined quietly to himself. This is what he got for falling asleep early. 

Taeyang was roused when Youngkyun started moving. “Go back to sleep, babe,” he mumbled tiredly, “it’s like three am.”

Babe? Babe!? Oh Taeyang must have been exhausted if he was slipping up like this. “Sorry to wake you,” Youngkyun whispered. He closed his eyes again and did his best to stay as still as possible. 

“Was still up,” Taeyang mumbled, his voice muffled by Youngkyun’s shirt, “shouldn’t have napped before.”

Youngkyun’s eyes opened again. “You haven’t slept yet? Oh, Taeyang, I’m sorry,” he said, “I’ll stay up with you. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to fall asleep again either.”

“No, absolutely not,” Taeyang said, “at least one of us needs to be well rested or we’ll both be miserable.”

“It’s okay. I should probably study a little more anyway,” Youngkyun said through a yawn. Despite his statement, he made no move to get up. 

“No way,” Taeyang said firmly, “if you’re gonna stay awake, at least tell me how shitty of a friend Youngbin is being so I don’t feel like an idiot for dwelling.”

Youngkyun pouted. “What’s going on? Have you not been talking to him?” he asked quietly. 

“He still hasn’t contacted me,” Taeyang said with a pout, “and I mean, yeah, I said I didn’t want you guys to come, but he always comes, no matter what I say.”

“He hasn’t?” Youngkyun asked rhetorically. That didn’t sound like Youngbin at all. “I’m surprised he hasn’t contacted you at all.”

“So am I,” Taeyang said, “I’d be worried, but I saw him on all his other social media today.”

“I’m sorry. That’s really shitty of him,” Youngkyun said quietly, “is there anything I can do to help?”

“Tell me I’m not being dumb,” Taeyang requested, “and that he’s actually being a jerk.”

“You’re not being dumb,” Youngkyun assured, “he should at least tell you everything’s okay if he’s not going to respond for a while.”

Taeyang huffed and pouted. “I feel dumb,” he said. 

“You’re not,” Youngkyun said firmly. He reached up and rubbed Taeyang’s back. His poor roommate was really having a tough go at it recently. 

“I told him not to come and he didn’t come so it’s not like I really have a leg to stand on,” Taeyang said. 

“But like you said, he’s usually supportive anyway. I’m willing to bet something’s going on. I just hope he talks to you about it soon,” Youngkyun said. 

“I hope so too,” Taeyang said. He hadn’t told Youngbin about his mother calling, but maybe he should have. 

“He’ll come around, I know he will,” Youngkyun said supportively. He continued rubbing Taeyang’s back, hoping to lull his roommate to sleep.

Taeyang hummed. “He’s the one that convinced me to actually go for art,” he said. 

“That was smart of him. You’re really talented and I’m glad he saw your potential,” Youngkyun said. 

“He was only able to convince me by sending my portfolio off for me and coming back with offers,” Taeyang said, “and even then, I resisted.”

“I’m glad you decided to come,” Youngkyun said. He wondered what would have happened if he ended up with a different roommate. 

“This was the only place with a completely anonymous, unbiased decision for the program,” Taeyang said, “so here I am.”

Youngkyun hummed. “This program is gonna be good for you. You’ll be confident in your art in no time,” he said quietly. 

“I certainly hope so,” Taeyang said, “it’s really difficult, so we’ll see.”

Youngkyun sighed quietly. “Try to get some more rest. You need it,” he said. It was obvious that Taeyang needed to be cared for a lot more than he did right now. 

“I can’t,” Taeyang said, shaking his head. He slowly sat up. “Do you wanna go on an adventure?”

Youngkyun stared up at Taeyang with wide eyes. “An adventure? At four in the morning?” he asked, “where...where are we going?” He propped himself up on his elbows. What did 

Taeyang have up his sleeve?

“Neither of us can sleep so we might as well tire ourselves out,” Taeyang said, “let’s just walk across campus.”

“Sure that sounds good,” Youngkyun said. He pushed himself to sit up and did his best to comb his hair with his fingers. It was as good as it was getting so he hopped out of bed and grabbed his shoes. 

Taeyang grabbed a sweatshirt and tugged it over his head. He grabbed his phone, slid his feet into shoes, and took Youngkyun’s hand. 

Youngkyun was a little surprised when Taeyang grabbed his hand. It took him a moment but he found it comforting so he held his roommate’s hand back and let him guide them outside. 

The two of them walked all the way across campus, hand in hand. There was a small outlook near some of the more secluded buildings where they could sit and watch the sun rise and that was where Taeyang guided them to. 

Youngkyun let Taeyang lead him across campus. It was nice and relaxing, only the sound of crickets and their footsteps broke the silence. At one point, he braved threading their fingers together. 

There was a bench at the outlook and Taeyang pulled Youngkyun to sit down next to him. “It’s really pretty up here,” he said quietly. 

“Yeah, it is,” Youngkyun breathed, “I don’t think I’ve ever been awake this early in my life.” He was enjoying the peace and quiet. And he had to admit it made him a little giddy to be holding Taeyang’s hand and he didn’t bother to hide his small smile.

Taeyang leaned his head on Youngkyun’s shoulder without thinking. It was just so calm and peaceful, just the two of them. 

Youngkyun was glad they could enjoy this moment without people all over the place. For a little while it felt like they were the only two people in the entire world and Youngkyun could definitely get used to this.

Taeyang flinched when there was a sudden crack of thunder and, out of nowhere, the skies opened up. “Shit,” he said, wishing he thought to grab a hoodie instead of a normal sweatshirt.

Youngkyun gasped when the cold rain suddenly hit his skin. He automatically pulled Taeyang closer trying to keep him dry but it was no use. “What do we do now?” he asked. 

“Run?” Taeyang suggested. He stood up, pulling Youngkyun behind him, and started back down the hill. 

Youngkyun couldn’t help laughing as he tore off towards the dorms. He pushed his soaked hair out of his face so he could see. It would probably be easier if he let go of Taeyang’s hand but he couldn’t bring himself to. 

About halfway down the hill, Taeyang slipped in the mud and went tumbling, taking Youngkyun with him. He was laughing when they reached the bottom and the younger man landed on top of him. 

Youngkyun held himself up best he could so he didn’t crush Taeyang. “Are you okay?” he asked, panting. Judging by his roommate’s gleeful laugh he was fine, but Youngkyun had to be sure. 

“Y-Yeah, I’m okay,” Taeyang said. He could barely breathe because he was laughing so hard.

Now that he was sure Taeyang was okay, Youngkyun couldn’t help laughing along with his roommate. “You weren’t kidding when you said we were going on an adventure,” he said, “come on, let’s head back to the room.” He started to push himself off of Taeyang. 

Taeyang struggled to get up, the mud making it hard to steady himself. Once he was up, he wiped his muddy hands on his now ruined sweatpants and took off with Youngkyun’s hand again. 

Youngkyun didn’t slow down until they were almost back to the room. His eyes darted nervously between Taeyang and the buildings. The only thing on his mind was Taeyang laying under him. This had basically turned into a date and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to get something out of it. Acting fast, he pulled his roommate back towards him and wrapped his arms around him. “You know how we could make this even more adventurous?” he asked innocently.

Taeyang yelped when he was stopped fast and pulled into Youngkyun’s arms. “How?” he asked breathlessly. 

Youngkyun answered by kissing Taeyang square on the lips. The pouring rain was completely forgotten. It was the first time they had done anything like this completely sober. 

Taeyang didn’t even think twice. He kissed Youngkyun back easily, wrapping his arms around the younger boy’s neck. They were both absolutely soaked, but it was almost better that way. 

Youngkyun was relieved when Taeyang kissed him back. It just felt so natural. If it wasn’t for the rain, he could spend the rest of his night like this. Regretfully, he pulled away after another minute. 

Taeyang wiped his mouth with his sweatshirt, not that it did any good. “Damn,” he breathed out. 

Youngkyun was grateful it was dark so Taeyang wouldn’t see his flushed cheeks. “Come on. Let’s go get dried off and changed and we’ll find some way to warm up,” he said, trying to keep his voice even. In reality, his heart was beating out of his chest. Taeyang was such an amazing kisser. 

Taeyang giggled as he traipsed behind Youngkyun. Maybe he was delirious from not sleeping, but he was having the time of his life right now. 

Youngkyun let them into the building and stopped just inside. He and Taeyang were both dripping so much there was already a small puddle of water by both of their feet. “Oh my God we’re soaked,” he said with a laugh. He pushed his hair out of his face again so he could see. He grabbed Taeyang’s hand again and pulled him quickly to their room. Hopefully the trail of water they were leaving would dry quickly. 

Taeyang grabbed his towel when they got back to the room and tossed Youngkyun his own. “I’ll blow you if you wash my hair,” he offered giddily. 

Youngkyun nearly choked. He had to take a moment to produce a single coherent word. “Deal,” he finally forced out. He threw his towel over his shoulder and grabbed his shower caddy with one hand and Taeyang’s with the other. Another trail of water later and they were in the bathroom. 

Taeyang reached to turn on the water and immediately started stripping down. He was too tired to have any shame, but he would definitely be mortified about this once he slept. 

Youngkyun threw his wet clothes on top of Taeyang’s and stepped in behind him. He set his shower caddy down and stood under the hot water for a moment trying to warm up. 

Taeyang was shivering now that he was in the warm shower. Even with the heated water, he knew his skin still felt cold. Hopefully, that would change soon. 

Youngkyun pulled Taeyang closer when he felt his roommate shivering. “You’ll warm up soon,” he promised. He reached for the shampoo and tried to distract Taeyang from the cold by washing out his hair. 

Taeyang rested his hands on Youngkyun’s waist, waiting for him to finish so he could fulfill his promise. As soon as the soap was gone, he sunk to his knees. 

“Whoa, whoa, wait,” Youngkyun said grabbing Taeyang’s shoulder, “are you sure you wanna do this in here?” 

“Would you rather wait?” Taeyang asked with a smirk, already reaching up to tease. 

Youngkyun sucked in a breath. “I want you to be warm first,” he said shakily. 

“Oh, I am  _ plenty  _ warm,” Taeyang said, “and you’ll only be making me warmer.”

Youngkyun exhaled shakily. “Okay,” he agreed. He left his hand on Taeyang’s shoulder and used his other to brace himself against the opposite wall. 

Twenty minutes later, they left the shower stall warmer, cleaner, more dry, and absolutely exhausted. Taeyang all but trudged back to the room and immediately made a beeline for Youngkyun’s bed. 

Youngkyun took their wet clothes to the laundry room and left them in the dryer. He went back to his room and tossed his stuff on the floor. That could be taken care of in the morning. “Needed a change of scenery?” he teased when he saw Taeyang in his bed. He climbed in next to him. 

Taeyang nodded then yawned. His head was starting to hurt and he wanted to get  _ some  _ sleep before class. “Come sleep with me,” he mumbled. 

Youngkyun chuckled. “I’m right here,” he said. He wrapped an arm around Taeyang and pressed against his back. Now that he felt a lot more comfortable around his roommate, he didn’t mind the physical closeness. 

“I had fun tonight,” Taeyang mumbled, “but you probably don’t want me to kiss you again right now.”

“Me too,” Youngkyun said. He felt his face heat up. Taeyang wanted to kiss him again? “I wouldn’t be opposed but you need your sleep,” he admitted shyly. 

Taeyang hummed. “You do too,” he said, “g’night, Youngkyunnie.”

Youngkyun settled for kissing the back of Taeyang’s neck. “Goodnight,” he whispered. He fell asleep not long after that, a content smile on his face. 

When Taeyang woke up, his entire body hurt. He thought it was just soreness from the tumble he took down the hill, until he opened his eyes. Even after a few blinks, the blurriness didn’t go away, and he couldn’t breathe through his nose either. He was sick. 

Youngkyun wasn’t sure what time it was when he woke up. He rolled over and was relieved that he didn’t sleep through his class. Doing his best not to bother Taeyang, he slowly climbed out of

bed. 

Taeyang whined when he felt Youngkyun leave the bed. The warmth was gone and now he was shivering again. He definitely had a fever. 

Youngkyun looked up when Taeyang whined. His roommate was shivering so he pulled the blanket up to his neck. “I’m sorry I bothered you,” he said quietly. 

“Don’t feel good,” Taeyang mumbled with a pout. He snuck one hand out of the blanket, reaching for his roommate. 

“You don’t feel good? What hurts?” Youngkyun asked. He took Taeyang’s hand and sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“Everything,” Taeyang said. It hurt to swallow and he was sure his voice was hoarse, but he could barely hear through the pressure in his ears. 

Youngkyun thought for a moment before remembering his mom packed him a bunch of medications. He carefully let go of Taeyang’s hand and went searching through his drawer. He grabbed the cold medicine and a bottle of water. “Here, I have something for you to take,” he said. 

Taeyang did his best to sit up, but only managed to get his head and shoulders propped up. It was enough to swallow safely at least. “Thanks,” he rasped. 

Youngkyun helped Taeyang take the pill and get comfortable again. “I have to go to class but I promise I’ll be back as soon as possible and I’ll help you. Do you want me to bring you back something plain to eat?” he asked. 

Taeyang nodded. “If they have chicken noodle soup,” he said.

“Of course,” Youngkyun agreed. He fussed over Taeyang a little bit more before finally leaving for class. He forced himself to pay attention so he didn’t miss anything. After an eternity, class finally ended and he went to the cafe to get Taeyang some soup. On his walk back, he ran into someone he wasn’t expecting to see: Youngbin. “Nice to know you’re alive,” he snarked when he got close enough. 

Youngbin was on the way back to his car from his TA class when he bumped into someone. He wasn’t expecting to see Youngkyun glaring at him. “What are you talking about?” he asked. 

“You haven’t talked to Taeyang in  _ days.  _ I thought something might have happened but it looks like you’re fine,” Youngkyun said flatly, “for as much as you threatened me, you’ve been doing a shit job at taking care of him.”

Youngbin sighed. He had been expecting this. “I got called away for a family emergency on Sunday afternoon and I just got back this morning,” he said, “I haven’t even had a chance to breathe, let alone contact Taeyang.”

“Oh, of course, how convenient,” Youngkyun snarked, “he couldn’t sleep the other night because he was so upset. You have a lot of making up to do. And you can take some time to think about what you want to say to him ‘cause I don’t want you bothering him while he’s sick.”

“Dude,” Youngbin said, pulling Youngkyun off the sidewalk with him so that they weren’t blocking other people walking. “My sister almost died. I love Taeyang to death, but he’s not my priority right now. Sorry.”

Youngkyun shook off Youngbin’s hand. He softened a little bit. “Look, I’m sorry but you need to reach out to him sooner than later. He’s been distraught ever since he saw you on social media without even sending him a simple text back. Just get your shit together sooner rather than later,” he said. With that he walked away to head back to the dorm. 

Youngbin sighed and continued on to the parking lot. He had been trying to figure out what to say to Taeyang for days. He knew the younger man was probably very upset with him for missing the exhibition.

Youngkyun shook off his disgruntled mood when he reached the room. He opened the door slowly in case Taeyang was still asleep. 

Taeyang hadn’t been able to fall back asleep. Every time he got close, he would jerk awake, unable to breathe. 

“Hey, I have your soup,” Youngkyun said quietly, “are you feeling up to eating?” He set the soup on the desk before shucking off his backpack. 

“I need decongestants,” Taeyang said miserably, “I can’t fucking breathe. Also, you should sleep in my bed until I’m better, since I’ve already infected yours.”

Youngkyun frowned. “I’m not worried about getting sick,” he said. He dug around his box again until he found what he needed. “Here, try these.”

Taeyang groaned as he had to sit up again. He popped the pills, grimacing at the bitter taste, and painstakingly swallowed them down with water. “I’ll eat when my throat isn’t as sore,” he said, slumping back down. 

“Okay,” Youngkyun said. He put the soup in the fridge for now and sat on the edge of the bed. “What else do you need? Another blanket? A hot pack? Some more cuddling?” he asked. 

“I want cuddling, but I don’t want to get you sick,” Taeyang said miserable. 

“I won’t get sick,” Youngkyun said again. He pulled the blankets higher around Taeyang before wrapping around his roommate’s back. “And if I do, so be it.”

Taeyang pouted, but he wasn’t going to protest. “Just don’t blame me,” he said. 

“I won’t, I won’t,” Youngkyun assured. He tightened his grip on Taeyang and did his best to keep his roommate warm. “Get some rest.”

“I texted Binnie before,” Taeyang mumbled, “told him I’m mad.”

Youngkyun chewed on his lip. “Did he say anything back?” he asked carefully.

“I don’t think so,” Taeyang said, “but he normally doesn’t check his phone until he’s done for the day and he still has two classes to go.”

“I ran into him on my way back here,” Youngkyun admitted quietly, “he had a family emergency but I told him he needed to talk to you soon now that he’s back.”

Taeyang nodded. “That makes sense,” he said, “I know he wouldn’t have missed it if it weren’t for something important.”

Youngkyun hummed. “Try not to worry too much about him right now. You gotta focus on you for a little while,” he said. 

Taeyang huffed. “I hope he’s okay,” he said, “he’s the closest family I’ve got.”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Youngkyun assured, “and I’m sure he’ll text you soon.”

Taeyang nodded. He was tired and he hoped he could finally sleep now that the congestion had eased a bit. 

Youngkyun ran one hand up and down Taeyang’s side. He hummed quietly, hoping to help lull his roommate to sleep. 

Taeyang ended up missing the entire week’s worth of classes, which meant he was missing out on previous studio time. Halfway through the week, he had received an email inviting him to an exclusive public exhibition, but his fever had never quite broken so he hadn’t been able to work on anything. He had an idea at least. He just needed to craft it. 

Youngkyun diligently took care of Taeyang as best he could. He made sure he got his work done whenever his roommate was sleeping and managed to keep up. Slowly Taeyang started to get better but after a week Youngkyun had to admit he was exhausted. His sleep schedule was a mess but he still felt guilty that Taeyang wasn’t completely back to normal. 

By Saturday, Taeyang had had enough. Youngkyun had been hovering all week and he hadn’t been able to get anything done. When he finally managed to convince the younger man to nap, he snuck out to the studio. The piece was due on Tuesday, which meant he had limited time for the complicated painting. 

Youngkyun was a little worried when he woke up to find Taeyang missing. He pushed that aside though and opted to focus on his homework. He could check in on his roommate in a little while. 

Taeyang had at least gotten a solid base layer completed by the time he felt too sick to continue. This was definitely going to take every free hour he had, but he was going to make it worth it. 

Youngkyun finally couldn’t ignore the worry anymore and he picked up his phone. There were no messages so he sent one to Taeyang just to check in and see how he was doing. 

Taeyang had just reached the dorm building when he received the message from Youngkyun. It wasn’t worth it to respond, so he headed upstairs and into the room. “Wanna order sandwiches?” he greeted his roommate. 

“Hey! Yeah that sounds great,” Youngkyun agreed, “how are you feeling?” 

“Eh, could be better,” Taeyang said. “I’m gonna shower. Use my card.”

“Okay, I will. Be careful and we can lay down when you get back,” Youngkyun said. He pulled up the website and got their sandwiches ordered. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until now. 

Taeyang showered quickly, mainly just using the steam to clear his sinuses. When he got back to the room, he dressed in warm clothes and slid into bed behind Youngkyun. “Wanna pull up a movie too?”

“I have a little bit more to finish up but it shouldn’t be more than five minutes and then I will,” Youngkyun bargained. As promised, he finished looking over his notes and then switched to Netflix to pick something to watch. 

Taeyang moves around and ended up laying with his head on Youngkyun’s lap. Sure, the movie would be sideways and he would have to move when the food got there, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. “Are you going to come to the exhibit next weekend?” he asked. 

Youngkyun absentmindedly began playing with Taeyang’s hair. “Of course I’m gonna. Dongyeol wants to come too so I promised I’d bring him as long as he doesn’t make me babysit him the whole time,” he said. 

“I really want you to be there,” Taeyang said quietly. There was no point in this piece if Youngkyun wasn’t there to see it. 

“I’ll be there,” Youngkyun assured with a small laugh, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” It was cute how worried Taeyang was about him going. It was quite the change of heart from how he felt about the last exhibition. 

Taeyang was so nervous for Friday to come. Once the piece was in on Tuesday, he couldn’t back out of his plan. With a sigh, he forced himself to relax and focus on the movie. 

“What’s wrong, Taeyang? You’re so tense and you have a death grip on my leg,” Youngkyun said gently, “everything’s gonna be perfect with this exhibition. I know you’ve been working so hard to improve and it’s gonna pay off.”

Taeyang didn’t even realize he was digging his fingers into Youngkyun’s thigh. He quickly pulled his hand away. “I’m just nervous,” he said, “a submission is one thing, but getting invited? There’s a certain expectation that I’m worried I might not live up to.”

“It’s okay, you weren’t hurting me,” Youngkyun assured, “of course you’re gonna live up to it. They wouldn’t have invited you if they didn’t think your art was worthy of being displayed. You’re so talented. There’s no way you aren’t gonna exceed their expectations.”

Taeyang sighed. He knew Youngkyun was right, but it wasn’t the committee’s expectations he was worried about. 

“You’re cute when you’re worried,” Youngkyun said quietly. If he was being completely honest, Taeyang was cute all the time but now wasn’t the time to admit that. “Everything’s gonna go great and there’s always gonna be more exhibitions if this one doesn’t go as perfectly as you want. But enough about this. You need a break from thinking about this.”

As Youngkyun said it, an alert popped up on his laptop that their food was there. The rest of the night was easygoing, which Taeyang took as an excuse to whole himself up in the studio for the entire rest of the weekend. He got the painting done and submitted on time, but his nerves only got worse. By the time Friday rolled around, he was fully freaking out. 

Youngkyun made sure to get his outfit approved by Dongyeol before they headed out. He was excited to see Taeyang’s new painting and how much his roommate has improved so far. When they got there, he got dragged around by Dongyeol for a moment but finally managed to get free to go find Taeyang. 

Taeyang had told Youngkyun to come during the middle of the show and now he was nervously looking out for him. Youngbin had already been through and wished him luck. The painting, of Youngkyun on the outlook that morning in the rain, felt like it was burning his back. 

Youngkyun finally spotted Taeyang across the hall. He waved to his roommate and carefully meandered through the crowd to get to him. 

“Hey, you made it,” Taeyang said, relieved. He wasn’t sure if Youngkyun would see the painting at first and he certainly would see the most important part, the title printed under it. 

“Sorry I’m a little late, Dongyeol dragged me around for a little while when we first got here,” Youngkyun apologized. He glanced around Taeyang to look at the painting and immediately smiled. It was just as amazing as he expected. He smiled as he recognized the subject of the painting and fondly remembered that night in the rain. His eyes trailed down the painting to the title at the bottom. He gasped quietly, reading the words “I Hope You’re Mine” over and over to make sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. He glanced back up at the painting. “Taeyang…” he breathed, not quite sure what to say. 

Taeyang bit his lip nervously, rocking on his heels. “I really like you,” he admitted quietly, “a-and I know you’re not out, so you don’t have to say anything now, but I just wanted you to know.”

Youngkyun finally tore his eyes away from the painting to look at Taeyang. “I really like you too,” he said quietly. It was the first time he had admitted it aloud and it made his heart race. He reached out to take one of Taeyang’s hands in his own. 

Taeyang searched Youngkyun’s face. “Yeah?” he finally breathed out. 

Youngkyun smiled softly. “Yeah,” he echoed. Channeling all of the bravery he had, he leaned forward to gently kiss Taeyang. 

Taeyang was surprised when Youngkyun kissed him. He wasn’t expecting the younger man to do something so bold in public. Nonetheless, he kissed him back. 

Youngkyun smiled into the kiss. After a moment he pulled away and buried his face in Taeyang’s neck. His cheeks felt like they were on fire and it finally registered that there were countless strangers around them.

Taeyang smiled giddily, one hand resting on the back of Youngkyun’s neck. When he looked up, his face dropped. There was a middle aged man standing a few feet away, watching them with a neutral expression on his face. “D-Dad,” he said, subconsciously taking a step back and pulling Youngkyun with him. 

Youngkyun’s head snapped up and he whipped around to see a man watching them. He let himself be pulled backwards by Taeyang. Doing his best to be brave, he positioned himself so that he was slightly in front of the older boy. 

“Taeyang,” his father said calmly, “your painting is wonderful. I...hadn’t realized how talented you are.” Taeyang was nervous. What was his father here for? “Your mother told me about the ultimatum you gave her,” the man continued, “I was hoping we could talk after you’re done here. Your, uh, boyfriend? He’s welcome as well. Dinner, my treat.”

Youngkyun was skeptical. Taeyang’s father seemed much more level headed than his mother but he couldn’t help being weary. He reached over to take one of Taeyang’s hands in his own again, hoping to offer some semblance of comfort. 

Taeyang squeezed Youngkyun’s hand. That had been his offer; if they showed up, he would talk. “Sure,” he said finally, “I’m done at nine.”

Youngkyun relaxed. He was nervous about how this conversation would go but there was no way he was going to let Taeyang go alone. 

Once Taeyang’s father had walked away to look at the rest of the exhibit, Taeyang practically slumped into Youngkyun. “What the fuck?” he said weakly. 

Youngkyun wrapped his arms around Taeyang so he could hold the older boy up better. “Hopefully this will go better than your conversations with your mother have gone,” he said, “your dad does seem a lot more level headed though.”

“He is,” Taeyang said, “just...still absent.”

Youngkyun frowned and rubbed Taeyang’s back supportively. “Maybe he’s gonna get his act together. But no matter what happens tonight, I’ll be here, okay?” he said.

“Thank you,” Taeyang said quietly, “you’re amazing.” The rest of the show flew by. He was surprised that his painting had sold, but he had an inkling as to who the buyer was. Sure enough, when they sat down at the diner across from his father, the man slid him the receipt. “I didn’t want you to lose it,” he said. 

Youngkyun was grateful that Taeyang’s dad had bought the painting. He knew it was something Taeyang didn’t want to lose. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Yoo,” he greeted politely, “I’m Youngkyun.” He wasn’t quite sure how to introduce himself but roommate definitely wasn’t enough.

“What do you want, Dad?” Taeyang asked with a sigh. As much as he appreciated not having lost the painting, he knew it was just to try and get back in his good graces. “I realized recently that your mother and I made... _ a lot  _ of mistakes in how we handled your childhood,” the man said, “I want to make amends.”

Youngkyun’s hand snuck under the table to find Taeyang’s. It wasn’t his place to interject into the conversation at all so he sat back and kept quiet. 

“It’s been seven years,” Taeyang said, unimpressed, “why did it take me finally standing up for myself as an adult to realize that you need to be a parent?” Kihyun sighed. “Your mother and I are getting a divorce,” he said. 

Youngkyun did his best to keep his face neutral. He squeezed Taeyang’s hand gently and glanced over at him. 

“When we first separated, she stayed in Seoul and told me that she was taking care of you and keeping an eye on you. I knew she still travelled frequently, but to my knowledge, she was home enough to care for you,” Kihyun continued. “She lied,” Taeyang said sharply and his father nodded. “She lied,” he said, “and after a while I got too comfortable and stopped checking on you. I regret that.”

Youngkyun rubbed his hand back and forth soothingly. He was glad Taeyang’s father had had a change of heart and he hoped it wasn’t too late. 

“After your argument last week, she decided she’s done. We’re remaining business partners, but our finances will be separate and we’ll be signing official documents next week,” Kihyun said, “you don’t have to worry about tuition; I’ll still be supporting you for that. Jeongyeon...she was really never destined to be a mother.”

Youngkyun sighed to himself. Hopefully things would start to turn around for Taeyang now. He certainly deserved it after the years of his parents being absent. 

“You were gone for years,” Taeyang said, “you never checked in directly with me, always through some assistant. You didn’t even know how old I was until last week. I’m just supposed to believe you’ve cared the entire time?” 

Youngkyun’s heart broke when he saw Taeyang’s sad expression. He hoped with everything he had that this conversation would have a positive outcome.

“I was at your graduation,” Kihyun said quietly, “I wasn’t able to stay the entire time, but I watched your speech and watched you walk. I tried to send you the video, but I don’t think I have the right phone number anymore and it ended up falling by the wayside. I’ve always cared, Taeyang. You’re my only child, my only son. I’ve just been... _ really _ shit at showing it.”

Youngkyun glanced at Taeyang’s father. The man sounded sincere, he looked sincere. He really truly hoped he was being sincere for Taeyang’s sake. 

“I can’t forgive you yet,” Taeyang said after a few minutes of silence, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. But I’m willing to let you give the dad thing another go.” His voice got really small on the next sentence. “Please don’t make me regret it.”

Youngkyun felt his chest tighten. He quickly turned his head down to hide his expression. He felt his own guilt claw at him and he silently begged Taeyang’s father not to ruin the opportunity his son had given him. 

“I won’t,” Kihyun said firmly, finally picking up his menu. The poor waitress had been giving them a wide berth. “So, Youngkyun, was it? Tell me about yourself.” 

Youngkyun cleared his throat and looked up. “Yes, sir. There’s nothing really too fancy. I’m from just outside the city and I’m currently a bio major, although I’ll be switching at the end of the semester. And I, uh, I’m Taeyang’s roommate for the year,” he said. 

“You don’t have to be so formal,” Kihyun said gently. “And you two are...together?”

Youngkyun relaxed a little. He looked back at Taeyang and smiled softly. “Yeah, we are,” he said. It felt nice to say it aloud. He was done trying to hide. 

Taeyang gripped Youngkyun’s hand tightly under the table. He hoped he wasn’t about to lose everything they had just talked about. “That's great,” Kihyun said, “I’m happy for you two.”

“Thank you,” Youngkyun said quietly, “I owe Taeyang a lot. He’s helped me through some pretty rough patches this semester and I’m really happy I met him.”

“Taeyang’s a great kid,” Kihyun said, “I’m very proud of him.” Before Taeyang could say anything, the waitress finally braved coming over. 

They all finally ordered and Youngkyun never let go of Taeyang’s hand. “I got really lucky,” he said when the waitress finally left. 

Taeyang stayed silent. He still didn’t know how to feel about all of this. His dad suddenly showing up, Youngkyun liking him back, it all seemed too good to be true. 

“Everything okay?” Youngkyun asked when he noticed how quiet Taeyang was. He hoped he hadn’t upset him by telling his dad they were together. 

“Yeah, I’m just...overwhelmed,” Taeyang said. He was glad they chose a diner, because it meant the food was quick to come out. 

Youngkyun dropped Taeyang’s hand so they could eat. He didn’t mind the silence. It gave everyone a chance to think the conversation over. 

Taeyang was glad once dinner was over and they were home. He had a lot to think about and being out with his dad was not helping at all. 

Youngkyun all but collapsed into bed after he had showered and changed. “Do you wanna stay over here tonight?” he asked. 

“Please,” Taeyang said. He changed as well and climbed into Youngkyun’s bed. 

Youngkyun wasted no time wrapping himself around Taeyang. “Do you wanna talk about it or do you just need some quiet?” he asked. 

“I just can’t believe he’s back,” Taeyang said, “or that he was at graduation or any of this really. It seems too good to be true. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“He sounded really sincere at dinner,” Youngkyun said, “I hope for your sake there is no other shoe. You deserve so much after everything you’ve gone through.”

Taeyang sighed and buried his face in Youngkyun’s chest. It was all so much, too much. 

Youngkyun held Taeyang close. He hummed quietly hoping it would help calm his boyfriend down. Boyfriend. A few months ago he was vehemently against the idea of even looking at guys. And how he had a beautiful boy wrapped in his arms. If only he could help make him happy too. 

Taeyang fell asleep not long after that and woke up to Youngkyun’s phone ringing on the desk. He swiped it and squinted at the screen. “It’s your mom,” he mumbled. 

Youngkyun sighed and silenced it. When it rang again he knew he couldn’t ignore it. “Yeah, mom?” he answered quietly. “Youngkyun, there was an article in the paper today about your roommate,” she began, “and one of the pictures was him kissing a boy that looked an awful lot like you. Please tell me I’m seeing things.” Youngkyun felt his heart drop. No matter what he did, he was screwed. 

Taeyang sat up when he saw the expression on Youngkyun’s face. Something was wrong. He hoped his mother wasn’t hurt or something.

“Mom, it’s not…it’s not a big deal,” Youngkyun said weakly. “So it is you. Kim Youngkyun, what is wrong with you? I raised you better than this! I raised you to be a respectable man and this is how you repay me? Don’t you dare think about coming home until you get your priorities straight,” she snapped, practically screaming. “Wait, no, mom. You can’t do that,” Youngkyun said desperately. “I can and I will. I am disgusted that you would do something like this after I raised you single handedly. I hope you figure yourself out and can apologize to me before the semester’s over,” she said flatly. She hung up without another word. 

“You okay?” Taeyang asked when Youngkyun lowered the phone. He felt horrible. If the younger man got cut off, it was all his fault. 

Youngkyun carefully unwrapped himself from Taeyang so he could put his phone on the desk. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes and he was doing his best not to break down in front of his boyfriend. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied, voice thick. 

“Baby,” Taeyang said softly. He stood up and pulled Youngkyun into a tight hug. 

Youngkyun couldn’t help himself. When Taeyang pulled him into a hug, he broke down sobbing. He clung onto his boyfriend like his life depended on it, scared that if he let go he would lose him too. 

“I’m so sorry,” Taeyang whispered. He felt tears gathering in his own eyes. This was all his fault. He didn’t let them fall though. He needed to be strong for Youngkyun. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay,” Youngkyun choked out. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at Taeyang, he was too embarrassed. He knew this would happen and yet he was upset anyway. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“Baby, it’s okay, you can be upset,” Taeyang murmured. He held his boyfriend even tighter. “Do you want to go off campus for the rest of the weekend? Go refresh?”

“Where would I go?” Youngkyun asked miserably. He had a mountain of work to get done but it wasn’t even on his mind. There was no way he was going to pass and even if he did, he couldn’t afford college on his own. 

“We can go to my apartment in Gangnam,” Taeyang said, “we can just chill out and try to figure out a plan, okay?”

“But you have homework to do. That’s not fair to take you away from everything,” Youngkyun said quietly, “I’ll be okay. And I’ll figure something out.” He was grateful for Taeyang, he really was but his boyfriend didn’t need to sacrifice anything for him. 

“I’m caught up on everything,” Taeyang said, “because I knew I wouldn’t get anything done regardless of how this weekend went. Don’t worry about me. It’s my job to take care of you now, yeah?”

Youngkyun sniffed and nodded. He was doing his best to pull himself together but everytime he got close he would break down again. He was supposed to have time before his mom found out. How did this happen so fast?

Taeyang rubbed Youngkyun’s back, doing everything he could to calm the younger boy down. “Why don’t you pack a small bag and I’ll call my dad’s driver so we don’t have to take the train?” he said.

Youngkyun finally pulled away from Taeyang. He did his best to keep his face hidden, not wanting his boyfriend to see his puffy cheeks or his red eyes. He haphazardly threw whatever he thought he needed into a small bag.

Taeyang quickly called Sanghyuk and asked him to pick them up in half an hour. Once that was set, he packed some clothes for himself, as well as his laptop and various chargers. “Hey,” he said, cupping Youngkyun’s cheeks, “we’re gonna figure this out, okay?”

Youngkyun looked up at Taeyang with big eyes. He nodded as best he could with Taeyang holding his face. “Thank you,” he said quietly, “not to sound ungrateful because I really am but why are you so willing to help me? This is my mess to sort out. You don’t need anymore stress in your life. You have enough to worry about.”

“That’s part of being your boyfriend,” Taeyang said, “I have the ability to help you, so I’m going to help you.”

Youngkyun felt himself slump. “You’re too good to me. I don’t deserve you,” he mumbled. He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. 

“You deserve so much good, Youngkyunnie,” Taeyang said softly, “you’re amazing and I-I love you.”

Youngkyun sucked in a breath. “I don’t deserve your love yet. I have to earn it. And I’m not doing a very good job at it right now but I promise I’ll get better,” he said. He leaned forward to kiss Taeyang’s cheek. 

“You don’t have to do anything to deserve love,” Taeyang said softly, “everyone inherently deserves love. You don’t earn love, you lose it, and you will never lose mine, okay?”

Youngkyun couldn’t stop the fresh round of tears from coming. He couldn’t believe Taeyang was really his. Quiet, gentle, loving, beautiful Taeyang was all his. He was never going to squander this. 

Taeyang wiped Youngkyun’s tears with his shirt sleeve just as Sanghyuk texted him. “Our ride is here,” he said, slipping his feet into his shoes, “let’s go.”

Youngkyun slung his bag over his shoulder, slipped some shoes on, and grabbed Taeyang’s hand. He didn’t care what people thought of him now. He just wanted to be as close to his boyfriend as possible and forget what was going on. 

Taeyang led Youngkyun downstairs and out to the waiting town car. He hated using the driver usually, but he wasn’t going to force Youngkyun out into public like this, not where his mother could still see the news. 

Youngkyun nodded to the driver and climbed into the car. He threaded his and Taeyang’s fingers together and leaned his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder with a soft sigh.

It wasn’t a terribly long drive to the Gangnam apartment. Taeyang led Youngkyun through the lobby and into the elevator. He had refused to take the penthouse, but the apartment was still close to the top of the building, and all his alone.

Youngkyun glanced around the apartment with wide eyes. It was the nicest apartment he’d ever been in by far and he was a little afraid to touch anything. 

“Home sweet home,” Taeyang said, a little sarcastically. The apartment felt cold and soulless to him. Granted, some of that could be because he had turned the thermostat off when he moved, which he rushed to turn back on.

“It’s so nice here,” Youngkyun whispered. He left his shoes by the door and braved sitting down on the couch. 

“It’s...something,” Taeyang said disdainfully. He would much rather have a small home where his entire family lived, but that had always been too much to ask.

Youngkyun frowned when he heard Taeyang’s tone. His boyfriend obviously didn’t have very good feelings about this apartment and he felt guilty that they had come. “We don’t have to stay here the whole weekend,” he said. 

“No, it’ll be good for both of us,” Taeyang said, “come on, I’ll show you the bedroom.” His room was certainly much more lived in and loved.

Youngkyun pulled himself off of the couch and followed Taeyang down the hall. His boyfriend’s room definitely felt a lot homier and welcoming. Almost more welcoming than his own house. Well his old house now. 

“Make yourself at home,” Taeyang said. He pulled open a closet with linens so they could have clean sheets to sleep on.

Youngkyun wandered over to the window and looked out while he waited. When the bed was remade, he grabbed Taeyang and pulled him to lay down with him. “I’m sorry you ended up in the news. That was probably the last thing you wanted, especially with me kissing you,” he said. 

“I’m used to that,” Taeyang said, “but I’m sorry it happened to you. It’s tough for even me being used to it; I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling.”

“I wouldn’t have even known if my mom didn’t call,” Youngkyun said, “but I’m not surprised with how many people were there.”

“It’s shitty,” Taeyang said, “I’m not even involved in the business, I just have rich parents, and I’m sorry that you’re suffering because of it.”

“I’ll happily be plastered all over every billboard in Seoul if it means I get to stay with you,” Youngkyun said honestly, “I’m actually kinda glad this happened. I would have been so afraid to give you the love and attention you deserve in public otherwise.”

Taeyang couldn’t help but flush. He couldn’t believe that Youngkyun was willing to make that sort of sacrifice for him.

“I don’t think you realize how happy you make me,” Youngkyun said, “I know everything was rocky in the beginning and I wish we could have done things differently but I’m so happy right now.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been happier,” Taeyang said with a soft smile, “I really do love you.” He cupped Youngkyun’s face and kissed him softly. 

Youngkyun smiled into the kiss. “I love you too,” he whispered when they pulled away. For now he could forget about his mother’s angry phone call, and all the consequences that came with it. For now, he wanted to enjoy his gorgeous boyfriend whose love he still wasn’t convinced he deserved. 

“And hey, if you don’t manage to get her to come around, you always have a place here with me,” Taeyang said, “we’ll figure out tuition too.”

“You don’t have to do that. Worst case scenario I might stay with you ‘til I can get on my feet but I can’t ask for help with tuition. That’s not fair. You just got your dad back. That’s a lot to ask off the bat,” Youngkyun said quietly. 

“I have so much money, even without my mother, that I could never logistically ever spend,” Taeyang said, “we can even stay here and commute for the next few years if that would make you feel better.”

Youngkyun smiled softly. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he whispered. 

“I’d hope you’d come looking for me,” Taeyang said gently. He kissed Youngkyun again. “No more tears now, okay?”

Youngkyun nodded and wiped his eyes one last time. “No more tears,” he agreed. He kissed Taeyang back sweetly. He may have lost the only family he had left but he had a beautiful boyfriend who was willing to stick by his side through it all. He really couldn’t have been more grateful. 


End file.
